Can't I just be angry? Is that okay?
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It was a beautiful day, easy drive, didn't get lost at all. The cottage was perfect, the barn just right, the internet connection fair......but....it was already rented!
AHHHHHH!
Why does this happen?? The landlord's daughter set up the walk-through. She said they were excited to meet me, says they are the type of tenant they want, that they'll work with me on the rent, assures me it's still available, but when I get there she's suddenly not available and sends the landlord down to they tell me they just had another applicant offer more money and they can't rent it to me. I was crushed!
To have just what I have been dreaming up dangled in front of my nose swiped away like that just stinks. It was a much more depressing drive coming back, I'll tell you.
By the time I got home, though, I still had to admit the day was just beautiful, and I really did like seeing the area. I had only been there for work many years ago and it really has grown up nicely. Lots of artisans in the area, lots of interesting things to do and see. Would be a great place to start over meeting new friends and trying new things. At least I now have a better idea of where to look for what I want.
I wrote some emails, made some calls, and now I have a lead on another little cottage for less closer to family. I'm hoping to get in to see it this coming week. So I can say the day wasn't a total loss.
Thank you all for your encouraging replies!!
AHHHHHH!
Why does this happen?? The landlord's daughter set up the walk-through. She said they were excited to meet me, says they are the type of tenant they want, that they'll work with me on the rent, assures me it's still available, but when I get there she's suddenly not available and sends the landlord down to they tell me they just had another applicant offer more money and they can't rent it to me. I was crushed!
To have just what I have been dreaming up dangled in front of my nose swiped away like that just stinks. It was a much more depressing drive coming back, I'll tell you.
By the time I got home, though, I still had to admit the day was just beautiful, and I really did like seeing the area. I had only been there for work many years ago and it really has grown up nicely. Lots of artisans in the area, lots of interesting things to do and see. Would be a great place to start over meeting new friends and trying new things. At least I now have a better idea of where to look for what I want.
I wrote some emails, made some calls, and now I have a lead on another little cottage for less closer to family. I'm hoping to get in to see it this coming week. So I can say the day wasn't a total loss.
Thank you all for your encouraging replies!!
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Sometimes God has a way of tapping me on the shoulder to either let me know it's time for change, or to quit dragging my feet on something.
DeVon,
You just reminded me of a thread I posted in July about how God pushed me back when my XABF was let go from his job. I had been dragging my feet about leaving him because I had worries about supporting myself on my own and just didn't know how I was going to deal with him in separating, and then Whammo!, he gets laid off, we have to vacate our house, he goes on a big binge, and I realize it's God's way of saying "Let's get this show on the road!"
There's a movie called Eagle Eye - scifi action film if you've never heard of it - I love actions films - anyway the main character describes himself and his twin brother in one scene saying his brother lived like he had a rocket strapped to his back (a real go getter) but he was the kid with lead shoes. Well, in the movie, the character has to be coerced by a supercomputer to do what it wants him to do by putting him in extreme circumstances. I related alot to the concept when I was suddenly faced with eviction and had to jump out there on my own and leave my X.
I think you are on to something, DeVon. It would seem, I have not shed those lead shoes yet and God is making sure I get the appropriate shove when required.
Alice
DeVon,
You just reminded me of a thread I posted in July about how God pushed me back when my XABF was let go from his job. I had been dragging my feet about leaving him because I had worries about supporting myself on my own and just didn't know how I was going to deal with him in separating, and then Whammo!, he gets laid off, we have to vacate our house, he goes on a big binge, and I realize it's God's way of saying "Let's get this show on the road!"
There's a movie called Eagle Eye - scifi action film if you've never heard of it - I love actions films - anyway the main character describes himself and his twin brother in one scene saying his brother lived like he had a rocket strapped to his back (a real go getter) but he was the kid with lead shoes. Well, in the movie, the character has to be coerced by a supercomputer to do what it wants him to do by putting him in extreme circumstances. I related alot to the concept when I was suddenly faced with eviction and had to jump out there on my own and leave my X.
