Wandering in the wilderness.......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Wandering in the wilderness.......
Hi folks,
I am feeling a bit under the weather this week, I have a cold and feel so yucky. I am also feeling yucky because I paid my bills this morning while I was home from work. There is never enough money and I had to take some more money out of savings just to get us by. I don't know how to deal with the financial issues with being married to an alcoholic. He is still at home and not working and we keep falling behind. I just don't know what to do. I am always feeling guilty about not having enough money. And soon enough we will run out of money. I don't want to make it seem like it is all my husband's fault - I was running out of money when I was single too. You see I make financial decisions based on emotions - do I want something? will it make me feel like I have some control? - will it make someone else happy? So how do I ever move forward? I want to be more responsible. I want to make the right choices. I just don't know how to manage. Any suggestions about how to manage emotional spending?
I am feeling a bit under the weather this week, I have a cold and feel so yucky. I am also feeling yucky because I paid my bills this morning while I was home from work. There is never enough money and I had to take some more money out of savings just to get us by. I don't know how to deal with the financial issues with being married to an alcoholic. He is still at home and not working and we keep falling behind. I just don't know what to do. I am always feeling guilty about not having enough money. And soon enough we will run out of money. I don't want to make it seem like it is all my husband's fault - I was running out of money when I was single too. You see I make financial decisions based on emotions - do I want something? will it make me feel like I have some control? - will it make someone else happy? So how do I ever move forward? I want to be more responsible. I want to make the right choices. I just don't know how to manage. Any suggestions about how to manage emotional spending?
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
Wants vs Needs
Rose, great question! I have improved, but still need much improvement in this area. The Big Book says:
We are taught to differentiate between our wants (which are never satisfied) and our needs (which are always provided for)
Simple and straight to the point!
Tom
We are taught to differentiate between our wants (which are never satisfied) and our needs (which are always provided for)
Simple and straight to the point!
Tom
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Rose
I hope your cold is better soon - nothing's worse than a summer cold.
Rose, is it possible to make a budget and to budget in some money just for your own emotional needs? I know that sometimes the only thing that will make me happy is to go out and spend some money, but I have learned that when I am shopping impulsively like that to shop in bookstores or places where I don't need to spend much money. A pocket novel, some new bath bubblies or a new CD are not too expensive and can perk me back up.
I know your husband doesn't work, but might he qualify for some disability? I'm sorry I can't remember if you answered that one before.
I'm sending chicken soup and hugs and hope you feel better soon.
Hugs
Ann
I hope your cold is better soon - nothing's worse than a summer cold.
Rose, is it possible to make a budget and to budget in some money just for your own emotional needs? I know that sometimes the only thing that will make me happy is to go out and spend some money, but I have learned that when I am shopping impulsively like that to shop in bookstores or places where I don't need to spend much money. A pocket novel, some new bath bubblies or a new CD are not too expensive and can perk me back up.
I know your husband doesn't work, but might he qualify for some disability? I'm sorry I can't remember if you answered that one before.
I'm sending chicken soup and hugs and hope you feel better soon.
Hugs
Ann
Paused
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: ohio
Posts: 322
Hi Rose
I know how it is, sometimes I shop when I dont realy need anything but read something thoughtful in I believe it was courage to change. It talked about having an illusion of emptiness that we must fill , for one it might be shopping, for another eating, this emptiness is a spiritual hole that can be filled by our HP. I spend alot of time in thought about my character defects and less time with my HP I'm ashamed to admit that sometimes he is the last one I call on.
whew!!I ran and got the book pg.208 July26th. it ends with
.."human beings by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their minds"-theres hope !
Feel better Rose
hugs
liddy
I know how it is, sometimes I shop when I dont realy need anything but read something thoughtful in I believe it was courage to change. It talked about having an illusion of emptiness that we must fill , for one it might be shopping, for another eating, this emptiness is a spiritual hole that can be filled by our HP. I spend alot of time in thought about my character defects and less time with my HP I'm ashamed to admit that sometimes he is the last one I call on.
whew!!I ran and got the book pg.208 July26th. it ends with
.."human beings by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their minds"-theres hope !
Feel better Rose
hugs
liddy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Thanks for your thoughts. I have always struggled with a budget, because there is not enough money to pay for everything. So even in my budget I am in the red. But I like the idea of budgeting money to spend for myself. This will relieve some of the guilt of spending the money while at the same time possibly reducing the amount of money I spend. I know we could do more to help meet our income.
Anns, hubby doesn't qualify for disability. I got a taste of what it is like to stay home with an open schedule. Too much time for me to think and my thoughts did not go on a pleasant ride. I know he suffers with tremendous guilt and feelings of hopelessness. He tells me that he feels that at any time the shoe will drop and I will ask him to leave and then what will he do. I do feel compassion for him and hope he can find his way out.
In the mean time I need to focus on me and the budget is my latest project. I also need to find more ways to add fun into each day. I am so over responsible that fun is often last on the list. Thanks for listening.
Anns, hubby doesn't qualify for disability. I got a taste of what it is like to stay home with an open schedule. Too much time for me to think and my thoughts did not go on a pleasant ride. I know he suffers with tremendous guilt and feelings of hopelessness. He tells me that he feels that at any time the shoe will drop and I will ask him to leave and then what will he do. I do feel compassion for him and hope he can find his way out.
In the mean time I need to focus on me and the budget is my latest project. I also need to find more ways to add fun into each day. I am so over responsible that fun is often last on the list. Thanks for listening.
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