He put a profile on Match.com
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
He put a profile on Match.com
I am hurting right now. OW found out that he was cheating on her and ended it with him 2 months ago. I delusionally thought it may be a turning point for him and maybe get his life together and come back. Stupid I know.
He texts me last night asking how to get on Match.com. I didn't answer as I thought he was just playing me for a response. He sent it 3 times! He isn't the match kinda guy....or so I thought.
This morning I just curiously look...yep. He put up a profile. Single, devoted, father of 3. Social drinker. Live life to the fullest and don't let the gossip get to you. He painted such a picture of a lie!
This hurts like hell.
He texts me last night asking how to get on Match.com. I didn't answer as I thought he was just playing me for a response. He sent it 3 times! He isn't the match kinda guy....or so I thought.
This morning I just curiously look...yep. He put up a profile. Single, devoted, father of 3. Social drinker. Live life to the fullest and don't let the gossip get to you. He painted such a picture of a lie!
This hurts like hell.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Startingover2 
OW found out that he was cheating on her and ended it with him 2 months ago. I delusionally thought it may be a turning point for him and maybe get his life together and come back.
My life is much less painful these days when I live in the moment, and accept things exactly as they are at that moment.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 211
My XAH did this too.
I didn't find it hurtful, though. I found his profile to be truly absurd. Not to mention I could tell what he thought MY issues were by the sorts of things he mentioned NOT liking.
(imho, my XAH's modus operandi was to drive a woman completely nuts through his awful behavior, then begin despising her for being neurotic).
On the upside: it did make me realize that if I did the online dating thing (which I did, a couple of different times in my life) that I should take ANYTHING ANYONE says with a huge pillar of salt.
Interesting--I had yet another A in my life many years ago, prior to my disastrous marriage. I met him on match.com. We dated for a year, he also called himself a "social drinker" but was, in reality, an A.
I'm sure some people have success through match.com, but it hasn't been my experience.
I didn't find it hurtful, though. I found his profile to be truly absurd. Not to mention I could tell what he thought MY issues were by the sorts of things he mentioned NOT liking.
(imho, my XAH's modus operandi was to drive a woman completely nuts through his awful behavior, then begin despising her for being neurotic).
On the upside: it did make me realize that if I did the online dating thing (which I did, a couple of different times in my life) that I should take ANYTHING ANYONE says with a huge pillar of salt.
Interesting--I had yet another A in my life many years ago, prior to my disastrous marriage. I met him on match.com. We dated for a year, he also called himself a "social drinker" but was, in reality, an A.
I'm sure some people have success through match.com, but it hasn't been my experience.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
Imagine you didn't know him. And you were on that site looking for a date/boyfriend/husband/soulmate.
Imagine your disappointment when you hook up, get deeper involved, fall for him.. then find out it was all an illusion.
Don't feel angry.. don't feel upset or hurt.. feel very very sorry for any poor soul who gets taken in by it.
:ghug
Imagine your disappointment when you hook up, get deeper involved, fall for him.. then find out it was all an illusion.
Don't feel angry.. don't feel upset or hurt.. feel very very sorry for any poor soul who gets taken in by it.
:ghug
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
startingover, maybe you're too hurt to think this way, but I'm personally just sickened and furious that he would rub it in your face this way -- asking you how to get on Match.com. The only reason he would ask you is to hurt you. I mean, he's not that stupid, right? That he doesn't know how to type m-a-t-c-h-dot-c-o-m?
Maybe not stupid, but he is that mean and hateful.
You may not feel it right now, but you've got to believe me somewhere in your heart that you are SO much better off without this in your life. I pray that soon you'll see you dodged this bullet. He cheated on you, then he cheated on her, and if he came back he'd cheat on you again, and he'll cheat on whoever is gullible enough to believe his lies on match.com. Let someone else have his lies, cheating, and emotional abuse.
Let your life's happiness be your revenge. You are worth so much more than that kind of sick prostitution.