I think you are on to something, DeVon. It would seem, I have not shed those lead shoes yet and God is making sure I get the appropriate shove when required.
Alice
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I am a thousand times more at peace and happier than I was before my escape, and my new room mate can be worked with.
Gypsy Feet,
You've reminded me where I've come from and that I despite this speed bump, I am still far better off. Thank you for that! There are things I can do to improve my situation while I'm in it and there always new lessons to be learned. If I opened my home to her in a time of need, I'm sure there would be issues to work out.
Gypsy Feet,
You've reminded me where I've come from and that I despite this speed bump, I am still far better off. Thank you for that! There are things I can do to improve my situation while I'm in it and there always new lessons to be learned. If I opened my home to her in a time of need, I'm sure there would be issues to work out.
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Thanks Mermaidgirl,
It took me a long time to understand boundarys and how to use them effectively with my XABF. I guess I thought a non-alcoholic would not need things spelled out in a cause/effect kind of way. If I feel ____, I will do ____. I guess I thought our discussions in the initial days of adjustment over our living arranagement covered those kinds of explanations. It's that thinking that probably had me feeling frustrated and victimized most of my life.
You don't have to live with an addict to need boundaries, right? They are universal.
It took me a long time to understand boundarys and how to use them effectively with my XABF. I guess I thought a non-alcoholic would not need things spelled out in a cause/effect kind of way. If I feel ____, I will do ____. I guess I thought our discussions in the initial days of adjustment over our living arranagement covered those kinds of explanations. It's that thinking that probably had me feeling frustrated and victimized most of my life.
You don't have to live with an addict to need boundaries, right? They are universal.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Bay Area, California
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by ItsmeAlice 
So why do I feel like I'm the one who's done something wrong? This is another CoDa lesson, isn't it?
My wife is a codependent and regularly attends COSA meetings. There are a few open meetings which I have attended with her and she has been to some of my open SAA meetings - so I have a greater understanding of codependency.
One of the things my wife often suffers with is feeling like she is to blame no matter what the situation is. From what I understand, this is typical for most CODA and COSA members.
If you're asking for feedback, I would say that it seems that you are enabling your roommate by not setting healthy boundries reguarding privacy and money.
Setting boundries is often the most difficult thing that a codependent can do, so I completely empathize with you.
If you choose to stay in the situation with your roommate, I would encourage you to be very clear about what your boundries are and stick to them no matter how difficult it may seem.
I wish you the best in owning your voice and holding your boundries.
--Outvoid--
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Before I found this house i moved into with my kids sept 2, I thought I had found the perfect place. 100 year old farmhouse on 20 acres. Oh, I loved it.
But it wasn't perfect. I signed a lease, gave the old farmer all the money I had then he started calling me, micromanaging my life before I even moved in. Don't let the kids jump on the cement porch, it's not in good shape and could crack it. Make sure you clip the dogs tonails so she doesn't scratch the floors (there were trashed and she wieghs 6 pounds) I was so freaked out. I knew I couldn't live with such a control freak. I wanted to be left alone.
I gave him 30 days written notice, asked to be let out of the lease. I was crushed. I had told everyone, including my kids, that we were moving there. We were going to hvae chickens.
The kids cried when I told them we woulnd't be moving. But when we found this house, we all breathed a sigh of relief. It's way more perfect than the other perfect place.
Just keep calling your home to you. It'll come. You deserve happiness and serenity. I think of what Qui-Gon Gin said in the first STar Wars, where Anikin is a little boy when they first meet him.
They're screwed, stranded with no money, a broken ship and no way off the planet. He says, "I"m sure the best solution will present itself."
But it wasn't perfect. I signed a lease, gave the old farmer all the money I had then he started calling me, micromanaging my life before I even moved in. Don't let the kids jump on the cement porch, it's not in good shape and could crack it. Make sure you clip the dogs tonails so she doesn't scratch the floors (there were trashed and she wieghs 6 pounds) I was so freaked out. I knew I couldn't live with such a control freak. I wanted to be left alone.
