When You Think You Should Leave?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Middle Village, NY
Posts: 48
When You Think You Should Leave?
I just ordered two books on Amazon: "Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay" and "Codependent no more". I'm going to start looking for a job tomorrow and deal with some offices. When you stop waiting for your husband to do something and actually start doing something yourself and for yourself you start being pretty busy. Of course minus usual cooking, shopping and whateverelseisthatidoallday thing. Than you wish there would be no need to sleep.
Anyway to the point. Here I go ;-)
When it's time to leave your husband who drinks:
You can't stand your husband's presence around the kids anymore. He thinks he's going to spend with them half an hour per two weeks, do whatever they want, give them whatever they want and that's parenting.
You can't stand when he touches you. He just doesn't get it does he? He thinks one day he treats you horrible and the next day he comes home after work and expects happy sex life. Those guy they have no clue about women.
You can't function during the day. You have to force yourself through simple things like brushing teeth, shaving legs, not mention food shopping, cooking, taking care of kids.
You don't want to sleep in one bed anymore, sit at one table, do things together. Well, it's not like you do things together anyway. He goes somewhere, spends time somewhere, he has friends you don't know. He does all kind of things just not with you.
You feel more relieved when he's not home. You maybe wait for him, but that goes together with "is he going to be drunk or not, what he's going to do when he'll be etc., etc." What's the point if he's home anyway when he only sleeps, eats, sits on the computer, watches tv etc.
You don't think about love anymore, you think "how to get out of here/this". You can love him from far, far away with the same results.
You don't want to have sex, he calls it "making love". Right! That's really love when you on the top of someone who's crying, trying to struggle and says "no" numerous times. Actually this is the only thing he still wants from you, and maybe only because "you're his wife"?
You don't think about your future together anymore. You're trying to make a plan how to leave and deal with the life yourself.
You can't stand the thought that you depend on someone like that and he may come up with some crazy stunt. Every decision he makes puts the whole family in trouble, usually financial trouble. You have debts you didn't make.
You can't stand the person you've became. This crying, hysterical someone who has nothing done.
You can't sleep, you can't eat, you feel like you're loosing your mind. You're affraid you're going to get sick.
You truly believe that you can be happy again just without him.
You don't trust him at all.
He sleeps with someone else and lies about it.
Of course on the top of this HE DOESN'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH DRINKING, YOU DO, HE JUST DRINKS BECAUSE OF YOU/WORK/STRESS/WHATEVER. Because he doesn't have a problem why on Earth you (stupid woman) want him to get help.
Does anyone have something more to add to this list?
Anyway to the point. Here I go ;-)
When it's time to leave your husband who drinks:
You can't stand your husband's presence around the kids anymore. He thinks he's going to spend with them half an hour per two weeks, do whatever they want, give them whatever they want and that's parenting.
You can't stand when he touches you. He just doesn't get it does he? He thinks one day he treats you horrible and the next day he comes home after work and expects happy sex life. Those guy they have no clue about women.
You can't function during the day. You have to force yourself through simple things like brushing teeth, shaving legs, not mention food shopping, cooking, taking care of kids.
You don't want to sleep in one bed anymore, sit at one table, do things together. Well, it's not like you do things together anyway. He goes somewhere, spends time somewhere, he has friends you don't know. He does all kind of things just not with you.
You feel more relieved when he's not home. You maybe wait for him, but that goes together with "is he going to be drunk or not, what he's going to do when he'll be etc., etc." What's the point if he's home anyway when he only sleeps, eats, sits on the computer, watches tv etc.
You don't think about love anymore, you think "how to get out of here/this". You can love him from far, far away with the same results.
You don't want to have sex, he calls it "making love". Right! That's really love when you on the top of someone who's crying, trying to struggle and says "no" numerous times. Actually this is the only thing he still wants from you, and maybe only because "you're his wife"?
You don't think about your future together anymore. You're trying to make a plan how to leave and deal with the life yourself.
You can't stand the thought that you depend on someone like that and he may come up with some crazy stunt. Every decision he makes puts the whole family in trouble, usually financial trouble. You have debts you didn't make.
You can't stand the person you've became. This crying, hysterical someone who has nothing done.
You can't sleep, you can't eat, you feel like you're loosing your mind. You're affraid you're going to get sick.
You truly believe that you can be happy again just without him.
You don't trust him at all.
He sleeps with someone else and lies about it.
Of course on the top of this HE DOESN'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH DRINKING, YOU DO, HE JUST DRINKS BECAUSE OF YOU/WORK/STRESS/WHATEVER. Because he doesn't have a problem why on Earth you (stupid woman) want him to get help.
Does anyone have something more to add to this list?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 646
Wow, your list is not pleasant to read. I felt sick reading it because it reminded me of the old me and my old life. I went through a period where I obsessed about all the ugliness from the A, and all that did was make me full of rage and made me depressed. But I had to do that to move on to the next phase of my recovery since I had pretended nothing was wrong. I had to become AWARE of reality, before I could ACCEPT reality, before I could take ACTION.
