Update~~~AH's reply about our situation....long....
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern KY
Posts: 168
Update~~~AH's reply about our situation....long....
I posted a couple of days ago that I told AH what I thought about our situation.
After that, for two days, he didn't speak to me. Maybe 10 words in 2 days. On day 3 I asked if he were mad at me?
When I got home from work that was an affirmative YES, he announced that he'd drank 12 beers before I got home from work. After that I was told that I'm reading to much into things, he then proceded to tell me that there was nothing wrong with him drinking and he's not going to quit. Then he began comparing his drinking to anything available. He pretty much said since he deals with me having my two small housedogs that I should deal w/ his drinking. After all he goes to work, pays the bills, helps with the kids and even cuts firewood. That I won't let things go and he won't continue to pay for things he's done in the past. (for him the past can be anywhere from last month to 10 years ago) I have problems letting go of the past when he does the same ridiculous drinking binges, when he continues to not only emberass me but also his children. To me, everytime he drinks I always expect the same behaviors I've experienced in the past.
He told me that if he's not drinking I'll argue back with him, but if drinks so much as one beer that I close up and will not argue. He's right, I won't because I always, always expect the yelling, screaming, insults, hurtful, spiteful words threw in with some pushing and shoving. Sorry, but to me AH's drinking equates to that. It's what I expect.
He was upset because I didn't speak to him sooner, but the incident that brought me to my boiling point happened a week before I said something.
He told me he can't continue living like this, brought up all the times I've left(all because of drinking) and if I can't accept him as he is then I need to leave. He loves me but won't live with me continuing to view him as an alcoholic.
Mind you he said all of this with his 12 beers in him, while my kids were home with him.
I won't make big moving decisions before Christmas or divorce announcements, but afterwards it feels like only recourse I have left. He did ask me last night when I wanted to file! Merry Christmas to me..........
I didn't expect anything else really, I suppose I was just hoping. When he's not drinking he's great, but when he drinks he's someone else. The old Jekyl/Hyde persona.
After that, for two days, he didn't speak to me. Maybe 10 words in 2 days. On day 3 I asked if he were mad at me?
When I got home from work that was an affirmative YES, he announced that he'd drank 12 beers before I got home from work. After that I was told that I'm reading to much into things, he then proceded to tell me that there was nothing wrong with him drinking and he's not going to quit. Then he began comparing his drinking to anything available. He pretty much said since he deals with me having my two small housedogs that I should deal w/ his drinking. After all he goes to work, pays the bills, helps with the kids and even cuts firewood. That I won't let things go and he won't continue to pay for things he's done in the past. (for him the past can be anywhere from last month to 10 years ago) I have problems letting go of the past when he does the same ridiculous drinking binges, when he continues to not only emberass me but also his children. To me, everytime he drinks I always expect the same behaviors I've experienced in the past.
He told me that if he's not drinking I'll argue back with him, but if drinks so much as one beer that I close up and will not argue. He's right, I won't because I always, always expect the yelling, screaming, insults, hurtful, spiteful words threw in with some pushing and shoving. Sorry, but to me AH's drinking equates to that. It's what I expect.
He was upset because I didn't speak to him sooner, but the incident that brought me to my boiling point happened a week before I said something.
He told me he can't continue living like this, brought up all the times I've left(all because of drinking) and if I can't accept him as he is then I need to leave. He loves me but won't live with me continuing to view him as an alcoholic.
Mind you he said all of this with his 12 beers in him, while my kids were home with him.
I won't make big moving decisions before Christmas or divorce announcements, but afterwards it feels like only recourse I have left. He did ask me last night when I wanted to file! Merry Christmas to me..........
I didn't expect anything else really, I suppose I was just hoping. When he's not drinking he's great, but when he drinks he's someone else. The old Jekyl/Hyde persona.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
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He's being honest. He doesn't see his drinking as a problem and has no intention of even trying to change that. (sounds like my xAH)
So you get to decide what you are wiling to do, what you want to do and when to do it. {hugs} With time you can make your life better whatever path you decide is right for you and your children.
So you get to decide what you are wiling to do, what you want to do and when to do it. {hugs} With time you can make your life better whatever path you decide is right for you and your children.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
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Originally Posted by inahaze 
He told me that if he's not drinking I'll argue back with him, but if drinks so much as one beer that I close up and will not argue. He's right, I won't because I always, always expect the yelling, screaming, insults, hurtful, spiteful words threw in with some pushing and shoving. Sorry, but to me AH's drinking equates to that. It's what I expect.
Pushing and shoving, along with the other behaviors he exhibits, may very well escalate as his alcoholism progresses. I ended up with a black eye. I ended up being literally dragged by my hair across our entryway and thrown down our front steps.
He may never go beyond the pushing and shoving stage, but do you want to continue living like this?
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
It helps me if in my head I turn the person into a personification, an incarnation of what's really in charge:
his Addiction announced it was mad at you, his Addiction announced it was working hard to pay the bills and so should be able to drink as much as it pleases, his Addiction announced it is no longer going to continue living this way with the problems you're giving it, and his Addiction gave you an ultimatum: live with it or move out.
so now you have to decide what you will do, sweetie. get good advice from people who understand addicts, make a plan, and get to a point where you can finally accept that his Addiction is more powerful than you are, and it is what is running your life.
his Addiction announced it was mad at you, his Addiction announced it was working hard to pay the bills and so should be able to drink as much as it pleases, his Addiction announced it is no longer going to continue living this way with the problems you're giving it, and his Addiction gave you an ultimatum: live with it or move out.
so now you have to decide what you will do, sweetie. get good advice from people who understand addicts, make a plan, and get to a point where you can finally accept that his Addiction is more powerful than you are, and it is what is running your life.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern KY
Posts: 168
Hmm, I hadn't thought about looking at it as his addiction talking vs the actual person.
It's just so hard to let go of what you were shown at one point. I was so very much in love with the person that I met. He was thoughtful, caring and yet we were still able to have fun together, yes it included drinking. However at that point it was still social fun, only for parties and get togethers.
The person I see how is good most of the time, with the occassional drunken state, maybe 2-4x's a month. Inbetween he'll drink some, stopping before he gets to much buzz.
It's just pure craziness. Good for awhile, then he'll throw in the drinking.
You see enough to keep you happy, content and hopeful.
It's just so hard to let go of what you were shown at one point. I was so very much in love with the person that I met. He was thoughtful, caring and yet we were still able to have fun together, yes it included drinking. However at that point it was still social fun, only for parties and get togethers.
The person I see how is good most of the time, with the occassional drunken state, maybe 2-4x's a month. Inbetween he'll drink some, stopping before he gets to much buzz.
It's just pure craziness. Good for awhile, then he'll throw in the drinking.
You see enough to keep you happy, content and hopeful.
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
We all remember the person that they were.....remember alcoholism is progressive and you will see the old him less and less. His addiction is speaking to you and you need to listen to it to. He has made his choice BUT.......you have choices too - and a better life without alcohol if you want it.
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