I gave him 30 days written notice, asked to be let out of the lease. I was crushed. I had told everyone, including my kids, that we were moving there. We were going to hvae chickens.
The kids cried when I told them we woulnd't be moving. But when we found this house, we all breathed a sigh of relief. It's way more perfect than the other perfect place.
Just keep calling your home to you. It'll come. You deserve happiness and serenity. I think of what Qui-Gon Gin said in the first STar Wars, where Anikin is a little boy when they first meet him.
They're screwed, stranded with no money, a broken ship and no way off the planet. He says, "I"m sure the best solution will present itself."
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I think of what Qui-Gon Gin said in the first STar Wars, where Anikin is a little boy when they first meet him.
They're screwed, stranded with no money, a broken ship and no way off the planet. He says, "I"m sure the best solution will present itself."
Ah Transform, that quote is right up my alley!
Your experience is what I wonder might have happened there. So perfect on the surface, but just maybe I've been saved by horrible neighbors, a crime wave about to strike the area, an old tree falling on the house this winter, any number of things I would have wished then that I could have avoided. This is where faith steps in and takes you by the hand, right?
They're screwed, stranded with no money, a broken ship and no way off the planet. He says, "I"m sure the best solution will present itself."
Ah Transform, that quote is right up my alley!
Your experience is what I wonder might have happened there. So perfect on the surface, but just maybe I've been saved by horrible neighbors, a crime wave about to strike the area, an old tree falling on the house this winter, any number of things I would have wished then that I could have avoided. This is where faith steps in and takes you by the hand, right?
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Yep. It's all a matter of how we see things.
I am SO broke right now and realized in the grocery store yesterday that I will not let an attitude of poverty immobilize me.
In the aisle, I realized some of the stuff I was looking at, that are essentials at my house, is cheaper at a different store. I told myself, "I"m not going to buy this at this price. I don't have to and can't afford it. I will wait and somethng better will come along."
Kept walking down the aisle and realized, this is my attitude towards everythng right now. The power of strategy. Nothing is an emergency. I will wait and the perfect solution/true love/job/haircut--the perfect life will come to me.
I am SO broke right now and realized in the grocery store yesterday that I will not let an attitude of poverty immobilize me.
In the aisle, I realized some of the stuff I was looking at, that are essentials at my house, is cheaper at a different store. I told myself, "I"m not going to buy this at this price. I don't have to and can't afford it. I will wait and somethng better will come along."
Kept walking down the aisle and realized, this is my attitude towards everythng right now. The power of strategy. Nothing is an emergency. I will wait and the perfect solution/true love/job/haircut--the perfect life will come to me.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In the barn
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Originally Posted by Ago
In my experience many people seem to lose their minds when faced with confrontation or disagreement, even when it's done in a non-confrontational or non-disagreeable fashion.
Originally Posted by Ago
I, so far, have been unable to come up with a good, viable, working solution to this conundrum except, quite frankly limiting my friendships to sober alcoholics with long term sobriety that have worked the steps frequently.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
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Originally Posted by anvilhead
we even got out ourselves far enough to get a puppy. and then end up buying a damn house so the stupid DOG could have a yard!!!!!
Seriously, my dream is to finally buy a house once I'm gainfully employeed, degreed, and have passed my national exam for an RHIT. Then I can sit and watch my goofy dogs out in the back yard and know it's really MY place!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
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Thank you anvilhead
ItsmeAlice remember when I had found a great place and was happy to get the keys? I spent this last weekend moving from 4th floor to another 4th floor.
The place is NOISY AS HELL and I just want to call the agent and ask her "how much is it to forget the whole thing?" pay and move ANYWHERE ELSE. Of course now with bed, cat and new fridge and washer that are due on Saturday.
One of the neighbors has a child that won't stop crying. And yesterday I realized she is pregnant.
The other neighbor has a son that seems to have a mental disorder... and I'm respectful of that... BUT he keeps washing his car day and night. Of course with loud music... of course!
