4peasinapod

I wanted to stop in a tell anyone who is new and think "it's not that bad" or "he'd/she'd never do that" to PLEASE listen to what these wonderful people tried to tell me.... that it only gets worse unless we make a change. I had to learn the hard way, I had to find out for myself. Please don't wait and think it will get better like I did. Thank you God for the kids not being home!!!

To make a long story short, tonight I had to wrestle my AH for a loaded gun (the gun he made sure to load in front of me). I'm not sure what his intentions were, but I didn't really want to find out. I got lucky and because how we were positioned I was able to grab the gun, run through the house, grab the phone and go out the back door. I then called the police from the neighbors yard. So because there were guns in the house the swat team was called -- cop cars everywhere -- street blocked off and the entire neighborhood watched him get taken down, cuffed and taken away.

I think I may have broke something in my hand in the process because it looks like a blown up surgical glove.

The police took him to the hospital because he couldn't be charged with anything (go figure) and wanted me to 302 him but I chickened out (what is wrong with me?). The real scary part was his blood alcohol level was only .09 (only slightly above legal limit), so he wasn't even wasted. By his standard of drinking (almost a 1/5th a night) he was almost sober. They want me to order a PFA, but really what's the point? Seriously... can someone tell me how a piece of paper is going to help me?

Anyway he is at home (I came into work because #1 I have and key and #2 I didn't know where else to go at 3am). Now I have to figure out how to get my stuff (and the kids stuff) and most importantly where I am going to live. Right now I have the clothes on my back and that's it, I have been up for 24 straight hours now and I'm emotionally spent (plus my hand really hurts -- better than being dead I guess).

The foul, hurtful, nasty things he said to me at the hospital were unbelievable, never in a million years did I think he could direct such hatred towards me. Please don't think it can't or won't happen to you... luckily I am LIVING proof that it can.

NewBeginning010

I am so sorry for what is happening to you right now. I am an A in recovery BTW & thought I would see if I can help. After reading your story I went to read your history & got as far as your first post & came here ASAP. Please read your first post & make a plan to get out as soon as you can, things are at the breaking point & you need to get out of this situation.

Here is what I just read: (from your first post here)

"What really has me concerned and rather weepy today is while having this talk he brought up his ex and how she hurt him when she cheated on him, then he looked me right in the eye and said "don't ever cheat on me... I will put a bullet in your head" (not the first time he has said this). He also volunteered that he will not go through another divorce.... till death do us part is the only way out."


Please take care & take action, all of the best.

NB

4peasinapod

Well, I am "out" as of right now. I am at my office wondering how am I going to get my stuff. I won't ever sleep in that house again (I'm thinking my car is going to see a few nights). I guess I'm so weary that I really need some guidance (in 2nd grade terms)... 1st do this, then that, etc. I really don't know what to do when I get off work or what the necessary things that need done. I am way past the "have an escape plan" stage... I'm out, he doesn't want me back (nor do I want to go back except to get my stuff).

NewBeginning010

Maybe you can go back to the police department & file that 302 or whatever it was & ask to speak to someone there regarding your options (as well as any groups/support centers you can contact).

Do you have any close friends/family close by that can help you/stay with right now?

Take Care,

NB

NewBeginning010

PA is for Pennsylvania right?

Here is a place you can call The Nation's First State Domestic Violence Coalition - Founded 1976 | PCADV

Sorry if I am wrong about the state as I am from Canada.

Please call someone & get help, I am very worried for you & your children right now.

Take Care,

NB

4peasinapod

Thank you New.. Yes I am in Pennsylvania and my kids are from a previous marriage (amicably split) so it was the kids day with dad yesterday. (again thank you God!!!) So they are safe, I just need to call my ex and have them stay with him for a while.

As far as the 302 (involuntary committment), I cannot do that now since he was discharged. All I could do is file a PFA, and again what's the point in that?

NewBeginning010

Hi 4PIAP,

I dont know much about the acronyms (PFA) all I know is that you need to file whatever you can. You gave up on the 302 the first time saying "whats the point" dont go so easy/give up on this next time around. The "point" is that you need to take care of your children & yourself... right?

Take Care,

NB

katie44

Thankgoodness your safe, do u have family or friends you could stay with? I would have a police escort go to your home when you remove your belongings. Please go have your hand looked at. Time to concentrate on yourself. (((((((hugs))))))))

4peasinapod

I'm sure I'll find somewhere to lay my head tonight... I'm just not sure where right now.

Pelican

4peas,

You are lucky!

Please call a women's shelter and speak with a counselor there. They will outline a plan for you to take care of yourself and your children.

Reach out for help! Police, Salvation Army, Alanon, hospital emergency room. Get your hand looked at and find some shelter.

"What's the point?"

YOU! You are worth saving!

You didn't cause his addiction
You won't control his addiction
You won't cure his addiction

His addiction. Your life. His addiction nearly ended your life.

Please get the restraining order. Please get all the help that is available to you. We care about YOU!

