blessed4x

So I've been told. Yikes, 22 years of marriage, he's only been out for 2 weeks, and he couldn't even wait until the ink was dry? Another "gift" reminding me of why I'm cutting him loose I suppose. Four days and counting.....

tallulah

He has another hostage to his disease. Poor gal..

Four days and counting blessed :ghug

DesertEyes

Yeah, it sucks. I was married 20yrs and she was fooling around with 3 married guys. _before_ we separated. You'd think the first one would have been a clue but noooooo. I had to stick it out for 3 strikes.

and yes, just like you said, I need to be reminded of how grateful I should be to be out of that mess.

Mike

Freedom1990

Mine moved on quickly too, and ended up marrying her after our divorce was final.

:ghug :ghug :ghug

TakingCharge999

As another poster said..

He's got a new enabler, blessed. Spell with me: a new E N A B L E R.

Active addicts do not get boyfriends or girlfriends as we do. They get enablers and fellow addicts. Friends of misery and another merry go round of deceit.

Like the classic reading about it being a Play - your function ended. Now its just a different actress, but nothing has changed at all. It can be anyone, really. Its not personal. It is just a role addiction needs to have fulfilled and there is always someone sick enough to be sucked in. Another volunteer to madness. Honestly I find compassion for this person. Imagine thinking you walk towards a rainbow, when in reality you are walking towards a damp full of crocodiles?

Look what he promised you and how he constantly let you down. Look what he promises his children and how he lets them down without a care.

You are doing GREAT!! Do no let your mind wander.

Remember: he is NOT George Clooney

blessed4x

CNMC2C

Unfortunately quite a few of us know the feeling of finding out that news. Maybe this new girlfriend will be the shiny new object that he focuses on for a long, long time and hopefully allows you time to continue moving forward with your recovery in peace without any of the usual addict drama/quacking. This is the realization that one of my close friends got across to me when I was having a nervous breakdown b/c of the A XBF's cheating before I left and marrying someone a couple of months after our split. It hurts, but it is a lot easier to move forward when there is no addict trying to coax you back into the den of enabling b/c their focus is on their new enabler.:ghug

nowwhat

In the words of my six-year-old:

Of coursely.

The patterns, the patterns, the patterns. These As are such a pain in the A!

FSquared

As far as I'm concerned...frequent partners, liaisons, cheating, etc. is all just an part of an active disease, whether they are drinking or using or not. Its all addressing whatever that void is that they are driven to fill.

TakingCharge999

I recall, back to my active enabler days after a Saturday binge where Yours Truly Of Course Drove Him Home Safely, he slept ALL DAY. With Death Metal/Gothic music playing loudly. I forgot whatever I had to do that day and slept next to him all day, even when I hadn't drank, missing breakfast AND lunch AND dinner just to be with him (what was wrong with me????????).

I recalled this image reading the thread. Even while sleeping he could not bear SILENCE.

That is how I choose to see this now - its all just noise to fill the silence. Really. Love has nothing to do with this....

whyamistaying

I was going to concur, be grateful you are getting out soon. (hugs)

MissFixit

Honey,

I know your pain. Mine got married yesterday to a woman he cheated on me with...in my hometown.

You are probably having conflicting feelings that will come in waves. Let them roll over you and know that they will pass. He is the same guy you couldn't take any longer. She is either ignorant ans will leave at the first crisis or she is as SICK as he is. Crazy stuff.

Hugs,

Miss

Chrysalis123

Oh, I am sorry. Happened to me too after 18 years of marriage and I separated from him due to an affair with a married mother of 3 (he swore it was just talking until I got the cell phone bill in my hands and then the story changed a bunch of times :wtf2 ). I stupidly let him come home and separated for good 9 months later after he stayed out all night. First lady friend after the final separation was 23...he was 47 and that was a kick in the gut. I had all sorts of reactions, but mostly rage because he thought it was a great idea to introduce this girl to his 2 daughters 12 and 13...that about caused a nervous breakdown in me. Second one was a few months later and he too thought the kids should meet her as well. This all happened after the separation and before the divorce. It was one of the most painful aspects of this ordeal, but now I am so glad I woke up and saw reality. My therapist was very helpful to me throughtout the turmoil!

thegreatescape

I had a relationship end because he was sneaking behind my back with a so called girlfriend of mine. Now, I know it isnt a marriage and it was less years than some of you (8 years), but boy did it sting, and sometimes still does.

The relationship was never about me and neither was the breakup. It was all about the type of individual he is. Hopefully, I make a better choice the next time around.

blessed4x

I see mine on Wednesday, and it can't come soon enough. Everyone told me he would get crazier the closer the court date got, but I had no idea. This weekend he has screamed at me, lied to me, tried to manipulate me into giving up my portion of his retirement, let his 2 youngest children down by cutting an all weekend visitation to 2 hours, put his teenage son in the middle of an unplanned visit, and threatened to "get real angry" if he can't get in the house when I'm not home.

I have used every skill I have learned from here, Alanon, counseling, but I have to tell you it's getting tough. I calmly explained that I will get a restraining order if he comes over and breaks in. He is more than welcome to come get his stuff, but if need be it will be with a police escort. Otherwise I need to be here to see what's going with him.

This will pass, right?

Daisy30

Oh ((((((hugs))))))

GiveLove

Yes, it will pass. (((( blessed ))) Of coursely it will. (thanks, nowwhat)

Sorry it is so hard right now....it will not stay this way forever, I promise.

TakingCharge999

Just throwing some ideas as I am not sure if they are legal/possible:

Would you be able to change the lock so he has to tell you beforehand when he is coming? can you plan it so someone is there with you, and you are not vulnerable to his manipulation... and he has to behave?

Would it be possible for you to throw his stuff in boxes for him to grab somewhere else? like the Great Continent of Antarctica? (see my avatar image, LOL)


Anyway, hang in there and focus on the wonderful present with the kids, and your bright future ahead!!!!!!!! (bananahead)-FREE

nowwhat

What a perfect description. Noise to fill the silence, or noise to drown out the internal chaos, or perhaps just a human band-aid to protect the wound.

His poor "GF" is being used. If she is emotionally healthy, she will either leave or she will become dysfunctional. If she is sick already, she will become sicker.

How fortunate for you, blessed, to see this at this time. Your HP is showing you exactly what you need to know.

But (((hugs))) because it hurts so much, even though you know the truth. The truth, it would seem, doesn't like to reveal itself gently at times.

blessed4x

Thank you all for the support. I am talking with my attorney today about my options for getting him the rest of the way out. He paid half of the June house payment so he feels entited to come and go......I'm just concerned about what is going with him. He did go through my jewelry box this weekend and took back his rings. I would have gladly given them to him, but it feels a little like a violation to have stuff just disappear.

Three days and counting........