HP and synchronicity / a day of gratitude!
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
HP and synchronicity / a day of gratitude!
Hello friends
I just wanted to tell you that things look much much better for me.
I asked for a silent apartment full of light. Just for myself.
Today a coworker told me another coworker was renting an apartment. When I went to his place, he was about to go there. We went together, its well decorated, just painted, with white posh furniture, fridge, microwave, two beds and tomorrow they will give me the keys! I already asked my mom to come visit and stay with me for a few weeks. Of course I am not sure how I am gonna pay, but I will use all my savings to pay the first part and probably ask my mom or dad to lend me some $.
It is near my job so I can walk or come here using my bike
Funny its on a street called Quartz, the quintessential healing crystal! (probably reading too much into this, but who cares huh!) And there is a nice AA group a few steps from it. I am not an AA but they welcomed me when I felt like the Undead, crying, devastated, in shock without understanding why he preferred alcohol than what we had so I am looking forward to go there and remember why I left.
Anyway I just wanted to say that since I have invested more time in my relation with my HP everything looks better, tastes better, feels nicer... since I started not resisting but flowing with what life has had to offer me I breathe easier and its easier for me to be grateful and rest at peace with the past and the present.
Its near my exAH's home but guess what.. I am slowly accepting the reality that I will keep on seeing him, seeing him with his new gf, with friends in bars, at work, etc so I am really commited on working on myself so his importance in my life is less and less. I feel so free and back to my old trusting self. My bet is that, when I stop caring, when I finally let go, chances are I won't be meeting him often as my lesson will be learned.
I deserved some peace and quiet and already pictured myself doing yoga, painting, watching movies, waking up to a sunny day..to a sunny life
I am very happy today because HP answered my prayers, and he is also keeping me away from harmful people and closer to people that have nothing to do with addictions (talked to two coworkers that are nice to me, healthy, respectful) and this is the life I want to live. These are the friends I want in my life. I feel so great.. fresh.
Before, I dreaded each day as it separated me from what I thought was the love of my life, erasing memories, etc. but now I look forward to rebuild my life and accept only great people in it, who help me grow and will never, NEVER, let me down. Honest and loving people!
Life is so much better on the other side of the bridge! Thanks to everyone here in SR, its the best place on the Internet..
I just wanted to tell you that things look much much better for me.
I asked for a silent apartment full of light. Just for myself.
Today a coworker told me another coworker was renting an apartment. When I went to his place, he was about to go there. We went together, its well decorated, just painted, with white posh furniture, fridge, microwave, two beds and tomorrow they will give me the keys! I already asked my mom to come visit and stay with me for a few weeks. Of course I am not sure how I am gonna pay, but I will use all my savings to pay the first part and probably ask my mom or dad to lend me some $.
It is near my job so I can walk or come here using my bike
Funny its on a street called Quartz, the quintessential healing crystal! (probably reading too much into this, but who cares huh!) And there is a nice AA group a few steps from it. I am not an AA but they welcomed me when I felt like the Undead, crying, devastated, in shock without understanding why he preferred alcohol than what we had so I am looking forward to go there and remember why I left.
Anyway I just wanted to say that since I have invested more time in my relation with my HP everything looks better, tastes better, feels nicer... since I started not resisting but flowing with what life has had to offer me I breathe easier and its easier for me to be grateful and rest at peace with the past and the present.
Its near my exAH's home but guess what.. I am slowly accepting the reality that I will keep on seeing him, seeing him with his new gf, with friends in bars, at work, etc so I am really commited on working on myself so his importance in my life is less and less. I feel so free and back to my old trusting self. My bet is that, when I stop caring, when I finally let go, chances are I won't be meeting him often as my lesson will be learned.
I deserved some peace and quiet and already pictured myself doing yoga, painting, watching movies, waking up to a sunny day..to a sunny life
I am very happy today because HP answered my prayers, and he is also keeping me away from harmful people and closer to people that have nothing to do with addictions (talked to two coworkers that are nice to me, healthy, respectful) and this is the life I want to live. These are the friends I want in my life. I feel so great.. fresh.
Before, I dreaded each day as it separated me from what I thought was the love of my life, erasing memories, etc. but now I look forward to rebuild my life and accept only great people in it, who help me grow and will never, NEVER, let me down. Honest and loving people!
Life is so much better on the other side of the bridge! Thanks to everyone here in SR, its the best place on the Internet..
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I wont spend $ in gasoline
Thanks Freedom!! I am amazed as how I just asked for it, pictured myself, accepted I deserved some stability... and out of the blue everything solved itself effortlessly
Thanks Freedom!! I am amazed as how I just asked for it, pictured myself, accepted I deserved some stability... and out of the blue everything solved itself effortlessly
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Another example today:
I have a necklace and earrings that were a gift from my dad.
I found the necklace but not the earrings
and I said.. do I beat myself up for losing them.. or do I accept its just stuff and can always buy similar ones?
Went to my car. They were in a little box and I had forgotten I put them there.
When I let them go they came back to me
I have a necklace and earrings that were a gift from my dad.
I found the necklace but not the earrings
and I said.. do I beat myself up for losing them.. or do I accept its just stuff and can always buy similar ones?Went to my car. They were in a little box and I had forgotten I put them there.
