bookwyrm

Good morning! I hope you all slept well. Its a lovely day here - I'm getting on with things, listening to upbeat music and keeping busy. Getting things done is actually lifting my mood. Hope everyone feels a little better this morning. If not - what can you do for yourself to make you feel a little better? A walk in the park? Visit a friend? Got to the library/museum etc? Just do it - no excuses!

Take care and remember that the down feelings will pass...
:ghug2

Tarheel

Thanks for this thread, Cath. What a sad weekend for me, too. Today I will go to a funeral for a high school friend - only 40 years old.

I am setting out with a goal of finding God`s grace in everything I can. But gosh is it hard when your heart is aching.

I have to remember that the beauty is there all the time. It`s just my heavy heart that can cloud my vision.

wanting

Cath, I just want to thank you for putting your pain out there. I can't tell you how much it has helped me to see that I'm not alone. I had a pretty horrible night last night. I cried harder than I've ever cried before. It was the "ugly cry" where I couldn't control myself and just kept yelling, "Why?" over and over again. It's something I've been dealing with alone, because all I hear from my friends and family is, "Get over it. You deserve better. You'll be OK." Which is true, of course, but you have made me feel not so alone.

Startled

Exactly, just focus on what you're going to do tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. Just plan something and see how it happens to be real. It will give you satisfaction and many many smiles on your face even if you're not always succeeded.

S.

Cath1029

I know the next 3 weeks are going to be tough without my phone. I gave all my money to my landlord and (not to complain even further) am totally broke. I don't know what I'm going to do about food or gas to go to meetings. My sponsor wants me to go every day, and I also want to, but I don't see how I can.

The church has already given me so much, and I don't feel I can ask them for more. I will get paid next week, but again that has to go to my landlord, so I have to wait until the next pay cycle in 3 weeks. I'm just kind of afraid, and of depression sinking in as well. I feel like I've made good progress and don't want to backslide.

Freedom1990

Hey gal, how about getting back into the moment right in front of you instead of taking on the next 3 weeks in your head?

I had to do that to myself while I was sitting here earlier looking at the mountain of school work to do. 7 classes is a load, and let me tell you, I can really panic if I get out of the moment.

I'm going to put one foot in front of the other, remember what I am grateful for, and I know things will work out as they should.

How about you?

:ghug2 :ghug2

Cath1029

Yes, I should remember that, in this moment, I am okay and try not to worry. I don't have to fall into old patterns, and I have to trust that HP will take care of me. Just going to pray.

Freedom1990

It takes time and a lot of practice to learn new things, dear. As I said, I was even getting overwhelmed earlier because I got out of the moment, and shazam, I'm a mess!

Cath1029

More self-pity, although trying to stay in the moment and remember what I do have...

I haven't heard my daughter's little voice in 3 weeks. When I had a phone, my in-laws didn't want to put her on because they were afraid it would upset her. Now I can't even call to check on her. I got teary while working at the church this morning, but thank goodness nobody noticed. I probably will only be able to work there one more day because I'm almost out of gas.

I'm facing ramen noodles and well water this week; next 2 weeks I don't know. I really can't ask the church for anything more, they have given so much already. No meetings for a while. I'm glad I have you all here. And I have my life and a roof over my head and can pray as much as I can. And my sponsor gave me some work to do in addition to my job, so I am grateful for that. Shouldn't complain, just sad. I have to trust that God will provide for me.

Cowgirl1265

I too thought I "loved" my H more than I'd ever loved anybody. Turns out I attempted to CONTROL him more than I'd ever controlled anybody.

Melody Beattie writes that if learned relationships and love from a dysfunctional family, then our understanding of love is warped. For instance, I had an extremely codependent mother. I learned that the way you show love is to control others. If someone had an addict for a parent, they might learn that love = caring for a sick person. Being codependent teaches us that the more someone "needs" us, the more we love them.

Someday I hope I can experience "real" love, i.e., the kind that is comfortable, drama free, guilt free, and not all about me fixing someone who doesn't need my interference in the first place!

Cath1029

When I was younger, I thought I would end up having a big family, you know? Not by myself. I am finding out I don't much like my own company. I know it will be okay in October, just seems like a long way off right now.

worthyoflove

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