GrowingPains

Doing well overall, thanks.

Our separation began in September and the divorce was finalized in late January. As hard as it was to initiate the end of the relationship, it was well worth it. One of my fears regarding living alone was surviving financially as a self-employed person. I was used to paying half of the bills and having his steady job to fall back on if necessary, although it never was. I've been keeping up so far, although I'd love for things to pick up a bit presently!

The house is clean, quiet and peaceful. I do less work around it now as I'm easier to feed and clean up after. I don't have to worry about my weird work hours waking anyone up or what I do with my schedule in general.

I see him now for who he is. I'd thought the only problem was alcoholism, but there is more than that going on. Even if he did decide to tackle his problems, I know our relationship styles and priorities are different enough that I have no desire to revisit. We've remained cordial through all this and he's been extremely slow in picking up his remaining possessions. I'm now ready for him to get the rest so the ties are cut completely.

I'm in a new, very satisfying relationship now. This is the first truly reciprocal relationship I've been in, as I feel I did more of the work in the past. He is the companion and friend I've always wanted in a partner in addition to being very affectionate and sensitive. I am savoring the experience.

I like this thread. I would have found it very soothing when I first came here.

freeflower

Hi everyone, lots have changed since I last posted. I spent 1 year away from ah in my little apartment and all I did was study co depen. and A abuse. I journaled and I cryed a lot. I ate way to much and had lots of pity parties. It sucked actually but i had to go thru all the steps. A few weeks ago i moved again. In to a house apartment with more privacy on a little lake. Another new start. On my one year anniversary from leaving my ah I filed for divorce. He has never attempted to change and still puts all the ruff decisions on me. All the details and paper work needed to file are so scary, our house still isn't sold but it is getting some serious bites now. I also have a a new guy in my life........................an old friend from high school looked me up..lets say i haven't felt this good in a long time and I can go weeks without thinking about ah's problems. I would like to say to all you knew people on here who are scared and lost to just keep following your heart, cry and grieve and don't waste your whole life trying to change someone, change your self.
SR helped me change my life. Thank you all and god speed.

naive

thanks for asking, i'm doing well.

i finally got the rest of my things into my new apartment two days ago and have now slept here two nights. bliss! i can sleep without being awoken by ABF. everytime i wash something, i think of the huge mess he always made and i always cleaned up. now, it's just me and i don't make a mess!

today, i plan to walk around the village and get a few things i need, like a laundry basket. then, i hope to hang the new drying line in my new yard and get my laundry going.

i still need many things, like a refrigerator and a cooker, but i'm really not bothered about that right now. i'll just eat fruit and cheese and bags of chips until i can afford one.

naive

Lilyflower

Thanks for this thread Bookwyrm, it is good to catch up with everyone. I haven't been posting a lot, loging on from time to time to 'see' how folks are doing. These days I am me focused.

It has been 15 months since I told my abf to leave. It was a heartbreaking decision to come to, but I truely couldn't do anymore. I was trying hard to commit to my own recovery; living with his on/off binge drinking episodes were too much to bear coupled with the financial strain of his unemployment, the ever increasing debts and emotional/verbal abuse.

Today, things are a thousand times better. I am still in debt, but now I am handling them rather than them handling me! I started college in september to be a qualified accounting technician. Hopefully I will be able to take this forward and be a full accountant. I am at 2/3 the way through my course.

Life at home for me and my daughter is bliss. The atmosphere is completely different now. At first I was constantly reminded of abf. We moved here together. I have been slow at removing all traces of him from my house, but this is mostly done and I have a target now to get my spare room decorated ready for a sofa I will be getting from my parents in June. I am going to change it to a 'hanging out' room. My daughter is getting older and developing her own tastes etc, so the room will be a place were she can do her thing, bring her friends to sit in, watch TV or use the computer etc.

I am full of ideas for the house. I am ready to put my stamp on it now. I have bought wallpaper and paint to do my front room and have plans for my kitchen and bathroom. Financially, that is going to take some time to accomplish but I love having the goal and the dreams of what my house could be, it gives me something to aim for.

I tried to date before christmas, but I quickly decided I wasn't there yet. Over the months he has been gone; I have changed my views on abf over and over. At first I pined for him, then I got angry at him, then at myself for staying so long. I have been through periods of wanting him back, to try again etc and also thinking I am so much better without him. These days I am comfortable with the knowledge that I am better without him I would not wish for those days to return. I also now understand that I am not finished loving him, I go weeks without thinking of him, yet if I see photos of him I still feel my heart flutter. Therefore I know I still have healing to do, however I am off antidepressants now for over a year also and I personally have never felt better!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

TakingCharge999

Lily congrats on your new life and going off the antidepressants!!
I just saw ex AH bf (work together) and
/ I could let go
/ I was HAPPY I did not have to interact with him in anway, of if I need it, it will be work related ONLY and he won't harm me again
/ I have an apartment and cubicle to (slowly) decorate aligned to MY tastes.
/ I agree we are much better off now. I imagined God saying me, one time when I arrived at the apartment, "Now tell me, Sandra, tell me you are not much better off now than with ex AH" and I just had to say "Thanks.."