Help and advice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 4
Help and advice
Hi all.
I need an advice and some help from people with same expirience.My English is kinda bad so i will try to make it simple.
I have met this beutyfull girl with amazing personality and I thnk that she is the person that i would love to be with.Later in our conversations she mentioned that se is an recovery alcoholic.She only completed 3 out of 12 step AA recovery program and she is sober for 2 years That was a kind a shock for me coz she is only 23.I honestly think that she is in love with me but she changes her mood offten.Most oof the time shes sweet and nice but sometimes she acts and sounds anxious and pissed off.Im very healty person i work in the gym and im willing to help her and to work these issues and to support her.But i get thes mixed feelings all the time.Please give me advice how to deal with this coz i want to be with h
er.
I need an advice and some help from people with same expirience.My English is kinda bad so i will try to make it simple.
I have met this beutyfull girl with amazing personality and I thnk that she is the person that i would love to be with.Later in our conversations she mentioned that se is an recovery alcoholic.She only completed 3 out of 12 step AA recovery program and she is sober for 2 years That was a kind a shock for me coz she is only 23.I honestly think that she is in love with me but she changes her mood offten.Most oof the time shes sweet and nice but sometimes she acts and sounds anxious and pissed off.Im very healty person i work in the gym and im willing to help her and to work these issues and to support her.But i get thes mixed feelings all the time.Please give me advice how to deal with this coz i want to be with h
er.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Welcome!
She sounds like she is fairly early in her recovery even though she's been sober for 2 yrs. From what I know, she needs to concentrate on herself and maintaining her sobriety. That could make it difficult to establish a good relationship with you. I suggest doing some reading about alcoholism and how it can effect you if you decide to get into this relationship.
She sounds like she is fairly early in her recovery even though she's been sober for 2 yrs. From what I know, she needs to concentrate on herself and maintaining her sobriety. That could make it difficult to establish a good relationship with you. I suggest doing some reading about alcoholism and how it can effect you if you decide to get into this relationship.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 4
Im willing to try and to help her to overcome her troubles Im an active sportist i have strenght of mind and body,and she is aware of it. I just need other people opinions and views.Come on Alcoholics are people too!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Yes, alcoholics are people too. I love a number of them.
But an alcoholic is the only one who can help themself. We can support them but they usually get most of their support from others who truly understand what it means to fight an addiction.
Educating yourself on alcoholism, on how it effects those who love them or live with them will enable you to be supportive from a position of knowledge. Not a bad thing, right?
But an alcoholic is the only one who can help themself. We can support them but they usually get most of their support from others who truly understand what it means to fight an addiction.
Educating yourself on alcoholism, on how it effects those who love them or live with them will enable you to be supportive from a position of knowledge. Not a bad thing, right?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Come on Alcoholics are people too! Not sure what prompted this??
Yes - they are people - so they are complicated just like we all are - and then they have the added complicating bonus of being addicts or recovered addicts - it is simply another in the pantheon of issues that our loved ones (and we) carry. Alcoholics share certain traits - pretty much across the board - keep reading here and maybe you'll see the patterns.
If a person is behaving in ways that are not conducive to a real and intimate relationship then it doesn't matter why (alcoholism? anger? selfishness?) - it just matters whether we can build a healthy relationship and whether those behaviors are acceptable to me.
That's why B-52's suggestion to educate yourself about alcoholism and recovery is a really good one. It's important that you don't take it lightly - you dismiss a loved one's addiction at your own peril!
And you can be in the greatest shape in terms of mind and body - that doesn't mean anything to your partner unless they ASK for and ACCEPT what you have to offer. People do exactly what they wish to do. Thinking that we know what they need or what they should be doing can make us very sick!
We all love the alcoholics in our lives - that's why we're here, because loving an alcoholic presents special challenges to our own mental health!
It's great she's in recovery and not active. good luck-
b.
Yes - they are people - so they are complicated just like we all are - and then they have the added complicating bonus of being addicts or recovered addicts - it is simply another in the pantheon of issues that our loved ones (and we) carry. Alcoholics share certain traits - pretty much across the board - keep reading here and maybe you'll see the patterns.
If a person is behaving in ways that are not conducive to a real and intimate relationship then it doesn't matter why (alcoholism? anger? selfishness?) - it just matters whether we can build a healthy relationship and whether those behaviors are acceptable to me.
That's why B-52's suggestion to educate yourself about alcoholism and recovery is a really good one. It's important that you don't take it lightly - you dismiss a loved one's addiction at your own peril!
And you can be in the greatest shape in terms of mind and body - that doesn't mean anything to your partner unless they ASK for and ACCEPT what you have to offer. People do exactly what they wish to do. Thinking that we know what they need or what they should be doing can make us very sick!
We all love the alcoholics in our lives - that's why we're here, because loving an alcoholic presents special challenges to our own mental health!
It's great she's in recovery and not active. good luck-
b.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 4
I was trying to get more reactions thats why i sad alcoholics are people too. Thank you all for the advices and im willing to go thru with this.I was just trying to figure out the behaviours.What should i look out for how to deal with them and all i realy care about this person and i dont want her to go back where she were.
Since you people have expirience i would appreciate if you guys send me some links or what literature should i buy and stuff.So i can educate myself even more.
Thank you all and God Bless
Since you people have expirience i would appreciate if you guys send me some links or what literature should i buy and stuff.So i can educate myself even more.
Thank you all and God Bless
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: IL
Posts: 435
I would only remain in the relationship with platonic intentions. Friendship. THe issues are serious enough that I would set a boundary for myself .
I would not get into or would stop any physical intimacies so that I might not confuse them with how much I like whole of the person compared to how much i was attracted and how healthy they really are as an addition into my life as a lover. Once I was as sure as i could be, a position you are not from your post, then I would move ahead in a decision.
I would except the person to reveal themselves to me ,as to health and maturity, in the reaction they would have towards me as I chose to set boundaries to guard my heart and my future. This would also be because i would want the best for them, someone to whom i could choose to unconditionally love and yet be content with what they could were going to give me.
Patience is the wisdom of the day. Immediate gratification the risk of a future.
love tammy
I would not get into or would stop any physical intimacies so that I might not confuse them with how much I like whole of the person compared to how much i was attracted and how healthy they really are as an addition into my life as a lover. Once I was as sure as i could be, a position you are not from your post, then I would move ahead in a decision.
I would except the person to reveal themselves to me ,as to health and maturity, in the reaction they would have towards me as I chose to set boundaries to guard my heart and my future. This would also be because i would want the best for them, someone to whom i could choose to unconditionally love and yet be content with what they could were going to give me.
Patience is the wisdom of the day. Immediate gratification the risk of a future.
love tammy
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