So sorry
Maybe not stupid, but he is that mean and hateful.
You may not feel it right now, but you've got to believe me somewhere in your heart that you are SO much better off without this in your life. I pray that soon you'll see you dodged this bullet. He cheated on you, then he cheated on her, and if he came back he'd cheat on you again, and he'll cheat on whoever is gullible enough to believe his lies on match.com. Let someone else have his lies, cheating, and emotional abuse.
Let your life's happiness be your revenge. You are worth so much more than that kind of sick prostitution.
So sorry
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 444
I've been on match for awhile now -- I take EVERYTHING anyone says in their profile with a grain of salt. Not that I don't believe them, I guess the term would be healthy skepticism -- especially the drinking question. (I'm sure my XAH would describe himself as a social drinker, also). Spending time with people reveals so much more and I am getting better at identifying the red flags.
I went on a date once with a man that stated he did not drink alcohol. We met at a restaurant and by the time I got there he was already on his second margarita??? His story was that he put that in his profile because he didn't want to attract women that "party". Hmmmm.... whatever.... we didn't go out again.
SO2 - I am sorry he was able to hurt you again. I know how hard it is for you. You will find the strength you need -- hopefully this incident will help build that strength for you.
BTW - I have been seeing a great guy for about a month, and we met on match.... It was funny that one of our early conversations he commented as to why I didn't ask him more about what he was like. I told him that I didn't ask because I wouldn't believe what he told me anyway; that the only way I would know what he was like would be to spend time with him.
I went on a date once with a man that stated he did not drink alcohol. We met at a restaurant and by the time I got there he was already on his second margarita??? His story was that he put that in his profile because he didn't want to attract women that "party". Hmmmm.... whatever.... we didn't go out again.
SO2 - I am sorry he was able to hurt you again. I know how hard it is for you. You will find the strength you need -- hopefully this incident will help build that strength for you.
BTW - I have been seeing a great guy for about a month, and we met on match.... It was funny that one of our early conversations he commented as to why I didn't ask him more about what he was like. I told him that I didn't ask because I wouldn't believe what he told me anyway; that the only way I would know what he was like would be to spend time with him.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
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Originally Posted by GiveLove
startingover, maybe you're too hurt to think this way, but I'm personally just sickened and furious that he would rub it in your face this way -- asking you how to get on Match.com. The only reason he would ask you is to hurt you. I mean, he's not that stupid, right? That he doesn't know how to type m-a-t-c-h-dot-c-o-m?
Maybe not stupid, but he is that mean and hateful.
Maybe not stupid, but he is that mean and hateful.
I was thinking this same thought. Would you do this to him? Of course not. What he did was cruel, manipulative and something a poorly raised 13 year old might try.
I am so sorry you are hurting. Perhaps your HP has sent you a gift in this???
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
interesting he contacted you asking you how to get onto the site.. he didn't have to do that did he.. after all the instructions for joining these things are pretty simple and they are all on the site anyway aren't they?
he did that so you would know.. maybe so you would look..
he did that so you would know.. maybe so you would look..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
Thank you all. I agree him telling me this was mean and cruel.
I was just laughing with a friend....She said he forgot to add that he just got his second dui and doesn't have a license so the prospective date must drive! He also forgot he is broke so she must pay for the date. Twice married and twice divorced, a cheater and a liar!!
I am feeling a bit better. Thank you all. Keep it coming.
I was just laughing with a friend....She said he forgot to add that he just got his second dui and doesn't have a license so the prospective date must drive! He also forgot he is broke so she must pay for the date. Twice married and twice divorced, a cheater and a liar!!
I am feeling a bit better. Thank you all. Keep it coming.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Startingover2
Thank you all. I agree him telling me this was mean and cruel.
I was just laughing with a friend....She said he forgot to add that he just got his second dui and doesn't have a license so the prospective date must drive! He also forgot he is broke so she must pay for the date. Twice married and twice divorced, a cheater and a liar!!
