It's only been 2 days and he wants back in the house
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
It's only been 2 days and he wants back in the house
I got back in with the kids on Tuesday night and he got to see them since Tuesday is his day. He kept them 2 hours, fed them buffalo wings so they came home hungry and then acted all morose when he left so the kids felt bad.
He gets the house 9-5 because he works from there since he is self employed. Older DS asked if he could stay an extra hour so they could play catch in the back yard so I said OK. They miss their dad.
I tried to talk to him this morning about getting the house ready for sale (guess who is doing ALL the work) and maybe putting it on sale for 2 weeks on our own so we can see if it sells fast and if it does not--then list with the realtor. I want the house sold so fast.
So I talk to him about this and he tells me he had no place to stay last night and had to sleep in his van. Then he tells me he went to talk to a lawyer yesterday and that my atty. screwed him and that he should only be paying half what the court ordered for child support and that we will never be able to pay off any of the bills if he has to pay for an appt. Also, the commissioner will not let him have overnight visitation with the kids unless he has decent housing (oh, on Tuesday he told the kids he could not come over to the hotel where he was staying to see it because it was not safe). They stayed in a hotel with me for 5 nights while I was gone because a friend got a special rate at a hotel that is not the Ritz but nice after explaining why I needed to stay there. The staff knew what was going on and were really kind to the kids.
Anyway, this morning (I am an idiot) I let him make me feel guilty and told him maybe he could sleep downstairs.
Then I thought about it today and thought--NO NO NO. This is going to confuse the kids and I WOULD BE BREAKING THE COMMISSIONER'S TEMP ORDER!!! I called him (at home since it was before 5:00) and told him that. He said he was all confused and still had no place to stay. I told him to go stay with his brother (he then told me he tried but his brother is nuts--which is true--but not my fault). He has friends--why can't he stay with friends. He gets the house all day. All he needs to do is have a place to stay after 5:00. I am NOT being unreasonable and yet he is making me feel like I am being a shrew. If he does not want to spend the money on an apt. then he can stay with some DECENT friends--and he can have visitation. I told him I just could not put up with any more huge scenes, confusing the kids and that I was not going to break the law by not following the order. He said he had to go to the bathroom and hung up. He is working tonight
Oh, and the first night he had the kids my son reported to me that Daddy only drank 23 ounces of beer. WHAT??? There is only one place he would have gotten that figure and that is from AH and that is 3 beers in 2 hours (or 2 if they are bottles) and who knows how much he drank before or after.
OK, I'm just ranting. I have to go and get the kids and then pack about 20- more boxes tonight so I am ready when my co-workers come over on Saturday--because I cannot stay home since he is there during the day to pack.
I need to stop being a codie--I actually told my lawyer he would probably need the house during the day so he could work. Oh, I need to get to a meeting.
He gets the house 9-5 because he works from there since he is self employed. Older DS asked if he could stay an extra hour so they could play catch in the back yard so I said OK. They miss their dad.
I tried to talk to him this morning about getting the house ready for sale (guess who is doing ALL the work) and maybe putting it on sale for 2 weeks on our own so we can see if it sells fast and if it does not--then list with the realtor. I want the house sold so fast.
So I talk to him about this and he tells me he had no place to stay last night and had to sleep in his van. Then he tells me he went to talk to a lawyer yesterday and that my atty. screwed him and that he should only be paying half what the court ordered for child support and that we will never be able to pay off any of the bills if he has to pay for an appt. Also, the commissioner will not let him have overnight visitation with the kids unless he has decent housing (oh, on Tuesday he told the kids he could not come over to the hotel where he was staying to see it because it was not safe). They stayed in a hotel with me for 5 nights while I was gone because a friend got a special rate at a hotel that is not the Ritz but nice after explaining why I needed to stay there. The staff knew what was going on and were really kind to the kids.
Anyway, this morning (I am an idiot) I let him make me feel guilty and told him maybe he could sleep downstairs.
Then I thought about it today and thought--NO NO NO. This is going to confuse the kids and I WOULD BE BREAKING THE COMMISSIONER'S TEMP ORDER!!! I called him (at home since it was before 5:00) and told him that. He said he was all confused and still had no place to stay. I told him to go stay with his brother (he then told me he tried but his brother is nuts--which is true--but not my fault). He has friends--why can't he stay with friends. He gets the house all day. All he needs to do is have a place to stay after 5:00. I am NOT being unreasonable and yet he is making me feel like I am being a shrew. If he does not want to spend the money on an apt. then he can stay with some DECENT friends--and he can have visitation. I told him I just could not put up with any more huge scenes, confusing the kids and that I was not going to break the law by not following the order. He said he had to go to the bathroom and hung up. He is working tonight
Oh, and the first night he had the kids my son reported to me that Daddy only drank 23 ounces of beer. WHAT??? There is only one place he would have gotten that figure and that is from AH and that is 3 beers in 2 hours (or 2 if they are bottles) and who knows how much he drank before or after.
OK, I'm just ranting. I have to go and get the kids and then pack about 20- more boxes tonight so I am ready when my co-workers come over on Saturday--because I cannot stay home since he is there during the day to pack.
I need to stop being a codie--I actually told my lawyer he would probably need the house during the day so he could work. Oh, I need to get to a meeting.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Oh honey, I'm so sorry! That quacking must be driving you banana crackers!!
