Paulos

Hi all, you may know me... Chairman of the SR meetings... on Sundays, Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays... what a Friday the 13th for me yesterday and today being Valentines Day...

I just ... I wish I didn't have a rageful, blinded by hatred drunk of a mother... I used to think the drunkenness was what made everything, she just has her own demons and anger as it is ... the alcohol puts the fire on the oil and makes it burn out of control, I wish I could get her to see this... sigh, I was called an @$$hole, ret@rd and other things last night, amazing how I just keep getting threatened and so on. After just the other day she apologized to me SO MUCH on how badly she treated me, there's NO JUSTIFICATION for how she's treated me... she acts like I'M a criminal, god... :|. Well Happy Valentines Day all.

Freedom1990

Paulos, I am so sorry. :ghug

My mom doesn't drink, but she's a very critical person.

I've learned not to take her words to heart, and not identify myself by what she says.

Do something nice for yourself today, okay?

timetogo

Aw Paulos.........I'm so sorry you are going through this.

there's NO JUSTIFICATION for how she's treated me

You are sooooo very right! Nobody should be called those names by anyone, let alone your mother. I have always found that when I have been angry at my kids (and I have been), that I had to look into myself and examine what the anger was about..........most times, it had nothing to do with them or what they did.....it was the situation I am living in (with an AH). I feel helpless and hopeless sometimes and have come to recognize that I take it out on those I love the most. I have stopped doing that. This is not to excuse the behaviour, it helps to explain it however. It's her disease, not you and again, you are right, there is no justification.

Please do what you need to take care of yourself. What can you do that can help to make it a better day? Try not to listen to those words because as you probably know, it's not about you.

Ago

Hi Paulos, Happy Vlentine's day to you as well.

When members of my family or others behave like that and name call and say mean and hurtful things I have to remember they are the sick ones, no healthy person EVER says such hurtful things about another human being, and the more they do it, and the meaner they are, and the more they do it, the sicker they are, you are absolutely right, there is NO excuse to treat another human being like that...EVER....for any reason.

Two things help me, one is to remember that they are in fact sick, and the next thing is to have an image of Beavis and Butthead in my head saying..."you're stoooopid...heh heh heh" or have a giant duck standing there going quack quack quack quack

It sounds silly but it really works, it's all I can do not to start laughing, and I have to say when someone is being mean like that and you look them right in the eye and they can see you are trying not to just burst into laughter right in their face it knocks them off stride and makes them think about what they are saying.

Rob B

Have you considered moving out? There may be programs available to you, in terms of independent living situations other than living with your mom. Perhaps developing some coping tools to deal with life and some of the hard stuff that comes with it may be helpful.

I know you don't like AA, so this probably isn't an option for you, have you considered other alternatives to help change the way you experience the world and reality?

Paulos

Rob B, you've tried to help me before but you're so realistic which is good and all but very naive of my scenario. I'm a 23 year old autistic male who never left the house much in my life and have no control over my finances or my own life really... I'm lucky I'm living here, I'm lucky I'm alive... my father died a year after I was born, it's a good thing he met her or else I would not have been born...

I'm an autistic who can barely deal with reality and am VERY pathetic in my existence, my knowledge is very low and my compassion for people is high but it seems I can't reach the sky when it comes to things... I just hang out and dry. I don't know what's with my rhymes, but anyway... thanks to all who support me, etc... I just may come to the meeting tonight, amazing how I'm a reformed drunk who hosts anti alcohol meetings who's involved in Al Anon... I find that very ironic.

Sigh,... bottom line is, I never was able to deal with the world well, I'm one of those "Types" that if I was born from the year 5,000 BC to 1,899 A.D and lived in those times I would have been strung up, thrown around, hung, killed, burnt at the stake and such that's for SURE due to them thinking of my retardation and such... Meh.

Ago

Then it's Lucky you were born when you were Paulos, when we have the internet, and much more compassion exists in the world, including f2f support.

Same with me, if I had been born 75+ years or more ago, 1st I would never have survived infancy, second, I would have died drunk 15 years ago at the very least.

Keep coming Back Paulos, We Love You!!!!

guiab

I'd say you are doing quite a lot. The anti-alcohol stuff is a tough goal. If I had that position in my home state (we sell a LOT of booze though state-owned stores), I'd be thrown into the flames!
In 5000bc an autistic person might well have been considered a holy man, communicating with the spirits of the skies and the forests, holding off drought and enemies with magic, and living in a nicely decorated cave.
I, with awful vision from early on, would have been bear food.