When do you leave? For everyone it is different. I read here once that people make a change in themselves when the pain of staying is worse than the fear of leaving.
By the way, welcome!
When do you leave? For everyone it is different. I read here once that people make a change in themselves when the pain of staying is worse than the fear of leaving.
By the way, welcome!
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Originally Posted by Pelican 
Does anyone have something more to add to this list?
When they are no longer "potty trained".
When they are no longer "potty trained".
When the mental abuse becomes a day to day action. When you say the sky is blue and they say it's red, then tell you you need serious help.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
When you arrive home and he does not even say hi..... its as if no one arrived...
When you are ill and when you mention you may cancel traveling to see him, he feels TOTALLY HURT and your MARTYR SELF walks to take the subway then walks to take a bus and you feel terrible for 7 hours to arrive at 6 am. Then he proceeds to take you to buy all his furniture and appliances. And you don't complain. You expect its normal for your partner not to care at all how you feel. UGH that was among my Best Codie Material.
When you LEAVE the house you shared because its obvious the drink comes first, and you prefer not to eat one day to buy a night on a cheap motel...
The next day you hear they told all the common friends he broke up with you because YOU have issues...
Then blink once, take two deep breaths, they have a new live-in girlfriend and found Love.
And you become invisible, you no longer exist.
And everybody says he moved on, he "lives in the present moment", invites him the drinks EVEN WHEN THEY KNOW HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH ALCOHOL :wtf2 and ask you WHY you are "still stuck on the past"
CMON. Its almost a joke. Against alcoholism you are nothing. Against denial there is nothing one can do. But it takes to reach the "codie bottom" to see you are worth more all this........
When you are ill and when you mention you may cancel traveling to see him, he feels TOTALLY HURT and your MARTYR SELF walks to take the subway then walks to take a bus and you feel terrible for 7 hours to arrive at 6 am. Then he proceeds to take you to buy all his furniture and appliances. And you don't complain. You expect its normal for your partner not to care at all how you feel. UGH that was among my Best Codie Material.
When you LEAVE the house you shared because its obvious the drink comes first, and you prefer not to eat one day to buy a night on a cheap motel...
The next day you hear they told all the common friends he broke up with you because YOU have issues...
Then blink once, take two deep breaths, they have a new live-in girlfriend and found Love.
And you become invisible, you no longer exist.
And everybody says he moved on, he "lives in the present moment", invites him the drinks EVEN WHEN THEY KNOW HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH ALCOHOL :wtf2 and ask you WHY you are "still stuck on the past"
CMON. Its almost a joke. Against alcoholism you are nothing. Against denial there is nothing one can do. But it takes to reach the "codie bottom" to see you are worth more all this........
Last edited by TakingCharge999; 07-26-2009 at 09:43 PM.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Originally Posted by Pelican
Does anyone have something more to add to this list?
When they are no longer "potty trained".
When they are no longer "potty trained".
How about, when you start thinking living in your car would be better?
or when they arent up in the morning for work, and you hope they are dead rather than just over slept, because dealing with death would be easier than if they get fired.
or when you start using the spare bathroom to make sure you dont sit or slip in vomit.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 77
When he is asleep on the toilet/recliner/floor and you are happy to have the bed to yourself
When you can't wait for him to go to bed so he stops yelling at you and the kids
When he is late getting home and you hope he got picked up for dui
When you can't wait for him to go to bed so he stops yelling at you and the kids
When he is late getting home and you hope he got picked up for dui
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Hey sapphire!
Welcome to the SR family! I guess you added to the list from personal experience too? I'm sorry you have had those experiences.
Make yourself at home and read and post as much as needed.
Welcome to the SR family! I guess you added to the list from personal experience too? I'm sorry you have had those experiences.
Make yourself at home and read and post as much as needed.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 119
* when you are out of town on business and he calls telling you that he is sick and begs you to come home to take care of him. you fly home early and take care of him while he is sick. you end up catching a severe case of flu from him during this time. he gets better and tells you to leave his house, that he can't help you b/c he is too busy trying to catch up with work and that you are on your own.
* when he has his kids for the first time in 6 months and you are out of town on business. he calls begging you to come home, so that you can spend time with him and his kids. you drive 9 hours to get home. when you arrive he is drunk and taking the kids to the park. you go along to try to keep an eye on the kids to make sure that they don't get hurt. He starts a fight with a teenager at the park for no reason. You then commence to taking care of everything, so that his kids don't get physically hurt b/c of his drinking and make sure that no one know what is really going on , b/c you don't want him to lose visitation with his kids.
i was insane back then.
* when he has his kids for the first time in 6 months and you are out of town on business. he calls begging you to come home, so that you can spend time with him and his kids. you drive 9 hours to get home. when you arrive he is drunk and taking the kids to the park. you go along to try to keep an eye on the kids to make sure that they don't get hurt. He starts a fight with a teenager at the park for no reason. You then commence to taking care of everything, so that his kids don't get physically hurt b/c of his drinking and make sure that no one know what is really going on , b/c you don't want him to lose visitation with his kids.
i was insane back then.
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