want2bfreenow

Right now my AH is in the hospital, hooked up to a ventilator. He tried for the millionth time to quit drinking on his own, with no plan, no help, nothing, and the withdrawal was too much. I came home from work to find him acting totally crazy and talking out of left field. I was scared for my son, myself, and even him.

No one knows when or if he would come out of it, and what he will be like at that time. They know there is some liver damage and pancreatitis and possibly some neurological damage. There is no way to tell the full extent of anything until he comes out of withdrawal.

I have let his family know that when and if he gets released he cannot come back here. Most of the family understands and is supportive. The last straw actually came before this happend, during the weekend. My 16 yr old son was off of school yesterday and AH happened to be on vacation from work this week (yes, he is still managing to hold his job, I think because he's been there so long and is really good at his job), and my DS asked if he could spend the night at a friend's so he wouldn't have to be home with him. That hit me like a ton of bricks.

I'm sad that AH has sunk so low. It's hard to see him hooked up to machines struggling to stay alive but I know he did this to himself. I hope he can recover and find some peace and happiness in his life, but that life can not be to me. My priority is to my son and myself, and we cannot and will not continue to live in this hell.

Thanks for listening!

coffeenut

Best wishes to you. Stay strong. Your son needs you.

And.....take care of YOU, too.

want2bfreenow

Thank you :-)

GwenMarie30

I wanted to hop across from the other side of the pond and let you know that I will say prayers for you and your son and your AH. Its hard when we have to go thru stuff like this.

:praying

Bernadette

hiya want2bfreenow-
Sending a prayer for you and your family...

Does your son know about AlAteen? I sure wish I had known about it when I was his age.

So much heavy stuff goes on in your mind and soul when you grow up with an alcoholic parent...it would've been nice to feel less alone, less ashamed, and to be offered some useful tools for coping and moving into adulthood with full knowledge of the dysfunctional dynamic I learned as a child...

I hope you both find some peace of mind soon...you sound strong and determined and focused on moving forward -- good luck-
peace,
b

blessed4x

You are in my prayers today. I understand how it feels to care about the A in our lives, but know that it is too much to carry on with them. You could be giving him a gift by setting him free. I also pray for his recovery.....physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

GiveLove

Big hugs to you, want2bfreenow. You're doing the right thing...let his HP take care of him, you take care of you & your son

TakingCharge999

Hi want, you sound very determined. I will be thinking of the 3 of you. *((hugs))

Freedom1990

Just checking in to see how you are doing today. :ghug :ghug

kelsh

Hi Wanttobefreenow,

I was the alcoholic Mom and my husband was the alcoholic take it or leave it drinker. We were divorced & now have remarried again...7 years ago...a lot of water under the bridge...I have been sober 20 years and he hasn't drank for about 10 years.

My H was in the hospital at the end of August on a respirator for breathing problems so I know what that feels like. My Mom died after being on a R for the last two years of her life due to COPD.

My Dad did have an alcohol problem & went to tx and never drank again. My brother also has been to alcohol treatment several times & is back drinking again. It is a terrible illness that leaves many family members predispositioned for following in the family member's footsteps. We also have depression in our family tree and one daughter and myself deal with this.

I made the same decision you are making only I left my family because I was the one with the problem and was tired of being the one hated by my four children & my husband. This was in the 1970's and no one understood depression and the possibility of self-medicating the depression with alcohol, which many people still do.

I admire you for your strength and the fact that you know you can't fix him..all along you could not have changed his choices and now it must be very hard to watch what he has done to himself with the help of his other drinking buddies...I will be thinking of you and your son...he is most precious & it is very hard for him to have lived through all of this & still be close to you. That is where it is all worth while.

My youngest daughter and I were talking one night....she had recently been diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes & was insulin dependent & I had recently went into the hospital for a medical detox and now that I was home & sober we were going to work on our illnesses together. It was a very precious/priceless moment...we were hugging and crying together. I will never forget that evening until I die.

kelsh

want2bfreenow

Thank you all so much for your prayers and encouragment. I am doing ok, thanks. I am sad but getting stronger. It's so nice to come home from work and not worry about what I am walking into. Right now, my son and a friend are in the living room watching tv - something he could never do before because AH was always passed out on the couch. It's so nice to just be normal and peaceful. I know that we cannot go back to living the way we were. Everything we had together is gone now, and my son and I need to move forward, not backward.

This is something I definitely need to look into, and me in Al-Anon. Even though AH is not my son's father, he has been a big part of his life for so long and I'm sure this affects him in ways I can't even imagine. I have mentioned it to him and he is resistant, but I know he will try it if I persist.

Kelsh, my prayers are with you and your daughter. Thanks for sharing your story. It was a very unselfish and loving thing for you to leave your family. I wish all the best to you and your family.

:ghug

Freedom1990

Sadness is a part of the process. I remember when the divorce was finalized from my EXAH. Even though he was abusive in every sense of the word, I still grieved the loss of that marriage, you know?

I'm glad you are seeing the benefits-a calm household, no one walking on eggshells! :ghug :ghug