How you doin'?

Old 05-15-2009, 02:55 AM
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How you doin'?

I've been reading so many posts about our A's in this forum. I thought I'd like to start a thread that is about US!

My AH left 8 months ago and I can't believe the difference in my life. It isn't perfect but it is getting better as time goes on. I still have good days and bad days but my bad days would have been good ones a year ago! I've done a little of the step work but only the first 4 steps. These helped me enormously before AH left but really kicked into gear in the first few months after.

I don't pine for my AH. I don't miss having him around but I do miss the occasional hug. I'm enjoying my freedom and revelling in living alone. Its the simple things sometimes. I can eat what I want when I want. I can watch TV if I like. I can even read a book - only interrupted by a head butting cat - in any room I choose!

In fits and starts, I'm rediscovering life. This year I've been to the cinema, I've been to the theatre 4 times and am planning more visits. I'm going to my first ever opera at the end of the month - I have no idea if I'll like it but I won't know unless I try! I've reconnected with old friends, rediscovered the joy of my exisiting ones and even started making new ones!

It isn't all roses though..

My house has been on the market since November and still hasn't sold. It makes me feel stuck - I'd really like to get a place of my own. I feel like a caretaker living here. I think I'm using it as a reason not to get out and do more. Join night classes? But I don't know where I'll be living in a few months time, it might be too far away! So that is something I need to work on. Maybe I will just sign up for that life drawing class I've been thinking about...

I'm still on anti depressants and will be for a while yet. I do get the occasional blue funk days. I still have to work on my self esteem, confidence and trust issues. I'm becoming so much more self aware - through reading, talking with my counsellor and visiting this board. Happiness is well within my reach and I do grab it most days!

I'm getting there, where ever there is, and I'm starting to find that the journey is much more interesting than the destination.

So tell me, how are you doing? How far on in your recovery are you? What are you doing for you?
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Old 05-15-2009, 04:02 AM
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Hi bookwyrm, congrats on finding yourself. Not pining over the AH? How did you manage to escape that feeling? I still pine over my ABF, which seems useless to me most of the time.

It sounds like you are doing a LOT for yourself. You should be very proud. I have done a lot of things I would have never guessed I could, or would do alone. I have flown to Vegas for 10 days, Virginia Beach for a week, Florida for 10 days, NYC at least 20 times, I went to the Yankee Stadium, (which was my childhood dream to go there, and I did it!). I like to travel and I am finding it enjoyable to do these things without the hassle of someone drinking and ruining the trip.

I am looking at joining a theatre group, book club, or taking up ballroom dancing. Never imagined I would step that far out of the box.

I love that I can cook what I want, eat when I want, read when I want, and just get up and go where I want. I do have to consider my son, who is 15, but he is usually with friends. I do my traveling when he is at his Dads.

I am looking for a home to buy. One that will be ALL MINE, where no man has laid his head down on my pillow. Someplace I can call my own, decide for myself what the color scheme will be, and how to set it up. I have this need to get out of this house I live in because the ABF lived here with me and I see him in every room, the fights, the passing out, the excessive drinking, the hateful words spoken, and even all the good stuff.

I will pray that your house gets sold so you can move forward.

I get excited at the possibilities in life and I also get very scared at leaving the past in the past. I am working on myself on a daily.

Thank you for the post asking everyone how we are doing. I guess we spend so much time on thinking about what isn't going right, instead of what is going right.

My biggest accomplishments over the last year is taking on the responsibilities of paying my own way 100%, living and taking care of the house on my own, finding the funds to take trips, managing my needs without leaning on anyone (except SR), and not being committed in the hospital for losing my mind. I had never even slept alone a day in my life until the ABF walked out. I had never made a decision on my own. I had never looked at myself long enough to see who I am, until I had no choice but to do so.

I am pretty proud of myself.
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Old 05-15-2009, 09:24 AM
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I'm doing well, thank you

I just got back from a week long vacation with my wonderful Girlfriend, it was no less then amazing

I'm loading up on coffee and puttering around the internet at the local coffee shop

Today I am going to prune my roses, mow my lawns, etc and clean my house (It was clean for my vacation but the hardwood floors were finished while I was gone, but now there is dust everywhere, but the floor looks FANTASTIC, it makes the whole house come together)

My life is so different this last year it's like night and day, here's why:

Because I have learned how to focus on myself

One of the difficulties I have with this forum is the focus is on "them" so much.

