I Left Him
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Georgia
Posts: 341
I Left Him
I finally packed up the kids and left the house a few days ago. I was driving away and he was coming up the driveway. He got out and was stumbling around and his eyes were really red (drunk again). I told him I was leaving and he said the same garbage I've heard so long. "But I care". OK. I drove off and he just stood there like a statue in the driveway.
Now fast forward a few days later. The other day he offered to leave the house so the kids can have their lives back. He said he would move out and work on his problems. I thought about it overnight and said yes to him on the phone to which he said "I didn't think you would take me up on that." OK. More games. He said he is not drinking (but he goes to the same bar and drinks Coke, I know that won't last because he is at the bar with his "friends" who use him to buy their drinks) and has called his mother's psychiatrist for an appointment. That's different, but I know he'll go and lie like he did the counselor a few years ago, but he couldn't fool her and she told him he needed professional help that she couldn't give him and he came home and told me SHE was the nut. His memory of that is different. He said that I told him that she didn't need to see him anymore because he didn't need help. That is his total imagination as she said that he needed an specialist and that she didn't have the ability to help him with his problems.
It's the same crap and I'm not buying it. My gosh, the difference in how I feel is amazing. The kids are wanting to go home, but there is no way that I will live with him. I'm sleeping better and my heart arrythmias are gone so far (I see the cardiologist this afternoon for that problem). Living with him has started affecting my health (mental and physical) and I know I'll end up very sick if I didn't get out.
Now he is using the economy as an excuse. "We can't afford to seperate now." Who's fault is THAT. I didn't spend over $1,000 at the bar (and still counting) a month. Same old crap. Quack, quack, quack.
He is trying his best to get things back the way they were, but I told him I was not playing games and I will not move back in until he is working a program and getting professional help for at least a year. I can't stand talking to him, it's all a self pity party and lies about how he cares about the boys. If he really cared about the boys he would move out without a fuss, but no. Boy, are they selfish or what.
Now fast forward a few days later. The other day he offered to leave the house so the kids can have their lives back. He said he would move out and work on his problems. I thought about it overnight and said yes to him on the phone to which he said "I didn't think you would take me up on that." OK. More games. He said he is not drinking (but he goes to the same bar and drinks Coke, I know that won't last because he is at the bar with his "friends" who use him to buy their drinks) and has called his mother's psychiatrist for an appointment. That's different, but I know he'll go and lie like he did the counselor a few years ago, but he couldn't fool her and she told him he needed professional help that she couldn't give him and he came home and told me SHE was the nut. His memory of that is different. He said that I told him that she didn't need to see him anymore because he didn't need help. That is his total imagination as she said that he needed an specialist and that she didn't have the ability to help him with his problems.
It's the same crap and I'm not buying it. My gosh, the difference in how I feel is amazing. The kids are wanting to go home, but there is no way that I will live with him. I'm sleeping better and my heart arrythmias are gone so far (I see the cardiologist this afternoon for that problem). Living with him has started affecting my health (mental and physical) and I know I'll end up very sick if I didn't get out.
Now he is using the economy as an excuse. "We can't afford to seperate now." Who's fault is THAT. I didn't spend over $1,000 at the bar (and still counting) a month. Same old crap. Quack, quack, quack.
He is trying his best to get things back the way they were, but I told him I was not playing games and I will not move back in until he is working a program and getting professional help for at least a year. I can't stand talking to him, it's all a self pity party and lies about how he cares about the boys. If he really cared about the boys he would move out without a fuss, but no. Boy, are they selfish or what.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Georgia
Posts: 341
Thanks. I don't have regular computer access anymore, but I'm at the house getting a few things and doing some laundry while he is at work. I'm not being nasty with him, just firm. I just can't live like that anymore and neither can the kids. To look back now, it just seems so crazy and I can see why I was so stressed and depressed.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
I too was amazed at the differences almost immediately after I left xAH. The feeling of peace and calm alone was worth the pain of admitting I had to leave.
Stay strong. You are helping yourself, your kids and him too by doing so altho of course he won't see it that way at this point. Maybe someday. But that is his road to travel. All you can do is travel your own in the way you need to.
Stay strong. You are helping yourself, your kids and him too by doing so altho of course he won't see it that way at this point. Maybe someday. But that is his road to travel. All you can do is travel your own in the way you need to.
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