FunnyOne

Today I received an email from R?AH titled "Moving Forward"
(I think it should have been titled Moving On to the OW)

Here is what it said:
My plan is as follows:
A- we meet with Mediation Inc. (you have all the required information) by Monday 6/22 to put together a divorce agreement and subsequently file papers with a lawyer (yours or mine).
Or

B- if plan A doesn't work for you; I will file for divorce with my lawyer next week.

Please let me know what you want to do. I'm hoping plan A works for you for obvious reasons.


Here is the response I want to send...
"I made the obvious reasons clear to you when you were screaming for divorce last week that it's cheaper by a long shot to mediate and we don't have that much to split because you were unemployed much of the last 14 years.

There you go again you arrogant fake, deciding what the mediators schedule is and what my schedule is and making demands based on YOUR plan. And if you checked on the law you would find out that ONCE you contact a mediator there is a ten day cooling off period where both parties get to agree to mediation before the first meeting. AND, you have to come prepared with your budgetary needs and the list of household items you want, which I have asked you for six times in the last two weeks, but you haven't produced. And I have alot more to prepare as I am still dealing with figuring out what the medical debt is from your rehab stint and from the surgery for basal cell carcinoma because you HAVE to look tan even though you have been dealing with this cancer for five years. But since it isn't a fatal cancer, the tan has to come first.


You don't have a lawyer, unless you have one that works for free because you already blew your June budget on new clothes.

Me, I asked you for time because the medical insurance is with your company and I have some of my own health issues to deal with, but you told me you don't really care if I, the mother of your children is covered.

And, they will want to know what the custody arrangements are for your minor son that you haven't asked to see for 12 days and that you haven't helped cart to his two a day football practices."

ARGHHHHH. He is already living separately and I am still dealing with the shock of having no choice in the matter. WHY NOW? Blessing in disguise I'm sure because his arrogance certainly doesn't speak to a person embracing recovery. Anyhow, I won't send that response, any other ideas?

Still Waters

C: after the 10 days have passed?

FunnyOne

After one party contacts a mediator, both parties receive a letter and then have ten day period to agree to mediation. The first mediation meeting cannot take place prior to the ten day waiting period. Was that your question?

LaTeeDa

How about:

Sounds good to me. Let me know when the appointment is.

L

laurie6781

My response would be to contact my attorney, turn it over to the attorney and say .................................................. .........


START THE DIVORCE!!!

Please do not call him 'RAH'. From everything you have posted so far, this man is so far from recovery it is simply astonishing. He's PLAYING at recovery, but ain't no way in h*ll he is in recovery. J M H O

He's 'jerking your chain', 'pushing your buttons', and 'still MANIPULATING.'

As I said, if it were me, I would just 'file' for divorce.

Again, J M H O

Love and hugs,

ItsmeAlice

I say send him an email with one letter.....A.

I have had to learn the horrifying lesson that the more I try to explain reality to my ABF the less he is able to hear me. When going on a trip recently he asked me what documents he needed to get on the plane. I told him that he had to get a boarding pass to get thru airport security and that an e-ticket is not longer valid. For my informative answer to his question I got blamed for all the rules the FAA uses to irritate him.

I get from the fact that you are seeking other options to send to your A, you have already learned this.

Let your oh-so-recovering A figure out all the wonders of reality that you've listed for himself. He'll find a way to blame you for it all later, don't worry. By bringing all that up to him in any way shape or form just babies him and in his mind you will just be pointing out the things you are to blame for.

I'm sorry this is what you are up against, and I do wish reality hits him like a brick if he tries to manipulate the legal system.

FunnyOne

PERFECT La Tee Da, make HIM take action for a change!

FunnyOne

Thanks all of you, all good options, keep them coming. Maybe we could give out awards fot the best options for dealing with an A.

suki44883

Yep! I go with La Tee Da's suggestion.

FunnyOne

Laurie, Alice and all...do you agree with me that mediation with this ugly attitude of his is pointless? He is not going to put down his feathers.

ItsmeAlice

I say let the mediator decide it it's worth trying. He won't get to act so unruly there and will probably go in there with his angel wings on wanting to get all the favor he can get. The worse that happens is the mediator throws up their hands in frustration with him and sends you on to your lawyers. You will receive some good information there and it is worth the attempt at it considering the expense otherwise.

Just my thought on it.

LaTeeDa

What's the worst that could happen? You go to mediation, it doesn't work, you move on to option B.

I still say the best thing to do at this point would be lob that ball right back in his court.

L

Freedom1990

I agree. As Larry the cable guy says, "Let's git er done!"

ItsmeAlice

LTD is on to something there. A little Billie Jean King action. Right back atcha!

suki44883

Exactly! He's the one who's screaming for divorce...let him do the work.

FunnyOne

I love you gals! Such sage advice.

Jadmack25

I found that after talking to a brick wall, I ended up being the one banging my head on it.
Finally tried my Gran's old saying worked best.
"Save your breath to cool your porridge".

Follow the post ideas, and good luck with the twerp.

Barbara52

One thing I found very helpful in getting thru the whole divorce process was to remember that its best to treat divorce as a business proposition. Take the emotion out of when you are dealing with him. Keep it strictly on a rational, this is what has to be done basis. Its not easy but when dealing with all the issues, keep it to this is how these "things" will be divided, this is how the children are going to be handled, etc. Vent your emotions to friends/family/here. Keep your communication with him short and sweet, no emotions thrown in, just the minimum that has to be communicated.

CatsPajamas

I was in mediation last week ~ I went to support my friend who is going thru an ugly divorce from her AH. I've been thru it a time or 2 myself, years ago with my own unbalanced ex.

It is an interesting process - she in one room with her lawyer and he in another room with his lawyer, mediator going back and forth between rooms. She didn't have to see him or communicate directly with him at all.

The mediator is supposed to be completely unbiased and neutral, but she figured things out very quickly. She talked a lot about acceptance of things just as they are... I'd be surprised if she didn't have some exposure to recovery.

I hope your mediation works out for you. It's good to know your "bottom line" on things so you'll know what's worth the fight and what's not a big deal.

Good luck to you and the kiddo too.

FSquared

x2 what Barbara said. I spent many years after divorce of my first marriage responding emotionally to any/all transactions. With the help of my current wife I have been able to step back and approach the relationship (two kids involved...so definitely need for ongoing communication) from a business perspective.

It is tolerable now and I don't feel pulled and swayed by the ex-wife's prevailing winds.