He put a profile on Match.com
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 444
"Must be willing to drive me everywhere"
Ha ha ha -- I actually got an email from a "potential" date that basically said that..... because he had no license..... becuase he had a dui...... he would love to date me..... but I would have to drive...... Gees, how did I turn that one down????
Ha ha ha -- I actually got an email from a "potential" date that basically said that..... because he had no license..... becuase he had a dui...... he would love to date me..... but I would have to drive...... Gees, how did I turn that one down????
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
tallulah, wow what a great reading of his tactic!! you should have studied psychology LOL
starting, why dont you write him a symbolic letter telling him what you think of his tactics and his profile? get it all out, then burn the paper. repeat as needed.
this helped me a lot when ex talked about her new gf with all the gory details, at work, when he knew i was listening.
our ex''s would be good friends, i wonder how it would be like if they'd all met. they would exchange manipulation tactics and probably compete on who gets more drunk.
meanwhile, as another poster said, we'll be having european facials (ohh i am going for a facial next week
and making love at the beach, with real men, no hurt children inside men's bodies
i hope you enjoy your day at the park!!
starting, why dont you write him a symbolic letter telling him what you think of his tactics and his profile? get it all out, then burn the paper. repeat as needed.
this helped me a lot when ex talked about her new gf with all the gory details, at work, when he knew i was listening.
our ex''s would be good friends, i wonder how it would be like if they'd all met. they would exchange manipulation tactics and probably compete on who gets more drunk.
meanwhile, as another poster said, we'll be having european facials (ohh i am going for a facial next week
and making love at the beach, with real men, no hurt children inside men's bodies i hope you enjoy your day at the park!!
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
Originally Posted by Dreamer999 
tallulah, wow what a great reading of his tactic!!
having been around a master manipulator, it's been there, done that, got the T-shirt..
there is nothing they do that doesn't have a motive.. if his motive was to go on the site solely for its intended purpose he wouldn't have let her know.. he probably would have hidden it...
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
yeah, when i saw F with the new gf.. we were going towards the same place...but between A and B there were 8463896935669 different paths to take.. no, F. had to let me get on the lane just ahead of him so I was sure to see them, and he also had to take the very same street so we ended up next to each other's car...
later he denied doing anything to harm me and said he was just trying to be happy
and that i wasn't "supposed" to see that...
i get sick just thinking of it... YUK!! we need to congratulate ourselves more often... for leaving that hell. that is not life.
sorry for rambling, starting
later he denied doing anything to harm me and said he was just trying to be happy
and that i wasn't "supposed" to see that...
i get sick just thinking of it... YUK!! we need to congratulate ourselves more often... for leaving that hell. that is not life.
sorry for rambling, starting
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
anvilhead speaks the truth..
A person who likes to go out and have a drink in a social setting wouldn't think of listing it.. it is pretty much a given.. it is after all what alot of adults who don't have a problem with alcohol do.
I'd probably also say the same is true of those who are tee-total because it is a choice rather than because they have a problem with alcohol.. I doubt they'd list it as a quality either.. it's just part of their chosen lifestyle and would probably come up if/when they were f2f dating.. a bit like being a vegetarian.
I shall add these to my red flag list
A person who likes to go out and have a drink in a social setting wouldn't think of listing it.. it is pretty much a given.. it is after all what alot of adults who don't have a problem with alcohol do.
I'd probably also say the same is true of those who are tee-total because it is a choice rather than because they have a problem with alcohol.. I doubt they'd list it as a quality either.. it's just part of their chosen lifestyle and would probably come up if/when they were f2f dating.. a bit like being a vegetarian.
I shall add these to my red flag list
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
Originally Posted by anvilhead
i forgot, WHY are you still taking his calls and talking to him again?????????? sounds like this is an EXCELLENT time to wash your hands of the whole mess....him, the OW, match dot com, how much of an idiot he is, and just be DONE. leave the turds in turdsville and move on!
.
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Ha! I guess that is another to add to his profile:
"I have to have supervised visits with my 1 year old at my ex wifes home due to my alcoholism. Wanna give me a ride so I don't have to walk?"
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 211
FWIW, match.com has a survey you fill out where you check little boxes. I'm not sure you have to answer all of them, but it wouldn't be clear.
Like anyone's going to admit to being more than a social drinker, though, eh?
I think it's probably there so that people who don't drink at all don't have to date people who do, in whatever capacity.
Like anyone's going to admit to being more than a social drinker, though, eh?