I am feeling a bit better. Thank you all. Keep it coming.
I was just laughing with a friend....She said he forgot to add that he just got his second dui and doesn't have a license so the prospective date must drive! He also forgot he is broke so she must pay for the date. Twice married and twice divorced, a cheater and a liar!!
I am feeling a bit better. Thank you all. Keep it coming.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
Originally Posted by Startingover2
Thank you all. I agree him telling me this was mean and cruel.
I was just laughing with a friend....She said he forgot to add that he just got his second dui and doesn't have a license so the prospective date must drive! He also forgot he is broke so she must pay for the date. Twice married and twice divorced, a cheater and a liar!!
I am feeling a bit better. Thank you all. Keep it coming.
I was just laughing with a friend....She said he forgot to add that he just got his second dui and doesn't have a license so the prospective date must drive! He also forgot he is broke so she must pay for the date. Twice married and twice divorced, a cheater and a liar!!
I am feeling a bit better. Thank you all. Keep it coming.
and when you feel pee'd off about it have a read.. oh and laugh..
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
The call was a HOOK, a CON, and once you looked him up on match, a STING. right through the heart.
It was planned and carried out, apparently, to perfection....because sure enough you are suffering. And that was precisely his intent.
I think he's probably more than just an A. Pathological narcissist: read up on it. "Pathological": DISEASED. He IS a disease and he has done a good job of sickening you. You are sick and suffering and if he knew, he'd be delighted. And if he could, he'd sting you again.
Stay far away from this man, put a steel wall between you and him, and find safe, LOVING people to help you rebuild your beaten soul.
I'm so sorry....
Whenever you think you must be exaggerating his behavior and that you must be the problem and that you just weren't enough for him to love....check in here. Everyone will help you shake off that delusion and see BRUTALITY for what it is.
I hope you can straighten your shoulders, hold your head high, and have a better day today.
It was planned and carried out, apparently, to perfection....because sure enough you are suffering. And that was precisely his intent.
I think he's probably more than just an A. Pathological narcissist: read up on it. "Pathological": DISEASED. He IS a disease and he has done a good job of sickening you. You are sick and suffering and if he knew, he'd be delighted. And if he could, he'd sting you again.
Stay far away from this man, put a steel wall between you and him, and find safe, LOVING people to help you rebuild your beaten soul.
I'm so sorry....
Whenever you think you must be exaggerating his behavior and that you must be the problem and that you just weren't enough for him to love....check in here. Everyone will help you shake off that delusion and see BRUTALITY for what it is.
I hope you can straighten your shoulders, hold your head high, and have a better day today.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi Startingover, just offering some (((hugs))). Facebook, Match.com, Hi5 etc. are just ways to show yourself to others under The Best Light possible. Imagine if everyone spoke the truth.
Ex's profile would say:
"Will take horney looks to other girls even if you are sitting next to me. I am more worried about my car than about your life. I will drive recklessly and discuss with you why you cannot drive it for hours even if we are tired and cold, and home is 2 minutes away. I will drink until my last day on this Earth. I will get all your secrets and then backstab you with them while drunk. I will say I forgot everything. Then I will blame everything on your issues. As long as I have a Jack Daniels bottle, (yes, not a glass, a bottle.. or make it two) and sex, my life is complete.
F.
PS. Oh, I will also try to make our common friends not to talk to you if you do not act as I please or resent my actions. And I will always feel I am better than them. And you.
Please send me an email if interested "
Yeah, write how an honest profile would look like just for laughs!!
It was of really bad taste to ask YOU about match.com. Now, considering himself a social drinker? He is just deep in denial. You won't be missing life while a worthless guy like that (sorry) gets involved in more disasters and wreaking havoc wherever he is. You are free. You may hurt now, but just take this as another reason why you are no longer with him. Can you block his number, email, etc?
I did not believe it, but there are other men on the planet LOL that would never ever EVER hurt you in this way...
All the best!
