PuzzledinTX

I've been doing some major reflection on what's gone wrong in my life in the last 10-12 years, and have really been shocked at how much of it's related directly to my dad's drinking, or indirectly related thru some emotional problems I have. While I'm glad some of these issues are rising to the surface, in a way these realizations are terrfying for me.

Basically, I've realized that until now, I haven't really been facing any of my fears or other AD-related issues, just trying to make them go away by ignoring them. I feel like I've wasted or thrown away much of my life by not dealing with them before now. Is it normal for getting to this point to be so emotionally unsettling?

ICant

I think the discomfort you feel is normal. I found it a huge awakening how much of my personality was caused by me wanting approval from my father. Conciously I hated my father from the age of 13 but by that time, the patterns were set. When I realised the connections between my husband and my father and that I had fulfilled the old cliche of marrying my dad, I felt like my skin was crawling. I writhed and had an emotional meltdown, the same sort of thing that I used to do when I was living at home. I was dumbfounded that I was still so emotionally stunted. But it is the start of something better. Thanks to that realisation, I am now objectively looking at my personality defects and assets and asking myself what do I want to keep and what am I happy to let go of.

Pelican

I think so. The angrier I wanted to get at the alcoholism, the angrier I got with myself for putting up with unacceptable behavior.

It begins your journey or recovery. You stop looking at others and their behaviors and begin to look at your own actions.

We say: "put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror"

You're on your way!

coyote21

I believe so, as my denial began to fall away, I really felt vulnerable and exposed in a lot of ways. Kind of like Sh!t, what do I do now. Alanon has been a big help for me, and of course SR.

Hell, I was in Alanon for a year before I "remembered" my mom was married to an absolute maniac/alcoholic from the time I was 12 to 17 or so. I'd just completely buried those years. Denial is so weird/fascinating to me. It definitely serves a certain purpose in protecting us from emotional overload.

But you can't "unring" a bell. You journey is beginning. Congratulations.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

transformyself

Just want to welcome you and say that even if these feelings feel overwhelming, awareness is the first step in change.

Try to be patient with yourself. Kind to yourself.

Iwanttoheal

Hi PuzzledinTX and welcome.

SR is this amazing place and I am so thankful that I found it.

I can completely relate to being emotionally unsettled. I am currently going through an amazing realignment in my own life as the denial slips away and I am seeing my own life through "fresh" eyes.

I never married my AF but I chose a man who we now know has a lot of Autistic qualities - think emotional unavailability, social communication problems (very similar to a quiet drunk without the alcohol) - go figure - but I got lucky, I'll take autistic over alcoholic any day.

I have an alcoholic brother and codependent mother who are currently repeating the chaos and catastrophes of my childhood.

I prefer not to think of my 44 years as wasted or thrown away. I am also fascinated by the power of denial - my own thoughts are that it is a protection. If your denial is slipping away and you are seeing new truths then you are strong enough to deal with them and move on to develop healthier relationships that are good for you. Some people are never strong enough to let the denial go and to look at their own behaviour / attitudes and to take action - so go you.

Keep posting - these guys are amazing, IWTHxxx