I think it's probably there so that people who don't drink at all don't have to date people who do, in whatever capacity.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Hoosier Daddy?
Posts: 63
I remember my ex telling me she was "dating" not long after our relationship ended, quickly clarifying, "... but I'm not looking for anything serious." It stung like hell at the time, but now I see the manipulation and how I allowed it to effect me as it did. I also see the 'out' she gave herself with the clarification. It's also interesting that for someone who wanted to be so social, I've never seen her 'out'... not the grocery store, getting gas, at McDonald's, at the movies, etc... and we only lived 3 miles apart in a smallish town, for over a year, until I recently moved.
Now I like to think if she is dating or has met someone, "Good for you!", AND, "Good luck to him."
Many Blessings,
Shaman
Now I like to think if she is dating or has met someone, "Good for you!", AND, "Good luck to him."
Many Blessings,
Shaman
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 545
Originally Posted by Startingover2
He texts me last night asking how to get on Match.com. I didn't answer as I thought he was just playing me for a response. He sent it 3 times!
Seriously... it hurts right now... a few months from now... you'll look back and think geez....
Take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by tallulah
Imagine you didn't know him. And you were on that site looking for a date/boyfriend/husband/soulmate.
Imagine your disappointment when you hook up, get deeper involved, fall for him.. then find out it was all an illusion.
Don't feel angry.. don't feel upset or hurt.. feel very very sorry for any poor soul who gets taken in by it.
:ghug
Imagine your disappointment when you hook up, get deeper involved, fall for him.. then find out it was all an illusion.
Don't feel angry.. don't feel upset or hurt.. feel very very sorry for any poor soul who gets taken in by it.
:ghug
Not kidding!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
Its showtime! He is on his way to see baby. I am going to act normal and as if I haven't seen the lie filled profile nor am I going to make him happy by making a comment about asking me about match.
How does someone get to you so much and hurt you so much yet disgust you at the same time?
Here we go!
How does someone get to you so much and hurt you so much yet disgust you at the same time?
Here we go!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Oh Starting, I have asked myself the same question. Its such an interesting mix of emotions. Sadness, guilt, anger, disgust... please journal or find a way to take all those feelings out of your system!!
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
Here's the ad my ex actually posted at a dating site for people in recovery:
Single, tall, muscular, handsome, brown/blue, wm, 30's, employed in the mortgage industry and serious about his recovery seeks:
Single attractive w/w, ht/wt proportional, long hair a plus, kids OK, age unimportant for serious, long-term relationship. You must be independent, employed, and active in your recovery to be considered. To enjoy travel, conversation, dinners out, and cuddling at home. E-mail me and the fun begins!!!
Here's what he should have written to be honest:
Single (for good reason as you shall soon see), extremely obese due to food obsession, brown/blue w/m, 30's, unemployable due to multiple felonies and chronic relapser seeks:
Single, attractive woman, thin (even though I'm far from thin, I"ll tell you about it if you gain any weight!), long hair a plus (so I can hold you by it while I hit you!), kids OK (because you will be less likely to meet others if you have children to keep you home) older woman (more financial security!) for horrible long-term codependent nightmare of a relationship (and don't try and end it or I'll stalk you to your death!)
You must be independent, employed (so I can mooch off of you), and active in your recovery (because you won't be able to afford drink or drugs while you're taking care of me!). To enjoy travel (In your car!), dinner out (which you'll pay for as well) and cuddling (at your home, because I live in a dirty room in a halfway house!). E-mail me and the manipulation begins!
Doesn't the sound of him make you swoon??? Too good to be true right, girls? lmfao!!!!
KJ
Single, tall, muscular, handsome, brown/blue, wm, 30's, employed in the mortgage industry and serious about his recovery seeks:
Single attractive w/w, ht/wt proportional, long hair a plus, kids OK, age unimportant for serious, long-term relationship. You must be independent, employed, and active in your recovery to be considered. To enjoy travel, conversation, dinners out, and cuddling at home. E-mail me and the fun begins!!!
Here's what he should have written to be honest:
Single (for good reason as you shall soon see), extremely obese due to food obsession, brown/blue w/m, 30's, unemployable due to multiple felonies and chronic relapser seeks:
Single, attractive woman, thin (even though I'm far from thin, I"ll tell you about it if you gain any weight!), long hair a plus (so I can hold you by it while I hit you!), kids OK (because you will be less likely to meet others if you have children to keep you home) older woman (more financial security!) for horrible long-term codependent nightmare of a relationship (and don't try and end it or I'll stalk you to your death!)