I was dying inside when I got here.

I wanted solution.

I needed solution.

I learned here the solution and the problem are on me. If I want to see the problem, all I needed to do was look in the mirror. If I wanted solution I had to take action. I had to change, for 3 years I thought if I could just get "them" to change everything everything would be all right.

I think you would get a TON more "looks" and responses if you titled this thread "He's cheating again" or "he's drinking again" or just "he's a rat bast@rd"

Anyhow, with that small "shift" learning how to keep the focus on myself, and to take responsibility for my own recovery from codependency my life has changed 180 degrees.

I'd like to thank you all here, this is where I learned that.
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Old 05-15-2009, 09:53 AM
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Hi Bookwyrm!
I'm doing really well thank you-
Gearing up for my last final exam of this semester on Monday. Then just 4 clinical semesters to go and I can take the RN exam.
I'm broke, as usual, but my body is strong and my boys are very healthy.
I got another P/T job, this one working with a midwife, which is hopefully what I'll be in 5 years, so I am learning lots, and terrified and nervous about all I HAVE to learn still.

When I started Nursing school in 08 I really took a leap of faith...I knew how I would survive that first year but I didn't have the next 3 years ironed out perfectly...well it all comes together, not easily, but by really keeping my focus on my goals, and making it a priority and not an option, I'm still motoring ahead at a good pace.

I also worked on a big project with one of my son's classes back in February. It was a huge undertaking but I am so glad I did it, I really got to know his teachers and class and neither of us will ever forget our experiences together. My grades suffered a bit but I'v been able to pull it all back together since the end of March.

My partner and I are still solid...this semester has been hard...and this relationship in general has been hard for me in the sense that it the first time I have actively made room for ME and not just given over everything I have to my BF!! It's probably why this is the best romantic relationship I've ever had...and still I am occassionnally assualted by guilty feelings when I can't drop everything and be there for him or can't laze around all weekend because I have non-stop studying to do....and it's all in me! He doesn't make me feel bad, he is very supportive...but it's like I'm not sure if I'm in a relationship if I'm not just pouring all that I am into the other person!! Just givin' it away!! But I've come a long long long way since my divorce and with effort and mental discipline I really grow every day, in my studies, in my relationship, in my parenting....one day at a time!

Looking forward to the end of semester and getting out and about socially a little more....gotta get my head out of the books first!

Bookwyrm I hope your house sells soon - you've come such a long way and I'm glad to hear about where you're at! I saw my first opera 2 years ago. I was NOT into it for the first minutes....I was like, OK, so this is just like the ancient form where "musicals" came from....yawn....and then WHAM, the heroine hit this note in her aria (the opera was "La Wally" by Catalani) and it was like my whole chest just expanded and opened up....and tears started streaming down my face...it was extraoridnary!! I was in shock at my reaction! I looked over at my friend who came with me opera and tears were streaming down his face too! Wild!

Have a great weekend everyone!!
peace-
b
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Old 05-15-2009, 10:48 AM
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Hi book!! Thanks for asking and letting me reflect on my progress.

Its been 5 months since I've been no contact. And about a month since I stopped the antidepressants. I was afraid of my life at work without antidepressants, but I am doing good. I avoid AH as much as possible. Today for instance, he is not here, so I feel relief as I know I won't be running into him. Before, I would obsess about where he was, with whom, blah blah. Now I am just grateful he is away. And I really started believing it was God's work, getting him away from my life. My faith has never been stronger.

I am loving my apartment more and more, decorating it, and feeling so great when I arrive. Today I will host a reunion with coworkers and I will cook a Mexican dish for them, which is known in Mexico city only. In an hour I will get the ingredients, so I am excited because they will be my first guests at the apartment. Hopefully they will like it!

At work I feel recognized. I feel proud because I am the only woman at work among other 100 male engineers, and I am the only one who works 24x7. I was given the most important and large account, a US based financial company. Last week I was 100% in charge of the global network as my team was under training. I was very busy, but feel really good about my accomplishments, about my boss trusting me with that huge responsability.

