TakingCharge999

I want the light back on, its like I turn it on then I turn it off as well! ugh!

Its funny how you can look great but feel really lousy inside and no one will notice you, and when you feel great even if you just woke up and are wearing your worse clothes... everyone stares... (!!!!!!!)

I am afraid if I "forget" the bad stuff, I will be drawn to him again... I guess I am doubting myself here and trying to let go of all this mess but at the same time afraid of being once again at the start when I only saw the good things, then see him with someone else, blah blah here we go again with the hurting......

Hey wait, today I am working from home, so I can fly early and see if I can find the al anon group i saw the other day!

MY therapist does not specialize in addictions and kind of doesn't know the dimension of my feelings (or more like I haven't told her how much this still gets to me) , and I am realizing I still need to talk about this stuff

Thanks a lot !!!!

TakingCharge999

thanks anvil, let me think that one,

lets see if i can actually stop quacking and take my butt to a live group.

even numb with the meds i still feel i will keep crying all the time. hope they dont mind.

tallulah

And that's what you need to work on.. that's the internal validation. Do you know that I have discovered that all the external validation in the world means nothing without healthy internal validation for it to 'stick' to. You can have a whole line of people saying 'you're ok' and unless you truly believe that you are from inside it will just bounce off you. Some of that validation may cling for a little while but it doesn't stay.. it eventually falls off and you're back chasing it again.

In therapy I have said my biggest fear is repeating this again. In therapy I have learned that in order not to repeat it I have to not look at his side of the street but look at mine. I need to learn what led me into that neighbourhood and more importantly what kept me there even though I knew it wasn't a safe neighbourhood for me to be in. It's not about forgetting the bad stuff.. it's about remembering it in a way that works for you rather than against you. It is 'Let it begin with me'.

There was something which my ex did early in the relationship (he faked a suicide attempt... one of the emotionally abusive control hooks) which is one of those defining moments. Now I can view that incident in many ways, but the only way that is going to be of any benefit to me is in a positive way... taking the lessons from it rather than just the pain. So I learn why it made me feel scared rather than angry, I learn why it pulled me toward him rather than repel me... etc etc . I haven't forgotten it or how at that time it made me feel.. but I'm not letting it live rent free in my head.. I'm putting it to work.

jaguarpcb

There's no need to forget the truth....trust yourself enough to know you will never forget and that you will never allow yourself to be treated that way again. But there's also no reason to continually remind yourself of it, to seek validation from others, to wallow in that pain. Maybe if you're feeling his pull one day, then spend a bit of time remembering the bad to snap yourself out of it. But on a day like today, when you aren't feeling his pull, why dwell in the past?