whiplash

Hi all,

So after nearly 6 months of wonderful sobriety, my alcoholic husband wants to start drinking again. He's talking about it all the time and talking about how AA just "doesn't feel right" to him anymore. (Of course it doesn't feel right -- it's preventing him from being a drunk!)

Anyway, for years I was really good at being detached from his drinking. When he decided to quit and get help it was on his own and I was supportive and still deatched. Now I'm losing it at the thought that he may/will go back to drinking. I can't go back to living that life that we led for so many years. I've told him as much. Of course, that won't have any bearing on what he decides to do.

I guess mainly I'm just angry that he can do this and it's like we have gone back in time. So does this ever end? How do I detach now? How can you live with someone who's on this constant roller-coaster that might derail at any moment? It's driving me nuts.

Thanks for listening.

W

midknight

Whiplash,

I'm pretty new in my journey too and also struggling with how I'm going to leave if my GF/A doesn't take her alcoholism and sexual integrity (flirting) problems seriously .

I had an apiffany (ap?) the other day that I've been conditioned to think/feel that the chaos is love! I've dated girls that we got along great! No fights/problems what so ever but they didn't tickle my heart they didn't give me that needy feeling that I thought was love....Ahhhh ding! I should of stayed with them but I didn't and I'm here and I do love my GF/A very much. When we're good we're really good. I'm giving her some more time but the countdown has started.

All I can say is choose what's best for you, it's not being selfish, it's taking care of you, you need to take care of you more and if you're not looking out for your best interest who is?

My GF stopped drinking during the week and said she would only have 2 drinks max at any occation. Friday night at dinner with friends she did good and only had 2, and she claims she doesn't have a problem with alcohol and I almost started beleiving her though Sat. at home I noticed she had 4-5 Martini's/Cosmos. I didn't say a thing, bit my tongue, at least we didn't fight this time. We have horrible fights when she's only had a few (like 3).

Mine will be financially/emotionally hard, it's going to be really hard on my GF and her 2 kids but I can't martyr myself for them....
I have suffered so long through so many bad relationships I think I've paid back 2 lifetimes of karmatic debt. We both deserve GOOD relationships!

Stay strong whether you stay or go,

John

NoDoubt

The thought of a relapse is frightening! My husband is also in recovery (4 months now).

I don't know what I'd do if he told me that AA wasn't working for him and that he was thinking of drinking again. Well, actually I know what I'd do. I'd cry!

Here I am feeling great in my recovery but realize that it really hinges on his recovery. Silly I guess but it's the truth. I wasn't doing nearly this well when he was drinking.

Have you told him how you feel? He probably knows but it may be a good idea to talk about it. Tell him that it is scaring you to think that you might lose this man that has come back to you (sober). My husband now knows that I when he was drinking I actually didn't mind when he was not home and that I hated weekends when he was home drinking (hiding it) for 2 straight days.

If AA isn't working maybe he could try therapy of some type.

You are in my thoughts.

NoDoubt

antreeta

My hubby will have 2 years sobriety next month. He does AA 3-4 times a week. He knows he needs it.
2 nights ago, was the first time I ever thought about him relapsing. I had a dream that I went to kiss him good night and he reeked of alcohol and his face was much older and sunken in and he had ratted long white hair (like Einstein's) (He is balding).
So I guess, it worries me when I don't even realize it. I don't know what I would do if he started back. The One day at a time slogan seems to apply really well here for me.
Sometimes I think he needs more meetings or maybe I need more meetings.
But then mine has an active gambling addiction that he is deciding he might need to do something about.

whiplash

Thanks for the replies! It really helps to know that other people go through this.

No Dobt, I did cray. And I told him very honestly exactly how I felt and what I would do if he starts drinking again. So now he knows. I told him it wasn't a threat, but that I would have to leave because I've seen how good life can be now and I'm not going to stand for less!

The trouble is, I find myself obsessing now. Is he going to meetings? Reading his book? Does he really mean it?

And then I think, like antreeta says, it all hinges on his sobriety, which makes me really mad again. Before, it was all about his drinking. And now, he can ruin it all with one decision. Ugh. I really need to figure out if I can live on such uncertain terms.

Is it true that a lot of relationships end during the first year of sobriety? I thought that was nuts when I heard it, but I'm starting to understand a little bit.

John, you are right, we desreve good things. I hope your situation improves.