When I let them go they came back to me
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I remember when you first came here, Dreamer......gosh, you were kind of a mess (and I say that with a hug)
I know we all have a ways to go but....you sound SO positive now. I wish we could all drop in and stay with you for a few weeks
:ghug3
I know we all have a ways to go but....you sound SO positive now. I wish we could all drop in and stay with you for a few weeks
:ghug3
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi GiveLove, I was not "kind of", I was a mess!! It was the worst part of my life so far and you were with me :ghug3 , a compassionate voice amidst hell.
Amazing how we can change so much so fast, from October to March I feel like I got 10 years older. I have learned more these months than many years before. My exAH and pain have been great masters.
Another thing that has helped me is to think about death and how I won't be taking anything with me, no one, nothing at all. Reflecting on the temporary nature of .. EVERYTHING.. has helped me stop clinging, frustrated
Amazing how we can change so much so fast, from October to March I feel like I got 10 years older. I have learned more these months than many years before. My exAH and pain have been great masters.
Another thing that has helped me is to think about death and how I won't be taking anything with me, no one, nothing at all. Reflecting on the temporary nature of .. EVERYTHING.. has helped me stop clinging, frustrated
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by Dreamer999 
Amazing how we can change so much so fast, from October to March I feel like I got 10 years older.
L
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Another gift today - when I arrived at work a coworker that has gossiped about my mistakes was talking about me with someone else. They questioned my mistake. I was able to dettach from their queries, I just said "Yes, I made a mistake, I quickly realized it, fixed it, was honest with the VP of Infrastructure and all is well now"
Not much room for them to say anthing else.
Dettaching is WONDERFUL
Not much room for them to say anthing else.
Dettaching is WONDERFUL
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Haha LTD... probably it was my bad english, I meant I learned a lot of lessons in a short while... I have a friend here nicknamed Vexun and he put it that way. I feel wiser! That's the word.. LOL.. and younger of course thanks to you too LTD, I have learned so much from your posts.
thanks to you too LTD, I have learned so much from your posts.
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Thanks friends, I feel the same way for all of you, sometimes we do not have time to say a personal "thanks" for a particular post the collective wisdom found here is something I bring with me all the time. When I am about to fall again I remember your strength and how we are all striving for a better life and oftentimes I wonder how you are doing and hoping you are feeling better.
I called my mom yesterday and she will lend me the deposit $$$, I will use my savings today and perhaps get my keys already I am happy because I can take my time and stay where I am at until there is Internet, hot water, etc. there. Busy weekend for me ! I hope you find a way to feel better this weekend and take the time to pamper yourselves even if its something little like buying a flower.
:ghug2
I called my mom yesterday and she will lend me the deposit $$$, I will use my savings today and perhaps get my keys already
I am happy because I can take my time and stay where I am at until there is Internet, hot water, etc. there. Busy weekend for me ! I hope you find a way to feel better this weekend and take the time to pamper yourselves even if its something little like buying a flower.:ghug2
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Also, a HUGE difference for me was seeing my friends from 15 years ago and my mom.
I needed to feel cherished and loved, and even if it was for 4 days, it worked magic in my heart, what a difference from all the months feeling undervalued, criticized, ignored, rejected, stomped on, etc. etc lol
We all deserve much more than that. I hope you reach out for ppl that love you, like my sister told me when I told her I broke up "there are many people that value and remember you, and will love you FOREVER" so its ok to ask for help, otherwise when I spent my days alone everything looked 10 times more difficult.
I needed to feel cherished and loved, and even if it was for 4 days, it worked magic in my heart, what a difference from all the months feeling undervalued, criticized, ignored, rejected, stomped on, etc. etc lol
We all deserve much more than that. I hope you reach out for ppl that love you, like my sister told me when I told her I broke up "there are many people that value and remember you, and will love you FOREVER" so its ok to ask for help, otherwise when I spent my days alone everything looked 10 times more difficult.
Getting to my HAPPY PLACE!
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 298
"there are many people that value and remember you, and will love you FOREVER"
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Just a little update
Today is a very sunny day here in Guadalajara. I am still packing my stuff and taking it to the new place. I will buy some supplies and wash some clothes, really looking forward to it !! charging my iPod to listen to my old tunes while buying soap LOL very grateful for having a job that allows me to buy the stuff I need.
Walking towards my car under the sun, with my backpack I got all sentimental and I am so happy I am leaving this room and place... it is very symbolic, I really feel like I am finally walking away from HELL...
I am thinking of everyone that is striving for a better life, because those are the corageous people I identify with and learn so much from. It is nice to say Goodbye to myself as a victim. FINALLY!
I am realizing today I am FREE. What a wonderful feeling. I am really looking forward to place all my energy in ME, to good use, its like my soul came back after wandering God knows where...
I am thinking of all of you and I do not feel alone anymore.
Today is a very sunny day here in Guadalajara. I am still packing my stuff and taking it to the new place. I will buy some supplies and wash some clothes, really looking forward to it !! charging my iPod to listen to my old tunes while buying soap LOL very grateful for having a job that allows me to buy the stuff I need.
Walking towards my car under the sun, with my backpack I got all sentimental and I am so happy I am leaving this room and place... it is very symbolic, I really feel like I am finally walking away from HELL...
I am thinking of everyone that is striving for a better life, because those are the corageous people I identify with and learn so much from. It is nice to say Goodbye to myself as a victim. FINALLY!
I am realizing today I am FREE. What a wonderful feeling. I am really looking forward to place all my energy in ME, to good use, its like my soul came back after wandering God knows where...
I am thinking of all of you and I do not feel alone anymore.
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