CatsPajamas

In my area, the police are easy to work with. They went with me to get some things out of my house after my own episode of S.W.A.T. (I've actually had an exH who turned violent and volatile, and 5 yrs later had BF with severe PTSD after being in Iraq, and that one turned ugly and dangerous as well.)

I grew to realize that my safety was my number one priority. I also had to learn that I couldn't read minds, and I couldn't know what my angry ex was going to do next. I heard those same words -that he wouldn't get divorced again... the only thing one of us would hear is "click" , meaning one or both of us would be shot. I had an immediate plan - how to get out - but then I had to have a plan for what to do in the next days, weeks and months. I had police help me get things out of the house. I immediately got a restraining order. Yes, it was just a piece of paper but with a TRO if I called the police they promised they would come immediately. And they did. I made arrangements for my children. I called their dad and told him what was going on. GADS that was a hard call to make, but I needed to make sure that they were safe. I had already made sure I had a credit card in my own name, and I used it for a hotel when I couldn't stay with a friend.

In each case, he contacted me to say how sorry he was, and made lots of promises. It was incredibly painful, but I held firm. I set boundaries ~ to keep myself safe physically and emotionally ~ and I had friends I could call when I felt weak. In each case, I left HIS treatment and HIS options up to him. I had enough to do working on myself and making sure my kids were safe. If he decided to get help? Good for him. He needed it. But I only watched and trusted the actions, not the words.

You can do this. You took the first important steps, and you're stronger than you know.

The next few days will probably be exhausting and exhiliarating at the same time. Feel free to PM me if you wish.

Cats

justtired

Your post brought back bad memories for me. Sounds like maybe he was on something other than just alcohol? My abf and I had a similar scenario and it was a mix of opiates, benzos and alcohol. I know how scary that can be. My abf had a gun out and dumped a bottle of pills in his mouth. Totally out of control and so so scary. They took my abf into a 24 hour hold and let him out early the next day saying there was no reason to keep him there even though he was acting totally irrationally. Good for you for taking care of yourself and not going back. I stayed and things have gotten "better", but he's still in denial and that one night helps to keep me on track because I know if it's happened once, it can happen again.

I'm glad you are safe and out of harms way.

GiveLove

4peas, please keep us posted on what you decide to do today. At the very least, you can find a temporary place to stay and get a police escort to help you go in and get enough stuff to do the basics. Have that hand looked at too, if there's time.

One step at a time.

Stay safe, and keep in touch.

4peasinapod

I did go get my hand looked at and it is not broke (much to the doctors surprise). He said it is just soft tissue damage. I am going to stay with my brother for a while until I can figure out something permanent.

I called my ex and he is going to keep the kids this week so I know they'll be ok.

My next step is to find out my legal options. I have to do some research on local agencies that can help me get my ducks in a row.

How did I get here?... this low, low place. I thought I was smarter than this. God help me.

Cowgirl1265

************{Peas}}}}}}}}


Glad your kids have a safe place to stay while you deal with this. You are taking care of yourself right now, and that is the most important thing you can do. Keep us posted. You are in my prayers.

onlyliveonce

You post brought back memories for me as well. It can get VERY BAD in a matter of seconds. Thank goodness the kids weren't home. Find somewhere to go, anywhere you can feel safe. I think alcoholics all have this propensity. You and your childrens safety is #1.

Lotus2009

Just wanted to send you a big hug!!!
My AH and I also got into a huge fight last night. Though not as bad as what you describe, it turned pretty ugly (with doors coming off the hinges, wrestling on the floor, etc) and I'm soo glad we don't have any guns in the house because who knows what would have happened.
I'm glad you are ok! And I wish you much strength to get through this difficult time!

4peasinapod

I just called a local shelter to help get some direction. I'm waiting for a counselor to call me back.

I've now been awake for almost 48 hrs... the adrenaline is starting to wear off... I feel so beat down. I do know it will get better but that it will take time, but for now I feel shell shocked. Still going over it in my head trying to figure out when it went all wrong.

GiveLove

Peas, is there any way you can get some sleep? Go to your bro's and just get a couple of hours of zzzzz's? You will think so much more clearly when you've had some rest, I promise. That sleep deprivation and trauma cocktail is a really hard on our bodies and spirits....

ItsmeAlice

I agree with GL, your body will crash on you soon. This is a long journey and you are just setting out on it. Get to a safe spot, get some rest, and then you can regroup and start planning where to go and how to get your things. Your brother's home or a shelter serve that purpose very well.
Remember to manage your care as you would manage your childrens'. Get them fed, get them rested, get them occupied with positive things to get keep them content. You are the same. Get yourself fed, get yourself rested, get occupied with positive steps forward.

Let that past go for now. When the thoughts creep up "why, why, why" tell yourself that now is not the time, the time will come to work those things through. Now is about you and what you need.

I am so thankful you are here with us to share today!! Keep posting, let us know how you're doing.

Best wishes!!

Alice