JerseyGirl

My ABF is about 6 weeks sober. This after a recent relapse - before which he was almost 2 years sober.

Both when I first met him (pre-relapse) and again now, while abstaining 100% from alcohol, he continues to smoke pot several times a week. His claim is that pot is non-addictive, it helps take the edge off without him needing to drink, and he could not stay sober without it (or not easily).

As someone who has drank to the point of intoxication once in my life and has never so much as smoked a regular cigarette, I have a hard time wrapping my head around it. My initial reaction is he is just substituting one substance with another - although he can function one one and not on the other, so that could be a *plus*

But....he smokes this stuff, it makes me feel like not only is it a substitute, but that it is preventing him from dealing with issues 100%, he is tired a lot, and thinks he is functioning at a higher level than he really is.

But....I have also had a pretty naive and sheltered life up until meeting him when it comes to these things....so I would love to hear others' thoughts.

Thanks *hugs*

laurie6781

NO!

Love and hugs,

baileyboop

What laurie6781 said....

prodigal

Your reaction is exactly right.

Again, you are entirely correct. He is not dealing with issues. In particular, he is not actually dealing with being sober, is he? There's the element of denail thrown into the mix in the fact that he believes he is functioning at a level better than he actually is.

And as Laurie stated, NO, he is NOT in recovery.

embraced2000

short answer.....noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

Jadmack25

Repeat after me. The answer is NO, NO, NO.:

Freedom1990

As a recovering alcoholic/addict myself, I can't substitute one for the other, and in my opinion, that is exactly what he is doing.

My question is, what are you going to do for you?

You deserve so much better than that. :ghug

justanothrdrunk

I tried that. It's called the marijuana maintenance program. Didn't work for me. And I've never heard of anyone else who it worked for them either.

Marijuana, not addictive? That's ridiculous on so many levels, I don't even know where to begin.

mle-sober

No way.

JerseyGirl

Yeah, that is what I thought.....

When I first met him, months ago, he went on about how "AA is Ok with it" and his sponsor approves....and I new very very little about addiction at that point, so really did not speak up.

Then, he relapses, and I was there to help him pick up the pieces.....and those pieces were smashed. Now he is back to this same logic, but I am in a very different place, a bit more educated, a bit wiser, and I am going to have a very different discussion with him this time than the first time around.

Thanks for all the input.

mle-sober

Sorry. It would be nice if the "marijuana maintenance program" was part of true recovery. I'd love that. But one of the things I've had to accept with recovery is that numbing my emotions in any way is not true recovery. It's possible to not drink and not be in recovery. That's what they call a "dry drunk." Where you just put down the bottle but you never really get to the heart of why you were drinking in the first place.

My brother was a falling down gutter drunk. DUI, jail, beating up his girlfriend, etc. He quit 20 years ago. And we were all so utterly proud and amazed. But he just switched to smoking pot. And now, he isn't ending up in jail (although it's just for the grace of God) but he's barely able to keep a part-time janitor job and his emotions are all whacked out and he's always paranoid. He's not that much better off than he was. He's still never really uncovered his true self. Which is very much medicated by his pot use. And he defends vehemently and ardently. It's all that matters to him. Just like alcohol used to be.

Anyway, I feel for you.

All About Love

absolutely not!

appleblaster

Agreed with all of the above. Its just substituting one addiction for another. My exabf stayed sober this year only b/c of the SCRAM device strapped to his ankle. He convinced a doctor to prescribe him adderall. How do I know this is a problem? Because he consumes a 30 day supply in about 10-15 days. He fiends until the next time he can go back to the doctor.

Of course he has no desire to drink....he's speeding his a$$ off!!! Again, trading one addiction for another and in denial about the whole thing.

What am I doing about it all? Absolutely nothing. I'm not hanging around for this again. He's no fun anymore.

SerenityGirl

Noooooooo!!!!!!!!

j0hn0than1964

The answer is of course no, however an addict may and will tell you many reasons why this avenue is so much better than the one he/she is abstaining from. The concern here is the same for all "A's" the use of any drug is not for us, one always leads to the other and we always abuse any and all of the ones we either choose or get to use. I am sure he knows this is he has worked a program getting off the juice in the past. This is up to you if you want this in your life and yes you do have a choice. Using is using I am afraid and I would suspect similar behaviors are present on any of the drugs be it alcohol or the weed.

Be strong and do what is right for you,
JT