Osakis

The concept of powerlessness is so big in the 12 step program. I'm trying to get my head around what that means. If the alcoholic is indeed "powerless" over their compulsion to drink, how can we hold them responsible for their decision to do so? Surely in that case, every alcoholic should be locked up for their own protection.

When my brother was in treatment, during the family session, my mother questioned why he made the decision to go into a liquor store and buy a bottle, knowing full well he can't drink even a drop or he's off on a binge. His answer was (and continues to be), "I don't know." The counselor suggested that because of his "cunning, baffling, powerful preoccupation," the decision whether or not to proceed to drink was out of his hands by that point.

My question is, how can "powerless" not also mean "hopeless"?

GiveLove

I can only answer from my own perspective, as one who has had addictions of her own: When I first started a recovery program, I was powerless over my addiction. That's how I knew I needed to DO something. Dedicating my self to working a program gave me the tools I needed to gain that day-by-day, minute-by-minute strength that I needed to resist temptation.

If someone won't work a program at all, then (to me) it's like a diabetic not taking his insulin. They know they have to, they know that all hell will break loose if they don't, but they still have the choice.

My brother has a choice....but it's HIS choice. As long as that choice was rendered unnecessary by all of our family enabling, he never had to do anything. When we let him hit bottom, suddenly the choice to go into recovery was a lot more attractive.

Powerless, or not.

There is always hope, as long as they're alive. That doesn't mean that we turn our own lives inside out waiting for the good news to come. We go on with our life's work, tell them we love them (if we do), and hope they make the right choices for themselves.

ToughChoices

I think we are all powerless over our compulsions - we can't help but feel compelled to act in certain ways. Our history, insecurities, and different life paths create in us these feelings - that's part of what it means to be human! Still, we have great power in recognizing those compulsions and choosing to circumvent them if doing so is in our best interest.

Sometimes I feel a compulsion to eat an entire cheese pizza by myself and then run 10 miles to "work it off".
Really.
I used to deny that the compulsion was present - I was ashamed at the feeling.

Now I accept that it's okay to feel the compulsion, it's part of who I am (someone who has, in the past, used food and exercise as a means of exerting control). How I decide to deal with that compulsion is up to me.

I am powerless over my feelings, but I am powerful in my choices.
I think that the same is true of alcoholics (though the struggle is complicated and long).

People recover, Osakis.
It is not hopeless. It's just hard.

-TC

Sugah

Hopelessness led me to the admission of powerlessness and the unmanageability of my life. It's only in that condition, in admitting defeat, that I could turn to a power greater than myself in order to stay away from the first drink. So long as I insisted that I had control, I continued to prove over and over that I did not.

So, the admission of powerlessness is the first step in the return to hope. That help?

Peace & Love,
Sugah

justaboutus

To me it means my husband is powerless on his own. Only with the help of his HP and treatment will he get better. Only with his HP is there hope.

123bubblegum123

I have found that I'm truly powerless over everything, except myself. The program really has helped me realize i cannot control other people's thoughts, reactions, or anything really - only my own!

Osakis

Thanks for the responses. I'm just trying to gain some perspective that will help me know how to respond to my brother. I am a comfort eater; I know what I have to do to sustain a healthy weight, yet I often find myself in the drive-thru lane. It wouldn't be true for me to say I was powerless to stop myself from eating junk food; the fact is that I choose to be there. On the other hand, someone with Tourette's syndrome makes noises and movements because they have an overpowering compulsion to do so. Because of their neurological disorder, their "choice" is effectively taken away from them.

I'm trying to figure out where my brother is on this spectrum. I want to be compassionate because he has a disease, but not tolerant of his decision to keep drinking if in fact he is physically/emotionally/psychologically able to make a different decision (e.g., to call his sponsor).

jjwc

I am powerless over my feelings, but I am powerful in my choices

LOVE IT! It is so true! That just sent the idea of powerlessness in my own recovery(ies) to a whole new level. Talk about a paradigm shift for me!

When it was asked how can that not mean hopeless, I kind of agreed. Then I though about my own struggle with binge eating when I was younger and how I would lay in bed after a binge thinking how tomorrow would be different. I would do x, y, and z, and it would be different. It never was. My feelings took over the next night (and still do sometimes, just with different things now), and it was all over. I never admitted I was powerless. I thought the answer was within me. I could control it. I know much differently now. Thank you for that to the point message about power in choice. I needed that today.

denny57

Education on the physiological aspects of addiction helped me enormously. "Under the Influence" is a good start.

Barbara52

How about thinking about it as an addict is powerless over the effects of a substance but is not powerless over their seeking of that substance?

mle-sober

I think that's exactly right.

When I realized I was truly an alcoholic and I surrendered to the idea that I could not control my behavior once I started drinking, I was admitting that I was powerless over alcohol.

So, I quit drinking. And in that action, I took responsiblity. But I didn't take back my power. I have to constantly be vigilent of the fact that alcohol will kick my a$$ each and every time I put it to my lips.

And like others said, I needed to arm myself with tools to help me resist that first drink - rehab, AA, my sponsor, SR, and a whole boat-load of mind "tricks." Doing all of these things was and is completely within my power. And they all help me fight that first drink.

But once I take the first, drink, I'm doomed. That's the part I didn't get for so long.

Recognizing that alcoholism is a disease and that the alcoholic is "powerless" over his disease does not give them a free pass to capitulate to their addiction. And I think that's frequently misunderstood. The fact that they're powerless is something they have to understand in order to stay clear of getting their a$$es kicked again and again. If they just keep wandering back for a beating, that's not because they're powerless. That's because they have not found sufficent willpower and internal strength to seek out help and arm themselves. For whatever reason. And there are many and varied reasons for that. But it's not because they're powerless.

That's how I see it.

laurie6781

I guess because of where my alcoholism took me I didn't have to much trouble with this part of Step 1.

Real simple. I have a CHOICE to pick up that first drink or not. HOWEVER, if the choice is to pick up that drink, I then AM POWERLESS as the alcohol takes over and the phenomenon of craving sets in one more time. I am powerless over alcohol.

I am also powerless over any other person but me. I have no control whatsoever over others. The only person I can change is me.

Hope that helps.

Love and hugs,

JerseyGirl

I have had a hard time wrapping my head around this concept as well....thank you for posting this, it was very helpful

embraced2000

for me, powerless meant that i had to accept that i was not God-like, that he had not chosen to give me the power to fix everything and that i had to surrender to his will.

addiction is powerful. more powerful than i ever imagined. my life had become powerless over the effect of alcoholism because of i'ts depth, bredth, and scope. it's big. it's huge. it's not like a pile of laundry of 6 months that you can tackle and work through.

hopeful had to happen from afar. i had to leave the situation but i still remain hopeful for all the addicts out there. they just don't have to affect my life in doing so.