Is faith enough?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Is faith enough?
I am whirling around in a s**tstorm of packing, working, packing, cleaning, searching for housing, and taking care of me and the pets. I had to nudge myself to eat enough today.
ABF continues to go at a snails pace it seems with looking for a new job/new housing for himself. He quickly changes the screen when I see him on the computer in the morning...sneeky sneeky. While I work, he sits on the couch. While I pack, cook, clean, and walk the dogs, he drinks and sometimes doesn't come home long after the heavy lifting is over.
He asks a heck of lot of questions about what I'm doing and where I'm planning to go.
I don't want to get blindsided by some sort of manipulation in the next two weeks because he hasn't found anything, made no backup plans, and wants to follow me. I'm too distracted by what he's doing and why to really focus, and that's adding stress. I vowed to myself that even if he finds an arrangement for us all, I still won't stay with him. I'll couch surf and live out of a storage unit if I have to. I've had enough.
But this whole thing is just so overwhelming!!!
Every living situation I find that seems to be absolutely perfect for me and my pets, I'm hearing aren't actually vacant and might not become vacant. "So why offer or advertise it????" I ask you. My hopes go sky high, and then I'm crestfallen. Up and down and up and down.
I prayed today that HP keeps dropping those bread crumbs leading out of this craziness. HP started this. I will finish it, but I still need guidance. Time just keeps slipping away until 8/1 when the owner wants us out. I have not begged for an extension as of yet. Will it come to that? He's a real poop, and I doubt he'll care about my circumstances.
Ugh, my brain is all over the place.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. What if I can't do this????
Is faith enough? Is beating the streets for a place to live, packing my belongings and hauling my claptrap off for goodwill, loading it all until my back gives out, and a weary faith enough to make this happen????
If I make it through this, I may sleep for a week.
A very tired...
Alice
ABF continues to go at a snails pace it seems with looking for a new job/new housing for himself. He quickly changes the screen when I see him on the computer in the morning...sneeky sneeky. While I work, he sits on the couch. While I pack, cook, clean, and walk the dogs, he drinks and sometimes doesn't come home long after the heavy lifting is over.
He asks a heck of lot of questions about what I'm doing and where I'm planning to go.
I don't want to get blindsided by some sort of manipulation in the next two weeks because he hasn't found anything, made no backup plans, and wants to follow me. I'm too distracted by what he's doing and why to really focus, and that's adding stress. I vowed to myself that even if he finds an arrangement for us all, I still won't stay with him. I'll couch surf and live out of a storage unit if I have to. I've had enough.
But this whole thing is just so overwhelming!!!
Every living situation I find that seems to be absolutely perfect for me and my pets, I'm hearing aren't actually vacant and might not become vacant. "So why offer or advertise it????" I ask you. My hopes go sky high, and then I'm crestfallen. Up and down and up and down.
I prayed today that HP keeps dropping those bread crumbs leading out of this craziness. HP started this. I will finish it, but I still need guidance. Time just keeps slipping away until 8/1 when the owner wants us out. I have not begged for an extension as of yet. Will it come to that? He's a real poop, and I doubt he'll care about my circumstances.
Ugh, my brain is all over the place.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. What if I can't do this????
Is faith enough? Is beating the streets for a place to live, packing my belongings and hauling my claptrap off for goodwill, loading it all until my back gives out, and a weary faith enough to make this happen????
If I make it through this, I may sleep for a week.
A very tired...
Alice
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Flint MI
Posts: 4,455
faith tends to blind side you, when you lest think it is there you find just a mustard seed worth of it to hold on.......I dont know you Alice, but this I will tell you, I just walked out of a hospital where twice they pronounced me dead, didnt have one ounce of faith, kept saying what will be will be.........as soon as I gave it up to my HP saying your will I turned around, came out of icu after 17 days and now I am sitting at home, granted with my belly wide open and more surgery looming before me and kidneys shutting down, but I have faith........it is an elusive creature but one really worth having......
IF you have made up your mind to leave nothing will change it........nothing will change you, find the back bone that you had when you made that decision and hold it tight and say hey I am too good of all of this........ stand by you when nothing else matters no matter what...........that is the best decision you could ever make, good luck!
Hugs,
Pamm
PS at the end of the day the best thing you can ever do for you is be true to you!
IF you have made up your mind to leave nothing will change it........nothing will change you, find the back bone that you had when you made that decision and hold it tight and say hey I am too good of all of this........ stand by you when nothing else matters no matter what...........that is the best decision you could ever make, good luck!
Hugs,
Pamm
PS at the end of the day the best thing you can ever do for you is be true to you!
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Is faith enough? No, faith alone is never enough. But faith AND all of your back breaking leg work should just about be exactly enough.
