Buffalo66

My A sons father got his life sort of together, and one night last month I had some drinks. we had an argument. He is nuts, you know...It got crazy.

When I woke up the next day he was "leaving me" because he does not tolerate this.

5 1/2 years he was a fall down drunk, and I had too many one night. I go out occasionally.I never EVER drink around or with my son in the house, I only have drinks when he is on sleepover w/Grandma.

He still drinks, not as much, and he now has a job, and therefore has me by the b*alls.
I am now being called a lousy alcoholic.

I am told, just now, that he left me and will stay gone, and maybe ONE day when I am alone and realize that I was the one who threw it all away, maybe I will call him and say that I was just as bad as he was...

He says he is not vindictive,(LOL), but that, yes, he does hope that I am devastated by the fact that after all those years, He left me because he was too healthy, and I will learn that I should have had the self respect to leave him when he treated me wrong...

"How sad for you, that it takes the person who abused you for so long leaving you for you to realize that you should have left him first"

This is evil stuff, guys. Even if it is true.

suki44883

I know it's maddening, but, when it really boils down to it...does it really matter who left? If you really want a life without him, it sounds like this is your chance. Who cares what he says or what he thinks?

intheknow

Funny how the mirror works. They do not see themselves, but the second you lose control and have one too many drinks - and for me it is maybe once a year that I really "cut loose" - you are the one with the problem.

RAH did not talk to me for a week because had too much to drink at the bar a couple of years ago and went home early. He didn't come home until 6 the next morning - supposedly went to breakfast with people.

WTF?

Buffalo66

And he stayed out, you went home...And he still has one on you, right??

Double WTF! Why do they need to have that edge on you? Because they have been so wrong for so long and so deeply?

My A is simply Gleeful over this. He is telling anyone who will listen that he left me because I failed him. People in the know, of course are laughing behind his back at his audacity, his self righteousness. Oh, and guess where he is when he is telling these grand tales? You guessed it... the corner bar.

suki44883

What is more important...your ego, or the fact that you are rid of him?

ItsmeAlice

I am so sorry Buffalo66 that the mental gymnastics of addiction are still part of your life....well, not for long it seems.

I wander what you said after having those drinks that drove him to leave. Wouldn't it blow his mind if you told him that he's right. Had you kicked a few back and kicked his A** out a long time ago, neither of you would have had to suffer this long with the other.

All that aside, I actually wonder if seeing you topsy turvy and yet still a responsible enough person to be sure your son is being watched for that evening and you are safely tucked away at home, didn't make him think that the only way he was going to be truly happy is if he could be a total lush somewhere far from you.

God forbid you have a good time when his whole world probably resolves around him having a good time instead. You're supposed to be the responsible one, which you still were, but he won't see that.

This could be the path your higher power has for you. One without him in it to throw you off course. Could be?

Alice

intheknow

The mirror that they use is a funny one. It is distorted and shows emotions that aren't there, they see things that aren't there and can't see things that are. In my experience it NEVER changes.

He told me later that I let him down. I embarrassed him - by drinking to much, saying I didn't feel well and leaving him there. And I am not sure that anyone even knew I was drunk.

Because, you know, it was never embarrassing for me. It was never a let down for me. It truly is all about them.

Buffalo66

Thanks, Alice.
I do not know if I have the fortitude to stay away or keep him at bay. I want to. Your wording is very heartening to me. I was being responsible. I always have been. He could not handle his own lack of control. He hates me for being capable. In life.

Suki; it isnt really that much about ego. It is about being psychologically abused by a master manipulator. Clearly I have my own issues that cause me to stay. It is hard for me to be blamed in the end of a tough time.
My dad died when I was 13 years old after an argument. We argued alot. Within a day, my drunk mother told me it was my fault. I have been in screwed up relationships a few times in my life, I can pretty much bear anything, except to be pinned with the blame for something I cannot control.

Have I been to Al Anon? Been to therapy? Reiki? Ashram? Yes, yes, yes, yes. I think I am a screwed up person, but that does not mean that it doesn't hurt when some one who you feel you gave an open heart to walks into that heart and tears the place up.

Another reason that things are especially harder now, and why I let him back at all is that my son was diagnosed with a (benign) brain tumor that is affecting his vision...He is 4 years old. I took the news hard, and the process of working on it is a years long proposition. It is alot to do alone, and I was alone, and exhausted. I needed my sons father to help me make choices.

The Tumor is inoperable. We just have to keep watch over it indefinitely and in the meantime watch my childs' potentially vision slip entirely away.

There are alot of factors. I am not a spring chicken, nor am I acting (or inacting)..out of ego gratification, just making my way through a maze that I walked into, did not have the strength to fly out of. And maybe each day I tell myself, maybe today my wings will pop up again.