LucyA

Paulos, I work with people who have similar problems to you, some with alcoholism and some without, some who are nowhere near as high functioning as you are. Most of them live independantly away from their parents and families but with support, because they choose to. There must be something similar in your part of the world.

Rob B

I hear you Paulos, I kow it's not easy, I may not be as naive as you think I am, for the last 17 years I have worked in the field of Mental Health, currently I am a certified clinical therapist. Several of my clients have either Aspergers-Autistim or are somewhere along the spectrum, true this poses challenges, but they have leaned to overcome them. So can you.

One of your biggest hurdles, is you write self fullfilling prohecies, such as "I am worthless, I can't do it" etc... If we tell ourselves this long enough it becomes true even though it doesn't have to be.

You can live independently, you can be self sufficient, you can feel happy on a regular basis, how do I know, I have seen it firsthand. Lots of people want to help you, I may be able to link you with some transitional support if you would like. Please PM me if interested. Congratulations on your sobriety, this is a fantastic accomplishment you should take pride in.

Freedom1990

Paulos, listen to what Rob is telling you.

I get some assistance with things through an organization called Prairie Independent Living. They help people with disabilities. They have a lot of different services.

There is help out there. :ghug

stone

Rob has a point, I don't know how things are in America but in the UK there are things like sheltered accommodation where you live independently but have support too.
Might be worth thinking about.

Paulos

But my mother deserves to be loved, deserves to be bettered, she ... I... I can't take much more of this... it ain't just the booze really too, even though it fuels her fire, she just is so ... angry... at anyone who gets in her way ... she don't love me anymore, she lies when she says she does, and she acts like I'm a crim... CRIMINAL... ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH.

Ago

But you deserve to be loved and cared for too Paulos, and she loves you, she just doesn't know how...please, listen to Rob and Freedom, please....there are options if you should decide to look into them.

Paulos, your mother is not well, that means you have to look out for you now, it means you have to be the man now, you have to make the healthy decision for yourself little brother, talk to Rob, I'm sure he will be more then happy to help you

Andrew

stone

Paulos, a persons relationship with their mother is very complex and downright weird, whether you have autism or not.
No one can hurt you as much as your mum, and I was betrayed by her as a kid quite badly...but at some point I realised how I dealt with things was up to me.
I still have problems and can relate to your view of the future still containing problems...I dunno, I just see you growing, Paulos.

guiab

Paulos, your mother knows you love her but there is nothing you can do to make her choose the path of recovery. There is nothing in the 12 steps, or any real recovery program, that even remotely hints that recovery is under the control of anyone except the alcoholic. You care for her but the best thing you can do for both her and you is to make yourself better. I am sure I am not telling you anything new, but we all need a tough cold-water-shower reminder now and then of we cannot do, and what we can do.
You communicate and write well - I teach college courses and I know the difference between effective writing and the lesser stuff. I think you can make it on your own - you will find something, though maybe not as a 5000bc holy man (there is a recession after all).

Anna

Paulos, this is not what I see of you in your posts and especially not when you chair your meetings. You are able to manage meetings with twenty or so members and keep everyone comfortable and organized. You never fail to welcome a member who arrives during the meeting and you remind people of the rules to follow and the protocol. You do an amazing job, so please don't sell yourself short.

I like Rob's and Stone's idea of trying to find a place to live where you could receive support, but also live independently. I truly think it would be best for both you and your Mom.

greeteachday

Paulos, one thing I've learned since being here at SR is that when I think I can't...I can't. But when I picture myself doing, when I believe I can...the universe believes too and I succeed.

I don't know you personally, but I know your writings. And I have to say, I see an intelligent, compassionate person - not someone whose knowledge is low, as you describe yourself.

I know you face challenges, but I think the biggest challenge is believing in yourself. The wonderful folks posting here are true and honest and they see a very different Paulos than you see. Believe that you are who they say! I think it would be a wonderful idea to explore the opportunities Rob suggests. You don't have to act if you decide that isn't the way to go, but isn't it wonderful that there are options to explore?

historyteach

How are you doing today, Paul?
Have you given any more thought to what these fine people are saying to you?
Cuz I agree; you do a remarkable job with the meetings and you do not give yourself enough credit for your accomplishments. But, *we* see them! And we know that you are capable. You will come to know it too, one day.

Shalom!