So since August 2008
2 months with xabf in one place
1 month with xabf in another place
5 months at a friend's apartment when her sister decided to live alone so off I go a
7 months at a great place when owner breaks up with gf and off I go
2 days at new apartment, 1 year contract, the 2 nights have been hell with noise and trucks ALL THE TIME I'm going mad. I prefer to be at the job. Nuff said LOL.
I was very angry the whole weekend, I mean I sleep really well, with antidepressants its even better, I bought earplugs, BUT STILL THE NOISE wakes me up N times.
And just like the "little joke" of your "friend", bf told me "you should have come around at night and many times to see about the noise" well I had limited options and this was like THE ONLY PLACE that accepted my docs.... and when I went to visit it was silent... how could I have known? I did my best with what I had and I had no way to know how it was going to be like.
And now it sucks but guess what, I am a free soul and I can keep on looking and terminate contracts and move somewhere else and keep on moving all my life if that is what it takes to seek SILENCE and SERENITY and PEACE.
On Friday I was a crying mess feeling like the biggest idiot but bf told me yesterday... "so what, give it a chance, if it's that noisy just move somewhere else, nothing happens". And its true... I don't need drama I can just choose something different.
With these moves there go my last years savings. But how much am I willing to pay for SERENITY? Everything... and even if we are in the move all this STILL BEATS any minute with our ex's don't you think?
At least I'm not sharing my bed with an alcoholic abuser.
I hope you can get a GOOD STEADY place soon... and me too... itsMeAlice you are not alone in these hassles but one day we will get peace and a good night's sleep and it will be worth it!!
ItsmeAlice remember when I had found a great place and was happy to get the keys? I spent this last weekend moving from 4th floor to another 4th floor.
The place is NOISY AS HELL and I just want to call the agent and ask her "how much is it to forget the whole thing?" pay and move ANYWHERE ELSE. Of course now with bed, cat and new fridge and washer that are due on Saturday.
One of the neighbors has a child that won't stop crying. And yesterday I realized she is pregnant.
The other neighbor has a son that seems to have a mental disorder... and I'm respectful of that... BUT he keeps washing his car day and night. Of course with loud music... of course!
So since August 2008
2 months with xabf in one place
1 month with xabf in another place
5 months at a friend's apartment when her sister decided to live alone so off I go a
7 months at a great place when owner breaks up with gf and off I go
2 days at new apartment, 1 year contract, the 2 nights have been hell with noise and trucks ALL THE TIME I'm going mad. I prefer to be at the job. Nuff said LOL.
I was very angry the whole weekend, I mean I sleep really well, with antidepressants its even better, I bought earplugs, BUT STILL THE NOISE wakes me up N times.
And just like the "little joke" of your "friend", bf told me "you should have come around at night and many times to see about the noise" well I had limited options and this was like THE ONLY PLACE that accepted my docs.... and when I went to visit it was silent... how could I have known? I did my best with what I had and I had no way to know how it was going to be like.
And now it sucks but guess what, I am a free soul and I can keep on looking and terminate contracts and move somewhere else and keep on moving all my life if that is what it takes to seek SILENCE and SERENITY and PEACE.
On Friday I was a crying mess feeling like the biggest idiot but bf told me yesterday... "so what, give it a chance, if it's that noisy just move somewhere else, nothing happens". And its true... I don't need drama I can just choose something different.
With these moves there go my last years savings. But how much am I willing to pay for SERENITY? Everything... and even if we are in the move all this STILL BEATS any minute with our ex's don't you think?
At least I'm not sharing my bed with an alcoholic abuser.
I hope you can get a GOOD STEADY place soon... and me too... itsMeAlice you are not alone in these hassles but one day we will get peace and a good night's sleep and it will be worth it!!
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Hi Alice,
Looking forward to an update from you when you have some news. We're all worried about you.
TC, have you looked into a white noise machine? Google it....we have very noisy neighbors and can't move for several more months, and it has helped us to get a full night's sleep without earplugs (I can't sleep with earplugs) I know exactly how you feel.
