Is he or isn't he?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Why not just let him drink what he wants, when he wants??
I think this is a great idea! Just remember you neither have the power to let him nor to not let him. But if by this statement you mean - just get out of his way - he is an adult and he has the right to drink or not drink then I agree.
He will drink whether you detach, or don't detach. He will drink whether you participate in arguments about drinking or you don't. He will drink whether you talk to your pastor or you don't! He will find recovery whether you want him to or not but only when HE decides he needs it. That is the reality of alcoholism. Drinking or not drinking is HIS problem, his choice.
Trying to keep yourself mentally healthy and free from "tension" and anger when you live with an active alcoholic is hard. But I think it's essential to living your best life!
It's probably what draws a lot of us to this website-- we all love or have loved or were raised by alcoholics:
How do I cope?
Should I stay or should I go?
What are my boundaries?
How do I maintain my own peace of mind?
How do I detach?
Does detaching send an everything's OK message?
Do I want to be in a relationship with someone I have to "detach" from?
What's best for the kids?
Am I an enabler?
How do I stop enabling?
How do I break my own unhealthy habits of mind and grow into the person I want to be?
What am I figuring out for myself with the same intensity that I bring to figuring out the alcoholic's problems!!
These are just some questions I have sought answers for over the years in AlAnon, in therapy, and here on SR... so just remember you are not alone - and breaking old thought patterns ain't easy - but it is worth it!
And *sigh* it takes time!
peace,
b.
I think this is a great idea! Just remember you neither have the power to let him nor to not let him. But if by this statement you mean - just get out of his way - he is an adult and he has the right to drink or not drink then I agree.
He will drink whether you detach, or don't detach. He will drink whether you participate in arguments about drinking or you don't. He will drink whether you talk to your pastor or you don't! He will find recovery whether you want him to or not but only when HE decides he needs it. That is the reality of alcoholism. Drinking or not drinking is HIS problem, his choice.
Trying to keep yourself mentally healthy and free from "tension" and anger when you live with an active alcoholic is hard. But I think it's essential to living your best life!
It's probably what draws a lot of us to this website-- we all love or have loved or were raised by alcoholics:
How do I cope?
Should I stay or should I go?
What are my boundaries?
How do I maintain my own peace of mind?
How do I detach?
Does detaching send an everything's OK message?
Do I want to be in a relationship with someone I have to "detach" from?
What's best for the kids?
Am I an enabler?
How do I stop enabling?
How do I break my own unhealthy habits of mind and grow into the person I want to be?
What am I figuring out for myself with the same intensity that I bring to figuring out the alcoholic's problems!!
These are just some questions I have sought answers for over the years in AlAnon, in therapy, and here on SR... so just remember you are not alone - and breaking old thought patterns ain't easy - but it is worth it!
And *sigh* it takes time!
peace,
b.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 7
He didn't throw away the brandy. It's in the liquor cabinet now. He drank a half bottle of wine before coming to bed last night. Funny. If somebody close to me was insinuating that I had an issue with alcohol, my answer wouldn't be to drink a half bottle of wine. He got up this morning and, as happens a lot, was very angry that he didn't have any clothes to wear to work that he liked. I'm assuming he felt that was my fault, but he never really said that out loud. I just went into my office to wait out the anger. and then he left for work without even saying goodbye to me -- which he has never done. I cannot believe all this drama over one stupid bottle of Brandy.
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