LaTeeDa

This is an important topic, I think, so I wanted to give it a thread of it’s own.

For most of my life, I suffered from magical thinking. I say “suffered” because it caused much pain in my life and all the while, I was unaware of what I was doing to myself. I believe my upbringing had quite a bit to do with it, but society played a role as well. When I first began to recognize it, I was surprised at how prevalent it seems to be. Here are some examples from my own life:

Magical-All of my suffering will be worth it in the end.
Positive-I can end my suffering any time I choose.

Magical-If I find the “right one” love will last forever.
Positive-People come into my life for a reason, no matter how long.

Magical-I need a soul mate to make me whole.
Positive-I am whole and complete just as I am.

Magical-If only others would act right, I would be happy.
Positive-My happiness is within me, regardless of what others do.

Magical-My life should be the way I envision it.
Positive-I make the best of whatever life sends me.

I could go on and on with examples ranging from fairytales, to movies, to songs, etc. Do you recognize any magical thinking in your life?

L

cmc

magical:

I had some hopes and dreams for my kids that I was sure would turn out if only I did 'x,y, z.' That in addition to my faith; these 'blessings' would all come true in their lives.

reality:
I was and still am a great mom, but even as youngsters my kids had minds and personalities of their own. What I envisioned for them was not necessarily what their HP had in mind; in more ways than I can go into. I would have chosen an easier softer way for them- and that would have robbed them of true adulthood and the chances to learn and grow into strong successful people. The ironyof all that isn't wasted here.

note:
In my BEST thinking and with my BEST intentions I could not see the truth of any of these things until I was forced to by situations that arose in their lives and from within my whole family\.

I was certain that 'good families' like the one mr cmc and I were creating would just say 'pass' on all the troubles faced by others who were not as intentional and faithful believers in our HP... as much as we tried to be those things.

Faith is fine- and many of you may know that I am a person who tries to live by my faith in my HP- but...I've found it requires more and a deeper faith to actually accept what comes my way through the hands of my HP.

PoetryandHums

Magical: If I ask right, someone will rescue me.
Positive: It's okay and right to ask for the help I need to support myself. AND I can make changes in my own life.

Magical: I need someone to hold me so that all of this will go away.
Positive: I deserve the love of myself and others. I can care for myself no matter what the external situation may be.

Thanks for the topic

TinyDancer82

I totally agree. I always find myself fantasizing about how life should and ought to be. One of my worst ones is that I think "If only my husband were like so and so's, then I would be happy".

Sometimes I fantasize about other ways I could be living my life that I find myself dissociating from the present. Almost in a way that my "alcoholic" is doing as well.

GiveLove

Absolutely. Excellent.

Magical: If I just learn how to do and say the right things, he/she will stop drinking and we can return to our "perfect" life.
Positive: If I make the right choices for myself, I can have as happy a life as I choose, no matter what he decides to do.

Magical: If I just stay with him and support him/her, he/she will finally see how valuable a person I am
Positive: I know how valuable a person I am, and I choose to be around people who honor me without having to jump through flaming hoops for them.

Lilyflower

Lol, yeah I lived in Magical land too...

Magical: By continuing to act lost and hopeless the people I love will recognise I am in need of attention, love, rescuing and will come to my aid doing for me what I don't want to do for myself
Positive: I have the ability and the courage to get myself through my struggles without having to play the victim card and playing emotional games with loved ones

That was a big one for me, and I did it so often it became a subconcious thing and I wasn't always aware of my behaviour at all.

Magical: One day the right person will swoop me off my feet and make all my dreams come true
Positive: My dreams are in my own hands, I can make them come true for myself. If I happen to meet someone special they can enhance my life, rather than create it for me

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

bragi

LaTeeDa,

I think this is a great thread.

I would only add that sometimes our magical thinking is not obvious. I remember knowing what magical thinking was, but it took a long time before I realized I was doing it myself. It seems like it's often subconscious or semiconscious.

I think magical thinking might remain undetected also because we consciously don't like it, so of course we don't want to admit we do it.

I love that one! I think victimhood is a big ACoA issue. I'm not sure why, but I think we can all relate to it. Maybe it has to do with tying our happiness to other people -- possibly because we're so threatened by others' behavior.

bluejay6

Thank you for this topic.

I am working so hard to overcome magical thinking that I have been watching real-life crime shows like 48 Hours Mystery and others which show some terrible murder and follows the tracks to the killer and I think "Surely it can't be that person, he/she seems so NICE. And look, he/she is even CRYING."

And then sure enough I find out that was the person who cut the family up into little pieces.

My naivete and magical thinking is, I believe, dangerous, and I am really trying to face the realities of the dark side of life.

This is the same naivete that caused me to think the recovering drug addict I loved would never relapse because he had children he loved so much and would never leave me because we had something so extraordinary and I was an "angel" in his life.

He's still gone and I am still recovering from the blow of his punishing silence. No more magical thinking.

bragi

bluejay6,

Those are great comments.

I've actually watched a couple of Law & Order episodes with that same observation: Not all people are good, even if we want to believe they are; some people lie and take advantage of you. Not all people are like us. There are no rules!