Many people said I was not worth this job as there were some troubles during interviews (they asked me stuff that I never said I knew!), etc, but none of the people that matter (my team lead, my ex team lead, my current boss and coworkers in USA) think that, quite the contrary, they value me and my job and are really kind. So I take it it was all envy! I feel so grateful I got a well paid job I like and helps me grow. I like it I do not compare myself or my achievements with others. At work I have a healthy attitude!!

I have been told I look great, much younger and if I have considered modeling, can you imagine. So it turns out I have never been boring, dumb or ugly, I had believed that 27 years and now I realize none of that was real LOL I get angry with myself for believing stupid comments or that other people's opinions were TRUTH and more important than mine!! HAH, never again !!

This weekend I will start studying for a certification. I have to pass 3 exams, this is the first one. I am very motivated to keep learning!

Its been a month since I am going out with a nice guy. He works and studies management. Yesterday he told me an uncle is involved in politics, and he will start getting involved with it and his uncle's campaign. He treats me like a lady, opens the door, invites me everything, brings me flowers, cards, chocolates - the whole deal. I feel very different with him. As we are both busy we really cherish the moments we spend together. I am so grateful he arrived in my life now, and not a minute earlier!

I am excited about my plans, I am saving to buy a dark gray Mazda (of course I will get it in year 2060 but I have a feeling I will own one sooner!), saving to buy a keyboard, a flat screen and a bike.

I am walking at a park at 6 AM, 3 coworkers go with me and its so wonderful, there is a Japanese garden that is so special. It sets my mood for the day. I am doing yoga again.

Later today my mom will go visit my sister in France. I am very happy. My mom had some health problems and we were not sure if she could fly. Well, she can! And I will join them for 10 days in July.

My sister will stop working and hopefully she will live with me for a while, so I am really happy already making plans to take her out, cook together, travel, etc.

I am painting and drawing again and my new teacher says I am very talented, its been years since I painted anything because I was so depressed and I thought I and my work was worthless, so its very meaningful that I am not only doing it again but doing it with passion as I believe in myself now!!

May go back to theater lessons, my director has been away filming but it seems he is back.

I am healthy and I have everything going for me, of course there are days where I am very sad but the bad months have helped me be a totally different person, focus on the present and the future, and on taking ACTIONS... if something makes me feel bad I call my therapist immediately to make an appointment LOL so I feel I am doing SOMETHING and I feel so empowered!!

I am just sad it took so much pain for me to wake up but I am grateful I get another chance at real happiness in my life.

Thanks for sharing and good luck to everyone, I agree, SR has taught me what health looks like and I will always be grateful with all of you!!

Last edited by TakingCharge999; 05-15-2009 at 11:04 AM.
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Old 05-15-2009, 11:26 AM
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Overall, I am doing great!

I split from my AH back in the Fall of 07, and my divorce just granted the end of April. I'm still in "limbo" regarding the division of our marital property, and that has me anxious. My X contested the proposed settlement, so the divorce went to trial. I have a $20K attorney bill (I know it is enough to choke a horse) but I still say it was worth every penny to be free from him.

I noticed the difference right away, it was like a vacation! My home was a peaceful place, no more walking on egg shells. No fighting, no violence, no stranger living there with me!!! Since our split, I have met so many more people, gotten out and done things I never would have before...(didn't want to introduce him to anyone, and he never wanted to go anywhere anyway) I'm enjoying life all over again!

I have no interest in forming another relationship, don't feel needy at all. If someone comes along, I won't look the other way, but I'm not "in the market" for another marriage period! For the first time in 28 years, I can reclaim who I am, what I want out of my life, and go the direction that I want to go — unimpeded by an alcoholic!

I'm still trying to be gentle with myself... trying to forgive myself for all the years I put up with that life.

I couldn't have made it without my faith. It was the ONLY thing that brought me out of the existence I was living.
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Old 05-15-2009, 11:30 AM
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I spent all winter training for my first ever half-marathon; which I completed a couple weeks ago! I had a painful (but minor) injury which meant I had to walk for about half of the distance; but I finished and I loved it.

I have a big yard at my rental house that was in desparate need of some TLC. I have doing some landscaping by putting in a path (of mulch and stepping stones) and planting lots of flowers. The amazing thing is I have spent next to nothing on the project. As soon as I started I had people offering me free plants and flowers.

