isurvived

Today, I put my son on a bus to attend an educational workshop for a week in another city. He'll be away for a week. His "dream come true", and he was really looking forward to the trip.

While we were waiting for the bus to arrive, he said he had something he wanted me to listen to, and pulled out his cell phone to retrieve a message. He handed me the phone and I listened. It was a message, actually two messages from his father, the XAH.

Several weeks ago, he ask his dad if he could help fund the trip — he is the other parent, and should be given both the responsibility and privilege of contributing. I have been unemployed since January, and really was hoping for some participation on his part, but not counting on it. He came through with enough to pay for the bus trip, which was helpful. Over the past few weeks, I've literally been living on peanut butter sandwiches, and the like, so I could save up enough to have my son go do this.

What I heard on the message was truly pitiful. It made me feel a twinge of sadness as I listened. My X, tearful and barely audible. Telling his son that he hoped he'd gotten the money and he knew it wasn't much, but it was all he could afford - and that he hoped he had a great time. He broke down several times during the message, and actually had to call back and continue his message once he got a hold of his emotions. What broke him up was his statement of "I'll always be there for you son." (He can't be there in person, or emotionally due to his choices of the drink over the family.)

I think he's finally beginning to understand just what he gave up for the drink. He's missing out on important milestones his son is experiencing. He's missing out on his growing up. He was 14 when his dad left, he's 17 today. There has been frequent phone calls, but few visits during that time. My son agrees that home life is so much better without his drunken father in the picture, but I do understand there is a loss there that he feels.

I could hear the sorrow and despair in my X's voice, and again was reminded of the broken man he has become. With that reminder, I also told myself and my son that it was NOT our fault, and we were NOT able to fix it. He knows that, but that doesn't change the realities of the broken family alcohol has caused that we both struggle with on a daily basis.

I gave him a big hug, and sent him on his way. I hope he has a great fun filled and exciting week. I felt good that I could accomplish this and send him, and greatful for even the little bit of help from the dad.

suki44883

Wow. That brought tears to my eyes. You sound like a wonderful mother and your son is so lucky to have one sane parent. Sounds like he realizes that, too. (((HUGS)))

TakingCharge999

Ok you are making me all teary at work...

Your son is probably very proud of you. I hope he has a good time, and that you enjoy your peace at home.

I also hope xAH takes this chance to "wake up" unfortunately we can't count on it....

Thank you for being such an inspiration for me today :ghug2

DesertEyes

A long time ago I was that teen living in an alcoholic household. In my case both my parents were boozers, I never had a loving mother who did the right thing for me. I can tell you that a single day without the poison of alcoholism in my childhood would have been worth a lifetime to me.

Your young man gets to become an adult with the guidance of parent that loves him unconditionally. I would have given a lifetime of poverty and peanut butter sandwiches for that.

Trying, thank you so much for sharing such a strong and hopeful peek into your life. Yours is a very inspiring story in the midst of so much suffering.

Mike