You must be independent, employed (so I can mooch off of you), and active in your recovery (because you won't be able to afford drink or drugs while you're taking care of me!). To enjoy travel (In your car!), dinner out (which you'll pay for as well) and cuddling (at your home, because I live in a dirty room in a halfway house!). E-mail me and the manipulation begins!
Doesn't the sound of him make you swoon??? Too good to be true right, girls? lmfao!!!!
KJ
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
Startingover:
I was upset when I found out xabf had a new "female friend" too...for about a minute. Then I stopped to really think about what this girl was getting. I quickly decided I was not jealous of her because, in truth, she was getting no more than I was out of him, which was nothing, AND with the added lies and manipulation because he was seeing me and pursuing me the entire time he was with her. Let's see...she's getting an active alcoholic who can't take care of himself who lies an manipulates and will suck the life out of her for as long as she lets him. You should pity anyone he meets. I certainly feel sorry for xabf's new girlfriend. She's in for a bumpy ride to say the least.
Hang in there and keep laughing. This man is no prize just like the one I got rid of was no prize.
Big hugs!
I was upset when I found out xabf had a new "female friend" too...for about a minute. Then I stopped to really think about what this girl was getting. I quickly decided I was not jealous of her because, in truth, she was getting no more than I was out of him, which was nothing, AND with the added lies and manipulation because he was seeing me and pursuing me the entire time he was with her. Let's see...she's getting an active alcoholic who can't take care of himself who lies an manipulates and will suck the life out of her for as long as she lets him. You should pity anyone he meets. I certainly feel sorry for xabf's new girlfriend. She's in for a bumpy ride to say the least.
Hang in there and keep laughing. This man is no prize just like the one I got rid of was no prize.
Big hugs!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
He just left. I was pleasant and nice. After he got here I went to fold laundry in the other room but it didn't last long as baby wanted me back in the same room. The whole time I kept thinking what a POS he was. Trying to play good daddy. He hasn't seen her in a week. He has 4 visits per week and he bails on at least half.
I had to chuckle when he was here. His other daughter, 14 called him and needed him to get something for her school at the store. He was clearly frustrated as he didn't want to walk out of his way to the store on the way home. He made some hints to me to take him but I pretended I didn't get it.
Seriously! After everything he really wants me to still be his chauffer?
Baby and I waved goodbye at the door as he walked down the street
I had to chuckle when he was here. His other daughter, 14 called him and needed him to get something for her school at the store. He was clearly frustrated as he didn't want to walk out of his way to the store on the way home. He made some hints to me to take him but I pretended I didn't get it.
Seriously! After everything he really wants me to still be his chauffer?
Baby and I waved goodbye at the door as he walked down the street
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
I have been on match.com more than once... and it's where I met TMWMITW* so I am a big fan.
After many disastrous relationships, I came up with a list of screening questions. Trust me, if I had asked these in the earlier days, I would have saved myself some heartache, a fair amount of money, and a first name relationship with members of the local S.W.A.T. team....
#1 Do you still live with your mother?
#2 Do you have a job?
#3 Do you GO to your job on a regular basis?
#4 Can we discuss the medications you take on a regular basis?
#5 Does your doctor know you take all these drugs?
#6 Are you acquainted with any 12-step programs?
#7 Have you been institutionalized in the past 5 years?
The list makes me laugh, but seriously - I asked them and I paid attention to the answers. TMWMITW (*The Most Wonderful Man In The World ) passed this with flying colors.
My angel sponsor and another old time recovery friend used to tell me that Red Flags are NOT to be collected as party favors.
Good luck to you as you move on, and prayers for those who will fall for his false self.
HUGS
Cats
After many disastrous relationships, I came up with a list of screening questions. Trust me, if I had asked these in the earlier days, I would have saved myself some heartache, a fair amount of money, and a first name relationship with members of the local S.W.A.T. team....
#1 Do you still live with your mother?
#2 Do you have a job?
#3 Do you GO to your job on a regular basis?
#4 Can we discuss the medications you take on a regular basis?
#5 Does your doctor know you take all these drugs?
#6 Are you acquainted with any 12-step programs?
#7 Have you been institutionalized in the past 5 years?
The list makes me laugh, but seriously - I asked them and I paid attention to the answers. TMWMITW (*The Most Wonderful Man In The World
) passed this with flying colors. My angel sponsor and another old time recovery friend used to tell me that Red Flags are NOT to be collected as party favors.
Good luck to you as you move on, and prayers for those who will fall for his false self.
HUGS
Cats
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