Grace

It seems like forever since I've been on here. I only recognized a few names.
I need support AGAIN. I'm still struggling with the big 'C'. It has spread into my lungs. I've been receiving chemo since September. As much as I'm struggling with the cancer, it seems that I dwell the most on my ABF. Strange?!?
He is totally uncaring and without compassion. That hurts.
Some days are good, but the weekends are terrible.
I may have an opportunity to leave within the next couple months and I'm scared AGAIN. Scared to leave what I'm familiar with. Scared to be alone.
Afraid that I'll fail. I will miss our dogs, but I can't take them with me.
I know that the abuse is killing me. It often causes more pain than the cancer.

What I'm looking for from my faithful SR friends is support and brutal honesty to remind me that living with an abusive alcoholic is not living.

It will hurt to leave, but it hurts to stay. The weekends typically involve him getting drunk and screaming at me, making comments about my hair falling out, and often telling me to get out. Then he sobers up and acts like it didn't happen.

Help me out here, friends!

Barbara52

You have my prayers for healing and strength in your battle with cancer. {hugs}

You seem to know that you would be better off without the madness of alcoholism in your life. I will only add that you need your strength and your serenity to concentrate on you and your health. Dealing with the stress of living with an active alcoholic can ruin the health of any of us. You certainly do not need the added stress on you mind, body and spirt as you fight for your life. Please, remember that and leave him to his decisions. His battles are his to fight or not. Your battle is your first concern.

Still Waters

My prayers too Grace, and I can't help but feel that being run down (as living with an active alcoholic makes us) isn't helping you fight the cancer either.

Do you have any family or friends that can come help?

Sorry, I don't know the background here.

Bernadette

Grace!!!!
No kicks from me just a gentle ((((((((((hug)))))))))).

Maybe you need to be more loving with yourself instead of thinking you need a violent shove - show YOURSELF the love and compassion you are craving from a person who obviously is not invested in giving that to you. Do you have it within you to love yourself?? Not easy but do-able (I needed help from a therapist and AlAnon!!)

Love and freedom are all around you and within you!!

But if you need a push: GET OUT!! YOU DESERVE YOUR PEACE & FREEDOM!!!

hope you regain health & strength very soon--
peace-
b

Freedom1990

Hi Grace. I am putting you on my daily prayer list, hon.

I stayed with my EXAH for five long brutal years because I honestly didn't think I deserved any better. I was also terrified to be alone, so terrified that I was willing to live with the abuse.

Today I know I'm a child of God, and so are you, Grace. He's right there to hold your hand and help you through that fear, to take that step and walk away from the pain.

I hope you keep posting, and please know there are people here who care. :ghug :ghug :ghug

mermaidgirl

Grace-I do not know your story, but your post is all I need to know. You have a right to dignity and peace in your daily existence (even the weekends). Only you can make that move...and by coming back here you are already searching to hear what you already knows makes sense. Get out. It will not matter if you are there or not what he will do...because he is completely incapable of caring for another right now. Don't add to your struggle by staying with someone who is not interested in you.

blessed4x

((((Grace))))......praying for you. Peace and serenity are very powerful healing tools, and they are within your grasp.

GiveLove

Grace, sending you my best. Chemo stinks, and you're in my thoughts tonight.

I've known so many women who have developed grave illnesses (cancers, chronic fatigue syndrome, movement disorders) and I have had a chance to watch their choices.

Many of them became sick in the first place because of long-term exposure to the stress and abuse that addiction brought to their lives. The ones that seem to have the greatest percentage of recovery are the ones who de-stress their lives as much as possible, freeing their immune system to do the hard work of healing.

There's a terrific recent book called Anticancer by David Servan-Schreiber, a doctor who went through treatment for brain cancer....twice. He talks a lot about the adjustments we can make in our lives to fight cancer, even if we are already under treatment for it (the predictable dietary ones, sure, but more often things like peace, serenity, self-esteem, and a community of support) You might pass a few hours leafing through it if you can get it from the library.

Hoping you will make a quiet space in your life to permit your body to heal itself. The stress of living with an alcoholic will do quite the opposite.

Love and hugs to you :ghug3

Kimmieh

Take good care of yourself!

Grace

Thank you so much for the reminders and the supportive and encouraging words.
It is very difficult living with an alcoholic, let alone an abusive one.
What makes it so difficult to leave is that this has been my home too.
We have 3 dogs that I love with all my heart. Most places will not take pets.
It is such a tough job packing up an moving, and I am so tired all the time from the chemo.

I have been trying for years to make this work with this man, and now my time is running out. I just wish that he could treat me with kindness. It's just not there.

Thanks you everyone!
I'll stick around and keep in touch.