Ex's profile would say:
"Will take horney looks to other girls even if you are sitting next to me. I am more worried about my car than about your life. I will drive recklessly and discuss with you why you cannot drive it for hours even if we are tired and cold, and home is 2 minutes away. I will drink until my last day on this Earth. I will get all your secrets and then backstab you with them while drunk. I will say I forgot everything. Then I will blame everything on your issues. As long as I have a Jack Daniels bottle, (yes, not a glass, a bottle.. or make it two) and sex, my life is complete.
F.
PS. Oh, I will also try to make our common friends not to talk to you if you do not act as I please or resent my actions. And I will always feel I am better than them. And you.
Please send me an email if interested
"Yeah, write how an honest profile would look like just for laughs!!
It was of really bad taste to ask YOU about match.com. Now, considering himself a social drinker? He is just deep in denial. You won't be missing life while a worthless guy like that (sorry) gets involved in more disasters and wreaking havoc wherever he is. You are free. You may hurt now, but just take this as another reason why you are no longer with him. Can you block his number, email, etc?
I did not believe it, but there are other men on the planet LOL that would never ever EVER hurt you in this way...
All the best!
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 207
Originally Posted by tallulah
interesting he contacted you asking you how to get onto the site.. he didn't have to do that did he.. after all the instructions for joining these things are pretty simple and they are all on the site anyway aren't they?
he did that so you would know.. maybe so you would look..
he did that so you would know.. maybe so you would look..
Another thing, just to let you know....Match offers a free 5 day trial....after that it costs $$. If this profile was just put on, it is probably just the free trial. After that, Match will keep the profile on, but he wouldn't be able to read/reply to any responses.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
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this is the read between the lines..
my relationship with the OW has failed.. I know you are not over me and would come back if I let you.. well who wouldn't huh, I'm a real catch.. so what I'm going to do is test your attachment to me.. I'm going to contact you asking how I get onto a dating site..
this works in many ways.. it lets you know I'm no longer involved with the OW and I am now free and available for you to adore me again and it unsettles you enough so that if there is a chance you will come back to me you will let it be known and if you let me know that there isn't a chance (but OMG why would you because I am after all a hell of a catch), I'm sending a message by doing this that I don't care because I'm going on a dating site..
win win win for me.. and as we know.. lose lose lose for you..
he's a jerk.. ignore him.. he is fishing, don't swallow the bait..
my relationship with the OW has failed.. I know you are not over me and would come back if I let you.. well who wouldn't huh, I'm a real catch.. so what I'm going to do is test your attachment to me.. I'm going to contact you asking how I get onto a dating site..
this works in many ways.. it lets you know I'm no longer involved with the OW and I am now free and available for you to adore me again and it unsettles you enough so that if there is a chance you will come back to me you will let it be known and if you let me know that there isn't a chance (but OMG why would you because I am after all a hell of a catch), I'm sending a message by doing this that I don't care because I'm going on a dating site..
win win win for me.. and as we know.. lose lose lose for you..
he's a jerk.. ignore him.. he is fishing, don't swallow the bait..
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Join Date: Dec 2006
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Originally Posted by Startingover2
I was just laughing with a friend....She said he forgot to add that he just got his second dui and doesn't have a license so the prospective date must drive! He also forgot he is broke so she must pay for the date. Twice married and twice divorced, a cheater and a liar!!
Gosh, I don't know how many bites he'd get if he posted: "Must be willing to drive me everywhere, pay all dating and legal expenses, take verbal abuse with a smile, clean up vomit, and deal with hang-ups from other women at all hours of the night. And don't even think about breaking up with me because I'll make your life a living hell." Sending up a prayer that the nice women on match.com will see through this, but hey, that's not under our control right?What are you going to do for yourself today that's nice, startingover? This is an icky thing that deserves to be chased out of your mind & heart with a celebration -- a "thank god I'm not stuck with that any more" celebration.
What are you gonna do? Of course, I always start with "european facial" but that's just because I always need one LOL
:ghug
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