timetogo

I don't know exactly what's going on with me at the moment. I am in an almost state of euphoria -- I feel strong, I feel like I can do anything I put my mind to, i feel free of worry about what my AH is doing because I simply don't care. I'm not scared anymore.

As I have said in threads before, currently, I consider us separated although he is living under the same roof. We do not talk. He wants to sit and have "a discussion" but I simply haven't had the time and when I did, he was off getting hammered. So, I believe I will have a "discussion" with him when I am ready.

In a perfect world, I would like him to move out to get an apartment, wait until a good time to sell (we live in "cottage country" so nobody buys here at this time of year and with the economy in the gutter.......), divide everything and move on with my life (sounds easy). I know I have many many many hurdles to climb, but some how, I feel ok.

I wonder if I am in some sort of avoidance/ambivalence stage? Has anyone ever experienced that? Part of me doesn't want to talk to him because I think (although I deserve it) he sees me as "out to screw him" in regards to our home/vehicles/etc. I haven't told people that I would like to tell (co workers, etc) because #1 I'm embarrassed and #2 it will be real and irreversible then (which is what I want but what if that's not what happens?). The other part doesn't want him to ask me to forgive him again (I really don't think that will happen). So am I avoiding the conversation? I feel powerful at the moment and it's hard to explain. Is this what true detachment feels like? Is this what it feels like to let go?

Is it normal not to fall apart when "it's over"?

coyote21

For myself I would have to say that was true to certain extent. I wouldn't say I exactly "fell apart".

But I would say that when I was in the "thick of it", I couldn't afford the luxury of the "letting go" of my feelings, or letting my guard down. Afterwards it was like "whew", leaning against a wall and allowing my self to just slide down it!

It was weird in the respect that I didn't see that coming, I was completely blind sided by the rush of emotions.

I think if you already expect that "release" afterward, you are probably way more intuitive than me. But then I am a guy! At least that's my excuse, and I'm sticking to it.

Oh, reread you op, I'm talking about over-over, as in divorced and out of the house-over. So never mind!

Thanks and God bless us all, :praying
Coyote

drained22

detachment was forced upon me.. real detachment is still loving the person yet know your emotions can't be abused.

detachment is knowing you can't control it yet still care about him.

you'll know detachment once you do actually detach.

I always thought when woman leave, they leave with their hearts.. when they say its over than its over.. just my opinion.

Hikeon

It's nice to see someone with enough faith in themselves to feel empowered by the thought of moving forward alone. Even if you're second guessing yourself to some degree.

Don't over think this, or seek out an emotional problem that matches the magnitude of what you are about to do.