I had the opportunity to see two of my favorite performers in concert last week -- Billy Joel and Elton John. That also came about in an unusual way as it had been sold out for months. A group from work was going and someone was sick and couldn't go, so I had the opportunity to buy their ticket. Funny thing is that my XAH and I had one of our biggest fights ever when I wanted to see this concert in 1994 (the first time they toured together). So nice to just be able to go because I wanted to and not have to worry about anyone else!!!

Been dating a very sweet man for about two months now. We spent some time at his house last night and I helped him plant flowers in his yard. I'm thinking that's what my HP wants for me right now -- to spread flowers wherever I go!

I am also in the beginning stages of planning to start my own business -- and cutting back to part-time at my current job. I have always wanted to do it; and it is clear that the right time is NOW. I have waves of fear about it; but it doesn't keep me stuck.

I am still sad, scared, and confused -- but not nearly as often. Now I also have faith and believe that no matter what happens I will be OK.

I love reading everyone's stories -- keep them coming!
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Old 05-15-2009, 12:14 PM
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Not much good news from me I'm afraid. No job, and frankly I've given up finding one here. I've been turned down for secretarial, restaurant, movie theater, housekeeping, day care, front desk, delivery driver, tech support, to only name a few.

I've been working hard trying to make more money online with my graphics, but it's not enough to even pay rent so far. Very disheartening. Not to mention that dial up connections make that type thing difficult - but I'm glad to have any connection at all.

I'm waiting to hear back from an attorney, to find out if I can leave the state immediately after I file. I'm going to have to send my daughter to my parents, while I take work in whatever city I can find it (I do network administration stuff, there is always employment in large cities). I've been told I can stay in womens or homeless shelters while I work, until I can save up some money. This is all until I lose my vehicle, which is likely...then I don't know what I'll do.

I'm trying to hold out until she gets out of school for the summer, so the trauma of moving her isn't so bad.

That's about it. The issue of no job, no money, and soon to be no vehicle pretty much controls every thought and action now. I'm glad I'm not having to deal with his insanity on top of it though, I can say that for sure.
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Old 05-15-2009, 12:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Still Waters View Post
Not much good news from me I'm afraid. No job, and frankly I've given up finding one here.
I neglected to add that I've also been unemployed since Januaury of 09. And, I too, am in the business of advertising design.

But, while that is troubling, and can sometimes keep me awake at night, somehow I've managed to make enough freelancing here and there, to pay for what needs paying. Things will improve, I know that — I know because I know my HP is working on it! Hang in there, it will get better!

Oddly, my current "unemployment" worked in my favor during my final divorce trial, as my AH was seeking alimony! Ha. He's out of luck in that department!
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Old 05-15-2009, 01:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Still Waters View Post
Not much good news from me I'm afraid. No job, and frankly I've given up finding one here. I've been turned down for secretarial, restaurant, movie theater, housekeeping, day care, front desk, delivery driver, tech support, to only name a few.

I've been working hard trying to make more money online with my graphics, but it's not enough to even pay rent so far. Very disheartening. Not to mention that dial up connections make that type thing difficult - but I'm glad to have any connection at all.

I'm waiting to hear back from an attorney, to find out if I can leave the state immediately after I file. I'm going to have to send my daughter to my parents, while I take work in whatever city I can find it (I do network administration stuff, there is always employment in large cities). I've been told I can stay in womens or homeless shelters while I work, until I can save up some money. This is all until I lose my vehicle, which is likely...then I don't know what I'll do.

I'm trying to hold out until she gets out of school for the summer, so the trauma of moving her isn't so bad.

That's about it. The issue of no job, no money, and soon to be no vehicle pretty much controls every thought and action now. I'm glad I'm not having to deal with his insanity on top of it though, I can say that for sure.
I'm right with you

I'm also employed part time, and I'm only making enough to go under slowly, I've also been turned down for over 100 jobs, mostly because I'm "overqualified".

what I'm trying to concentrate on is freedom from fear is more important then freedom from want.

That's a critical point.

I'm being directed towards something else I just haven't found what that is yet. That's my experience anyway, in the past if something didn't work that was my higher powers way of directing me somewhere else.

Where I am supposed to be.

I don't know where that is going to be yet.

The thing is, I don't see it as "nothing but bad news" although I certainly have bad days with it. I see it as "nothing but good news" with emotional flare ups around it because although I am having financial difficulties, and frequently am in severe financial distress, I am moving forward in my recovery. Financial distress always passes eventually.

