hoodwinked

In my first post I was coming to terms with the idea that my husband may be addicted. I was angry because of all the lies. I had been snooping. I even taped some phone calls because I knew he was lying about what he was doing while I was at work all day. I confronted him with the tape and he said I was making a big deal over nothing. The tape revealed he had been selling Lortabs. He has a prescription.
I wasn't able to figure out what he was doing with the money. None of it was going toward bills. I thought he may be using it to buy something stronger. He seems to have stopped selling since I told him I don't want to live under that cloud. I am a nurse. I could lose my license if he were caught. I haven't tried to spy again. I'm not getting that feeling of being lied to now. But I don't know for sure. Anyone reading this may think I did everything wrong. Maybe I did. I would never have gotten the truth from him. What I really want is to help him and myself.
Does anyone either battling addiction or dealing wuth an addicted family member have advice? I love him and I want to stay with him. I'm also afraid that my life will be miserable if I do.

sailorjohn

welcome!!!

The 4 c's, I think the last one is the most important.

You didn't cause it

You can't control it

You can't cure it

Don't contribute to it. Which would be any actions on your part that allow the addict to escape the consequences of their choices.

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of good advice and support here.

GiveLove

I think you have reason to judge, hoodwinked. Judgments are NOT always a bad thing...sometimes they happen to protect us from harm. In your case, you've been lied to and your career has been put in jeopardy by his actions.

It's obvious that you care about him a lot, but you have to decide what you're willing to accept in this relationship and what you're not. Are you willing to continue on with him even though he is still active in his addictions? Even though he doesn't pull his own weight financially? What if you find out he is selling again? What are you willing to sacrifice on the altar of this 'love' ? Your peace of mind? Your sanity? Your job? Your self-esteem?

I'd encourage you to read "Codependent No More" and work through your feelings on all of this, and what you want to do to protect yourself from this.

Keep in mind that you can still love him...but you can love him while living apart from him. At least you will have safe distance where he can't tear your life apart along with his own.

Good luck with everything. You can't control his actions. But you can control how it affects you.