Weekend Hindsight
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 14
Weekend Hindsight
So I had a really down weekend, until a startling to me thought popped into my head. BTW it's been almost two weeks now since hte break-up, and I'm much better the majority of the time. Anyway, I realized that I wanted the relationship more than he ever did. I was the one to try and mend all our fights and I ended up conceding on a lot of issues that I never thought I would. Before he went ot Iraq, I never wanted to raise issues with him because I thought I'd lose him....After a 7 month separation, I found that there were some things I wouldn't tolerate any longer and I think this was the downfall of the illusion for us. So, to be therapeutic for me and hopefully helpful for others who may be going through the same thing, I've listed the aha moments throughout our relationship that it took me two years! to identify and finally do something about.
When he asks to call at the beginning of courteship, then doesn't and says it's because he and his brother fell into the bottle for the evening....clue #1
When he cures his colds with several bottles of Jim Beam...clue #2
When he cancels on coming over for the evening at 7 PM because it's too late....clue #3
When he drops of the planet for 3 days and finds no reason why this should be a problem....clue #4
When he continuosly shows up with vodka on his breath....BIG clue #5
When he takes you to a friend's anniversary dinner plowed out of his mind and still offers to drive home....HUGE clue #6
When he stops staying over after intimate relations because he needs to take care of the cats?....clue #7 (think he meant night cap)
When he agrees to go to counseling and cancels....
When he agrees to go to AA and cancels......
When he makes plans and then says an hour before you're supposed to leave he's feeling "sick" and cancels......
Huge Clues # 8 9 10
When he won't grow up and face the reality of having to make plans in order to maintain and further a relationship....why was I not seeing the clues at this point? Not to mention the cranky moods and always pointing to my own failures as a girlfriend as a source of contention.
It goes back to me wanting the relationship more than he ever did. This gave me some peace of mind to know that part of my tie to him was my own sense of desparation at getting older and having no one in my life. That's not a mistake I plan to make again.
Don't know if any of this will help anyone else, but almost two weeks with no contact has enabled me to focus on what is/was without the "But I love him and he loves me" feelings clouding my judgement. I still do love him, very much, and I miss him like crazy, but I believe there are better options out there for me.
Thank you SR friends......
When he asks to call at the beginning of courteship, then doesn't and says it's because he and his brother fell into the bottle for the evening....clue #1
When he cures his colds with several bottles of Jim Beam...clue #2
When he cancels on coming over for the evening at 7 PM because it's too late....clue #3
When he drops of the planet for 3 days and finds no reason why this should be a problem....clue #4
When he continuosly shows up with vodka on his breath....BIG clue #5
When he takes you to a friend's anniversary dinner plowed out of his mind and still offers to drive home....HUGE clue #6
When he stops staying over after intimate relations because he needs to take care of the cats?....clue #7 (think he meant night cap)
When he agrees to go to counseling and cancels....
When he agrees to go to AA and cancels......
When he makes plans and then says an hour before you're supposed to leave he's feeling "sick" and cancels......
Huge Clues # 8 9 10
When he won't grow up and face the reality of having to make plans in order to maintain and further a relationship....why was I not seeing the clues at this point? Not to mention the cranky moods and always pointing to my own failures as a girlfriend as a source of contention.
It goes back to me wanting the relationship more than he ever did. This gave me some peace of mind to know that part of my tie to him was my own sense of desparation at getting older and having no one in my life. That's not a mistake I plan to make again.
Don't know if any of this will help anyone else, but almost two weeks with no contact has enabled me to focus on what is/was without the "But I love him and he loves me" feelings clouding my judgement. I still do love him, very much, and I miss him like crazy, but I believe there are better options out there for me.
Thank you SR friends......
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