In a short while you will look back on this in awe of what you and your HP are capable of. I know I did.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
In a short while you will look back on this in awe of what you and your HP are capable of. I know I did.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Pamm -
I cannot imagine the pain you are in at this point both physically and emotionally. To come here and lend support to someone else in need after what you have been through is truly breathtaking. For a fact, I don't think I took a breath or even blinked reading your post.
Your faith and strength are an inspiration. I hope soon you will tell us more and keep us updated on your condition.
My best wishes and prayers for a speedy recovery!!!!
Alice
I cannot imagine the pain you are in at this point both physically and emotionally. To come here and lend support to someone else in need after what you have been through is truly breathtaking. For a fact, I don't think I took a breath or even blinked reading your post.
Your faith and strength are an inspiration. I hope soon you will tell us more and keep us updated on your condition.
My best wishes and prayers for a speedy recovery!!!!
Alice
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Alice, I am excited for you. You are gaining momentum and soon will be free of a bad situation, and able to pursue a more meaningful and peace filled life. I am right behind you, and I will be reading your posts with great anticipation and cheering you along.
I'm growing
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Right where I need to be
Posts: 601
Alice,
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
It is hard, really hard. But that is why it is important to do.
Your post took me back to when I moved out.
Here is my post
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...me-breath.html
As long as I keep remembering to turn things over to HP, my HP (God) takes care of me. I cannot tell you all of the little things that just fell into place. It will happen for you too.
Then you will be here, no longer with a front row seat to the disease
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ially-out.html
Remember to take care of your self!! You are strong!
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
It is hard, really hard. But that is why it is important to do.
Your post took me back to when I moved out.
Here is my post
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...me-breath.html
As long as I keep remembering to turn things over to HP, my HP (God) takes care of me. I cannot tell you all of the little things that just fell into place. It will happen for you too.
Then you will be here, no longer with a front row seat to the disease
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ially-out.html
Remember to take care of your self!! You are strong!
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I'll couch surf and live out of a storage unit if I have to. I've had enough
You may have to do just that. It will be okay, tho!
Your A may not actually be looking for some place else. Have you considered that he may be playing computer games? He may be waiting for you to see that he has no where else to go and expect you to make it okay for him to tag along a little longer.
HP may put you on someone's couch so that your A sees there physically isn't room for him in your life. A forced seperation by your HP.
I know your deadline is quickly approaching. Take some time each day to meditate and be still. Let it be something you do for yourself and your serenity. Your answers may be waiting for you in the quiet moments.
Best of life to you!
You may have to do just that. It will be okay, tho!
Your A may not actually be looking for some place else. Have you considered that he may be playing computer games? He may be waiting for you to see that he has no where else to go and expect you to make it okay for him to tag along a little longer.
HP may put you on someone's couch so that your A sees there physically isn't room for him in your life. A forced seperation by your HP.
I know your deadline is quickly approaching. Take some time each day to meditate and be still. Let it be something you do for yourself and your serenity. Your answers may be waiting for you in the quiet moments.
Best of life to you!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 743
For me, the more I try to force a situation, the worse it always turns out. When I "let go and let God" things tend to fall in place. That doesn't mean you stop looking, but give up the frantic pursuit and let go of being so attached to the outcome. Open yourself up to whatever possibilities your HP has in store for you and see it as an adventure, with child-like wonder.
You have lived with an A.....you are a survivor. Listen for a miricle and share your needs with people. Don't be afraid to ask for help. That's something we seem to struggle with (I do anyway). You will not only receive a blessing, but you will bless the person that helps you as well.
You have lived with an A.....you are a survivor. Listen for a miricle and share your needs with people. Don't be afraid to ask for help. That's something we seem to struggle with (I do anyway). You will not only receive a blessing, but you will bless the person that helps you as well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Thank you all!!
The words of encourage and the reminders to breath and let go are priceless.
I realized this morning just how tired I am. I haven't been sleeping enough hours despite all the activity. I really need to turn in early tonight and get some rest. I'm no use to anybody if I burn myself at both ends.
Peace is coming.
The words of encourage and the reminders to breath and let go are priceless.
I realized this morning just how tired I am. I haven't been sleeping enough hours despite all the activity. I really need to turn in early tonight and get some rest. I'm no use to anybody if I burn myself at both ends.
Peace is coming.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Most 'recoverying'/'recovered' A's, and their F&F's too, will say that it's the 'actions' and not the 'words' that are important....the things to watch. For me, that goes with 'faith' too----even the most famous (or maybe most infamous, depending on your outlook) saying regarding 'faith' says that if that faith is not accompanied by 'actions' then that 'faith' is dead (meaningless).....
Therefore, for me, I guess I would have to say that.....NO, faith, by itself, is not enough.......at least imho, and through my experience.
NoelleR
Therefore, for me, I guess I would have to say that.....NO, faith, by itself, is not enough.......at least imho, and through my experience.
NoelleR
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