Husband Says they will laugh me out of an Al-Anon meeting.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Lubbock
Posts: 7
Husband Says they will laugh me out of an Al-Anon meeting.
Hi...My husband says I'm crazy. Says he doesn't drink every day...doesn't beat me, doesn't go out with the boys or come home late at night. He says he wants me to go to an Al-Anon meeting so I can get stories of what a real alcoholic acts like. Then they will laugh me out of the meeting he says.
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Georgia
Posts: 341
Al-anon and counseling have helped me a lot. Maybe he is trying to scare you into not going. Believe me nobody at an al-anon meeting will laugh at you at all. You don't even have to speak at the meetings if you don't want to, and after the meeting you can speak one-on-one with others.
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
Welcome to SR. Obviously his drinking bothers you enough to have a discussion with your husband about it.
I only have two things to say and then others will be along with much better information that I have to offer: 1) Nobody laughs at anybody in Al-Anon and 2) wife beating and staying out all night are not signs as to whether or not somebody is or isn't an alcoholic.
Go to an Al-Anon meeting anyway - for you, not to get definitions. Go so that you can work on you and your feelings.
Good to see you!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Lubbock
Posts: 7
Definitions
Hi MrsMagoo, You're right, I have spent the last 2 yrs trying to get definitions. Trouble is I've wanted to believe his definition. I'm angry at him for bringing me to this place. I don't want to be angry anymore. I don't want to be weak anymore. I've begged, pleaded, nagged, threatened and cried. Nothing has worked. When he drinks I feel scared and weak. He's a good man and would be almost a perfect man if he didn't have a drinking problem. It gets bad for a while and then he backs off. He admits he has a problem and then denies that he admitted it. I keep trying to get the definition of an alcoholic because I don't want him to fit the definition.:praying
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
Doesn't want you to go does he...
There are many different 'stories' as there are people sitting in the room. But one thing we have in common is that we walked in to the room because living with an alcoholic (be they wet, dry, functioning whatever) made our life unmanageable. Fundamentally, we all have the same 'things' in common: the feelings are the same, the manipulations are the same, the lies are the same, the games are the same, the sadness is the same.. etc etc etc.
Go if you want to. Do what you need to do for you. :ghug
There are many different 'stories' as there are people sitting in the room. But one thing we have in common is that we walked in to the room because living with an alcoholic (be they wet, dry, functioning whatever) made our life unmanageable. Fundamentally, we all have the same 'things' in common: the feelings are the same, the manipulations are the same, the lies are the same, the games are the same, the sadness is the same.. etc etc etc.
Go if you want to. Do what you need to do for you. :ghug
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
yeah, mine says the same. it doesn't matter if he is an alcoholic or not to me. what matters is that his drinking is affecting our relationship and also, its affecting me.
trust your feelings and intuition.
i found it very helpful to educate myself on alcoholism. and when i did, i found out that there are patterns to it, which fit many of the things i was experiencing. the more i read, the more the things i was sensing were validated.
good luck and welcome.
naive
trust your feelings and intuition.
i found it very helpful to educate myself on alcoholism. and when i did, i found out that there are patterns to it, which fit many of the things i was experiencing. the more i read, the more the things i was sensing were validated.
good luck and welcome.
naive
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by dlbysnd39 
Hi...My husband says I'm crazy. Says he doesn't drink every day...doesn't beat me, doesn't go out with the boys or come home late at night. He says he wants me to go to an Al-Anon meeting so I can get stories of what a real alcoholic acts like. Then they will laugh me out of the meeting he says.
Never heard that one before. From a double winner, never heard of anyone being laughed out of either an AA or Al-Anon meeting. Have been called crazy many times though.
Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
Ummm...how would he know what they would do in an Al-Anon meeting? Has he ever been to one?
When my XH used to start with his ranting, I took the advice I read in a book and mentally drew a window around his head and imagined he was saying all of those thing from the window of an insane asylum. Helped me put it into perspective.
I have been to many, many meetings and no has ever been laughed at or laughed out.
When my XH used to start with his ranting, I took the advice I read in a book and mentally drew a window around his head and imagined he was saying all of those thing from the window of an insane asylum. Helped me put it into perspective.
I have been to many, many meetings and no has ever been laughed at or laughed out.
Last edited by PurpleWilder; 03-27-2009 at 01:21 PM. Reason: Can't spell
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Originally Posted by dlbysnd39
I have always trusted my intuition. Its always been my warning signal. Its amazing to me how this situation has completely undermined my confidence in that intuition.
Do go, your husband is a putz (no offense) to say such a thing. Then again, alcoholics tend to be pretty big putzes.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
My now xAH always claimed he wasn't an alcoholic because alcoholics were those bums on the street who lost their jobs, their families, their homes. Since he was working, had a wife, owned our house, he couldn't be an alcoholic.
I wonder what he tells himself now that he got fired and hasn't worked in 4 years, had his wife divorce him, and his house was sold just before the bank foreclosed?
dlbysnd, even if your husband is not an alcoholic, his drinking and his behaviors are a problem simply because you see them as a problem. You find his drinking and behavior intolerable. He doesn't care. That is a problem in and of itself.
Stick around here. Try Alanon. Educate yourself and do what you can to improve your life regardless of what particular label fits your husband. You deserve better out of your one life.
I wonder what he tells himself now that he got fired and hasn't worked in 4 years, had his wife divorce him, and his house was sold just before the bank foreclosed?
dlbysnd, even if your husband is not an alcoholic, his drinking and his behaviors are a problem simply because you see them as a problem. You find his drinking and behavior intolerable. He doesn't care. That is a problem in and of itself.
Stick around here. Try Alanon. Educate yourself and do what you can to improve your life regardless of what particular label fits your husband. You deserve better out of your one life.
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