Don't get me wrong, I go for days at a time with no money eating Top Ramen sometimes not knowing when work is going to come my way, going to a local coffee shop for internet because I can't afford it at home.

It's difficult, but it's my experience that everything will fall into place when I am ready. Not on my time, on HP's time. All I can do is the next right thing, keep on keeping on. My job is to fling sh1t against the wall, I need to remember I'm not in charge of adhesion.

Something will stick eventually.

They say "Doors open and doors close but the hallways are a b1tch" and in the meantime, it's a mean time, sometimes I feel I should just decorate the hallways since I seem to spend so much time here.

I don't know if you "do" Alanon, but the third step says "made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand him"

For me, it's been my experience that when I do that, and then concentrate on doing "God's work" (working my program, helping others etc.) I'm cared for.

It aint always the way I'd do it except on hindsight.

PS Yardwork and housework 80% done, it's lunchtime woooot
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Old 05-15-2009, 01:41 PM
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I agree Ago - I've been doing pretty good letting God handle it up until lately. But, I just can't mooch off of family anymore. It's killing me. You know, I don't even know if they consider it mooching, but I do.

This other crap hanging over my head (with the AH) just adds to it. I want to get it over with, but things happen in their own time.

Overqualified, that's me! I think I'm just going to put that on my resume from now on. :P
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Old 05-15-2009, 03:27 PM
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Hi Stillwaters, just offering some ((hugs)), remember people close to you are around to help you in times of distress and I am sure if the tables were turned, you would be happy to help them out yourself.

I recall when I was unemployed for 8 months, it was stressful and difficult to keep the hopes up, but you can do it! Or perhaps try something that is not your area (like waitress or something?) to make ends meet while you find something more appealing to you?

I have also gone without eating for days, and now I am better so I know that even in the most desperate situation things just start to fall into place little by little.

I will be thinking of you ((hugs))
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Old 05-16-2009, 11:41 AM
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It's exhausting reading what everyone is up to! Thanks for sharing your progress. Its always interesting to see where recovery is leading everyone and you all ought to be proud of your acheivements. I love reading these 'success stories'!

I had been caught up in self pity for a while there. I need to stop and assess where I am with clear sight and, you know what? Despite the bad things that happen/have happened/are happening, my life is good. I need to remember to appreciate the peace I have now.

Ago, Still Waters, Trying to Survive and everyone else in the same situation - I hope you all find work soon. :ghug2 Anything I could say here just feels inadequate so I'll just say I'm rooting for you.
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Old 05-16-2009, 01:41 PM
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Ten years ago today, I was holed up in a cheap hotel room with my dog, several miles from my house, because I couldn't bear to go home. I'd just learned that my then-ABF had gotten another woman pregnant, had been visiting the (same-sex) bathhouses whenever I was away, and couldn't pay his bills so was probably going to have to declare bankruptcy. All on top of the drinking, drugs, lying, sneaking around, verbal abuse, and other typical alcoholic problems.

Truly, I felt like I didn't want to live another day. But then there was my dog, sprawled on the hotel bed with his chewie bone, watching Animal Planet. I couldn't exactly leave him. So I mopped up my tears, threw away the mountain of used kleenex, got on my laptop and found a counselor, a local Al-Anon meeting, and a lawyer. And started putting one ragged hand above the other, and climbing out of the pit.

Today? Well, there are now TWO dogs on the bed watching Animal Planet, but it's at the little mountain house I share with my husband, here in our little town of 30,000. Work is okay (slowing down a bit, so I'm a little on edge some days). I wake up every morning and chase the elk & deer away from the lettuce in the garden. I planted potatoes in trash cans this year, figuring I can always live on potatoes!! I have a new set of friends, I've gone back to college, and I can spend time volunteering out here, where there are really some of the coolest people I've ever "met."

Today...I'm happy. I have faith that whatever comes, I'll be able to get through it, learn from it, and keep moving ever-deeper into happiness.

Hugs to everybody and especially you, bookwyrm, for starting this thread
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Old 05-16-2009, 02:18 PM
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have no interest in forming another relationship, don't feel needy at all. the 9.9 is there, just in case a nice giver, would come along.

I'm grateful, for my 4 years, after the mess. Back then, it felt a long way off, to get here.

