He joined an online dating website
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
So glad you have the Lundy Book...it is most excellent!
So, he's online dating sight. More power to him.
How does that work for you?
You can be with others personally, free to choose, fully alive to it all.
I don't get why you went on his FB and claimed him.
I thought you wanted him to go in peace.
With you with your quit claim.
hugs, (hope, unity, gratitude, serenity),
live
So, he's online dating sight. More power to him.
How does that work for you?
You can be with others personally, free to choose, fully alive to it all.
I don't get why you went on his FB and claimed him.
I thought you wanted him to go in peace.
With you with your quit claim.
hugs, (hope, unity, gratitude, serenity),
live
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Respond by ignoring him completely, or with an emotion-free voice and "okay" or "uh huh".
When you're angry, you're angry and it's not like a fire where you can douse yourself with water and the anger goes out, right? So have at least a three-step plan for those moments when you are out of control; how will you get yourself BACK INTO CONTROL of yourself? It's a contingency plan; a "just-in-case plan."
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
This would have been a good time to play that tape all the way through. Next time he bates you with this kind of hook pull up this thread. Imagine what your knee jerk response would normally be, then imagine what he would gain from you following your usual behavior, if it's not what you want to happen, then take no action or at least try a difference response.
Nothing changes if nothing changes ...sooooo change the way you deal with him. If he gets a rise out of you with certain behavior, you have to stop, drop the subject, and roll far away from him. This does not mean you can't explode..just do it somewhere far from him. Vent here, scream in your car, throw empty soda cans at a wall, stomp on packing paper to hear the pops...whatever you gotta do just never let him see you sweat. He's had this control over you and it's time it ended.
Just because he's leaving doesn't mean the dram is ending. They can get a rise out of us from the moon if they wanted to...that's one reason why I'm in recovery!
Hang in there!! You are getting there inch by inch, don't give up on yourself!!
Alice
Nothing changes if nothing changes ...sooooo change the way you deal with him. If he gets a rise out of you with certain behavior, you have to stop, drop the subject, and roll far away from him. This does not mean you can't explode..just do it somewhere far from him. Vent here, scream in your car, throw empty soda cans at a wall, stomp on packing paper to hear the pops...whatever you gotta do just never let him see you sweat. He's had this control over you and it's time it ended.
Just because he's leaving doesn't mean the dram is ending. They can get a rise out of us from the moon if they wanted to...that's one reason why I'm in recovery!
Hang in there!! You are getting there inch by inch, don't give up on yourself!!
Alice
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Originally Posted by wanting 
What's done is done, but you can learn from it. Can you see how he got exactly that type of reaction he wanted? He seems to be holding "YOUR house" as something to be bitter about and possibly blame the break-up on. And you typed it right there on his page so he's going to roll with it. It seems like there's a dance going on where he pushes your buttons to get you all riled up, then you use the element of control that you have (MY house), and then he gets the vindication that this break-up is about you trying to control him, not about the real problem, which is his drinking. Step away from the dance floor!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Thanks for your post Live. I didn't "claim" him. FB is a site in which you "friend" people. He and I have been "FB Friends" for a long time. Things like his posting just "show up" on FB when you're friends. I have now "hidden" all his postings from my site/sight.
Yes, I want him to go in peace. But remember, I'm new at this. I'm trying to wean myself from him in what? 3 weeks? I feel as though I've been doing well, with SR's help in a short period of time. When I feel some strong emotion, I post here on SR and get feedback, and it's OH so helpful!
You're so right... I DO quit my claim! The fact that I'm not divorced shouldn't have an effect on this. And just so I have it in black and white for myself to see, quitting my claim does not mean I need to go out and snag a man. I'm WAY not ready for that.
Yes, I want him to go in peace. But remember, I'm new at this. I'm trying to wean myself from him in what? 3 weeks? I feel as though I've been doing well, with SR's help in a short period of time. When I feel some strong emotion, I post here on SR and get feedback, and it's OH so helpful!
You're so right... I DO quit my claim! The fact that I'm not divorced shouldn't have an effect on this. And just so I have it in black and white for myself to see, quitting my claim does not mean I need to go out and snag a man. I'm WAY not ready for that.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Originally Posted by ItsmeAlice
T If he gets a rise out of you with certain behavior, you have to stop, drop the subject, and roll far away from him.
Where's the smiley for that?
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