His housing issue is entirely his choice. You have made viable and healthy suggestions (friends, a hotel room, his brother's etc). What he chooses to do with his evenings is his problem.
He is putting the kids in the middle with this 23 ounces of beer crap. That was entirely for you to hear from the child. Make note of this nonsense if you wish because it will certainly not help his case in court.
All that nonsense about speaking to an attorney and finding out the "real deal" about his support and visitation is just a bunch of whining. He has to support his children, and having proper housing to have the kids over - well, you don't make the rules the court does so he'll just have to get over it.
I am with you entirely on recanting the offer for him to sleep downstairs. The order has been set and you need to mind your Ps and Qs as well. Play by the rules and the courts can help. Buck the system and you lose ground with custody, visitation, and support. Your not trying to screw him, you're just trying to take care of you and the kids.
The world around him is no longer catering to his addiction, and he's highly agitated about it. Try not to take it personally even though he's directing all of this at you. You can rise above this and stay on course.
** Did I tell you I hate packing. Really, I packed that 14' trailer, and I am going to be one cranky girl when I have to load it all up again. I feel your pain.
Hang in there!!!
Alice
His housing issue is entirely his choice. You have made viable and healthy suggestions (friends, a hotel room, his brother's etc). What he chooses to do with his evenings is his problem.
He is putting the kids in the middle with this 23 ounces of beer crap. That was entirely for you to hear from the child. Make note of this nonsense if you wish because it will certainly not help his case in court.
All that nonsense about speaking to an attorney and finding out the "real deal" about his support and visitation is just a bunch of whining. He has to support his children, and having proper housing to have the kids over - well, you don't make the rules the court does so he'll just have to get over it.
I am with you entirely on recanting the offer for him to sleep downstairs. The order has been set and you need to mind your Ps and Qs as well. Play by the rules and the courts can help. Buck the system and you lose ground with custody, visitation, and support. Your not trying to screw him, you're just trying to take care of you and the kids.
The world around him is no longer catering to his addiction, and he's highly agitated about it. Try not to take it personally even though he's directing all of this at you. You can rise above this and stay on course.
** Did I tell you I hate packing. Really, I packed that 14' trailer, and I am going to be one cranky girl when I have to load it all up again. I feel your pain.
Hang in there!!!
Alice
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
hi wife2kids-
don't backpedal! stand your newfound ground.
i know it's not easy to think of him sleeping in his van, but at the end of the day, it won't kill him. and at the end of the day, it might not even be true and just fabricated to play on your compassion.
let him work out his living arrangements. right now, he is used to you backing down and him getting what he wants. you will find, if you don't back down, he will sort out a place to stay.
as for not being able to pay your bills if he sees an attorney, don't buy into this. you do what you need to do to pay the bills and let him manage his own finances. see, this is him still trying to manipulate you with money.
you just keep moving forward. you will find that after he is not living in the house, things will settle down for you and you will be clearer and able to deal with your affairs. give it some time and keep him out of the basement!
good luck,
naive
don't backpedal! stand your newfound ground.
i know it's not easy to think of him sleeping in his van, but at the end of the day, it won't kill him. and at the end of the day, it might not even be true and just fabricated to play on your compassion.
let him work out his living arrangements. right now, he is used to you backing down and him getting what he wants. you will find, if you don't back down, he will sort out a place to stay.
as for not being able to pay your bills if he sees an attorney, don't buy into this. you do what you need to do to pay the bills and let him manage his own finances. see, this is him still trying to manipulate you with money.
you just keep moving forward. you will find that after he is not living in the house, things will settle down for you and you will be clearer and able to deal with your affairs. give it some time and keep him out of the basement!
good luck,
naive
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
I did not back down--I am so proud of me!!!!! I said no, you will confuse the kids and I am not breaking the order. Guess, what? It was all a ploy and BS. My atty. called me and told me he HAS hired an atty. who called him because they want to revisit support, he has to pay to much--quack, quack, quack.
The atty. said he was just trying to make a case that he could do 50-50 placement and he was glad I did not back down. Well darn, telling your kid that you are still drinking is such a good move for that.
Also, he called and left a message about an hour ago and in this bored voice said he would find a place to stay. For Pete's Sake--he has the whole house to himself all day while I am at work and the kids are at camp or preschool (cuz they sure aren't stayin' with him while he gets high all day).
So, got my first taste of liar, liar pants of fire (OK, sorry had to say it). In some ways it was good he did this. My heels are dug down about up to my knees and they will not come out.
Alice-oh the pain of packing. This house is so big. I have so much stuff up to sell so I don't have to pack it. I have to say--having someone recommend a POD to me was great. Yeah, I'll have to unpack the think but it will be a heck of a lot cheaper.
The atty. said he was just trying to make a case that he could do 50-50 placement and he was glad I did not back down. Well darn, telling your kid that you are still drinking is such a good move for that.
Also, he called and left a message about an hour ago and in this bored voice said he would find a place to stay. For Pete's Sake--he has the whole house to himself all day while I am at work and the kids are at camp or preschool (cuz they sure aren't stayin' with him while he gets high all day).
So, got my first taste of liar, liar pants of fire (OK, sorry had to say it). In some ways it was good he did this. My heels are dug down about up to my knees and they will not come out.
Alice-oh the pain of packing. This house is so big. I have so much stuff up to sell so I don't have to pack it. I have to say--having someone recommend a POD to me was great. Yeah, I'll have to unpack the think but it will be a heck of a lot cheaper.
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