Hugs to all,
GL
Looking forward to an update from you when you have some news. We're all worried about you.
TC, have you looked into a white noise machine? Google it....we have very noisy neighbors and can't move for several more months, and it has helped us to get a full night's sleep without earplugs (I can't sleep with earplugs) I know exactly how you feel.
Hugs to all,
GL
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Hey, I had the same thought about a white noise machine last night for TC. I got up to turn on my desk fan because it really helped drown out my friend/roommate who has taken to stomping around upstairs something fierce. Maybe she thinks that will get me out of the house even quicker. Oh, brother!
Thanks for checking in on me GL!
The cottage was a no-go unfortunately. Ugh! The realtor would not give me the okay for the pets and the horses, but still wanted me come see it. It's an hour one way to get there and I can't see trying to go see it if they won't rent it to me. Ugh again!
So I've put in a month's rent on a month-to-month room share. I've know the guy for years as an acquaintence. He has rented rooms for years and is just getting rid of some bad tenants. I will look really good in comparison no matter what I do.
I'll have a modest sized room, private entrance out onto a nice deck with a private bath and walk in closet. It's going to be cozy for me and the pets, but we will make the best of it. I'm working out what furniture to bring so we have just what we need to be comfortable. I got a storage unit in town for the rest. It's only about 15 minutes from my horses so that will reduce some stress about taking care of them. There is a chance I could move them to the farm where I'll be staying in the coming weeks so I can keep that in mind.
The price is only slightly higher than what I've been paying my friend, but it includes all utilities including cable and use of the hot tub and other common areas. The man's work schedule is very similar to mine except he works out of the house. I probably won't see him much at all.
It's a month-to-month lease so I'm not locked in. I'll keep looking for that perfect little place that's out there for us somewhere. Until, then I can stay ready to go with just a few things to pack up and move if needed. At this point, staying somewhere low-key that's affordable is all I am hoping for.
Tomorrow is moving day. I am praying it's uneventful!
Thanks for checking in on me GL!
The cottage was a no-go unfortunately. Ugh! The realtor would not give me the okay for the pets and the horses, but still wanted me come see it. It's an hour one way to get there and I can't see trying to go see it if they won't rent it to me. Ugh again!
So I've put in a month's rent on a month-to-month room share. I've know the guy for years as an acquaintence. He has rented rooms for years and is just getting rid of some bad tenants. I will look really good in comparison no matter what I do.
I'll have a modest sized room, private entrance out onto a nice deck with a private bath and walk in closet. It's going to be cozy for me and the pets, but we will make the best of it. I'm working out what furniture to bring so we have just what we need to be comfortable. I got a storage unit in town for the rest. It's only about 15 minutes from my horses so that will reduce some stress about taking care of them. There is a chance I could move them to the farm where I'll be staying in the coming weeks so I can keep that in mind.
The price is only slightly higher than what I've been paying my friend, but it includes all utilities including cable and use of the hot tub and other common areas. The man's work schedule is very similar to mine except he works out of the house. I probably won't see him much at all.
It's a month-to-month lease so I'm not locked in. I'll keep looking for that perfect little place that's out there for us somewhere. Until, then I can stay ready to go with just a few things to pack up and move if needed. At this point, staying somewhere low-key that's affordable is all I am hoping for.
Tomorrow is moving day. I am praying it's uneventful!
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Yay@! That was quick=)
My room mate sleeps with a rain sound track pretty loud on his pc, never hears me banging around in the kitchen in the morning. I fall asleep listening to music on a timer, so as long as he is in bed when the cd is done im good.
the crying baby would make me nuts, maybe shes sick and will be back to happy soon
My room mate sleeps with a rain sound track pretty loud on his pc, never hears me banging around in the kitchen in the morning. I fall asleep listening to music on a timer, so as long as he is in bed when the cd is done im good.
the crying baby would make me nuts, maybe shes sick and will be back to happy soon
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