I do what I like along the way. Always like spring, grow a few herbs in a window box planter on my ledge. The spring green color of the leaves, wildflower colors & scents, the birds chirping, sweet silence.
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Old 05-16-2009, 03:23 PM
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I'm doing great thanks.
It's difficult to allow myself to enjoy life as it is sometimes, I keep thinking back to how it was and thinking that at least he was alive then, but in reality, he wasn't living, just barely existing. It's getting easier for me though, I have to keep reminding myself that it's ok to be sad, but it's more ok to be happy.
I remember the good times, but I also remember the bad times, I have to keep it real for two reasons. So I never forget what Joe lived through, and so I can trully appreciate the peace in all our lives now.
My son, who is waiting for an appointment for possible ADD has suddenly 'lost' all his symptoms in the last few weeks (not something that's happened in the last 3 years) I'm holding my breath, but I guess I know why. I'm happy things are going well for him.
We went out today, me Joe and Dan, and the boys were complaining because I was taking too long with my make up! I haven't worn make up for ages. I guess I'm caring for me now too

Life's good, thanks for asking.
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Old 05-16-2009, 04:13 PM
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I graduated with my bachelor's degree in Parlegal Studies and Business Management from the University of Maryland today.

Work? WalMart is hiring and does not discriminate because of age. The federal government is suddenly hiring loads of people. Anyway, I qualify for a Legal Assistant Grade 5. I'm gonna hammer away at it, and in the meantime, if I have to scan food items at "Wally World" that's fine by me! I spent nine weeks scrubbing floors and toilets in a hair salon/day spa located in a strip center down the road. Would have stayed, but working with 20 women ... just a little too much daily " hormonal drama" for me! (Sorry if that sounds sexist, but the two worst bosses I've ever had were women!)

My cousin has offered to let me move in with him. That's a 2,300 mile move, but it should prove to be an adventure.

After two years off anti-depressants, I was put on a new one and it's working better than any other med I've ever taken. I feel happier, more at peace, relaxed, not obsessing or worrying over things all the time. And darned if the med didn't get me to the point that I don't even care to discuss AH anymore with family or friends. Old subject. Boring subject. Downer subject. Life is too short. I'm going to go live life the way I want to live it - broke or not!
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Old 05-16-2009, 04:46 PM
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Prodigal, congratulations on your degree. You've worked SO FREAKIN' HARD on that. Proud of you for never throwing in the towel.

:ghug3
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Old 05-16-2009, 08:43 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
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Thanks, GiveLove. I remember something that crazy man Ross Perot once said: "Winners never quit and quitters never win."

And I must be kinda crazy because, God willing, I'm going to try to get into grad school in January to start working on my master's degree - whether I end up scrubbing toilets and floors, it doesn't matter.
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Old 05-17-2009, 01:44 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
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I'm doing ok

It is 9 weeks since I left the A and in that time I have had no contact. The court case is still rumbling on but it does so on the periphery of my life and it is one of those things that I tackle when it throws a bridge in my way to cross. I barely allow myself time to think about him and if I do, I do not allow sentiment to get in the way of remembering the whole.. the good and the bad.

I am in a safe place and working on building a new life for myself. I've reconnected with some old friends (one of whom is a guy I was never allowed to speak to during that relationship) and it feels good to be able to just say 'hi, how are you doing' without any drama or without having to pretend that everything is ok. I've also made a bunch of new friends and while I don't have the capacity emotionally to make any substantial type of connection with people yet, I'm still enjoying it on a basic 'hanging out' level. I've also met a guy who is incredibly sweet, lovely and just normal (!) and while I'm not contemplating a full blown romantic thing with anyone right now, he is restoring my faith. It is always nice to be told you are incredible even if you don't always believe it

Physically I'm doing well. I'm out of the splint and with physioptherapy I'm progressing nicely. It is hard work and requires dedication to exercise and massage, but it is paying off. The scar does not look too bad and while it is a horrible reminder it is also a sign of how lucky I am and how far I have come.

I have bad moments but I remind myself that they are just punctuation marks in what is generally good. I'm in counselling and still attending al-anon. They are like top ups during the week to remind me that I have a life still ahead of me and that it can be.. no will be... wonderful.

It is both wonderful and scary.. but the whole world is my oyster right now.
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