justaboutus

STBXAH lost his part time job... due to poor performance. He claims their expectations were too high. I'm pissed because that means things will be tight AGAIN this Christmas, but I know I can't do anything about it and blow it off.

He was very reclusive this weekend. There were tons of friends and family over and he sat in a corner on his computer... hardly talked to anyone... even ate alone. I ignored him the entire time (actually, we all did). No problem.

Our anniversary has rolled around and he sends me FLOWERS. Anyone who knows me knows I'm not the kind of person you send flowers to. Chocolates, yes! Flowers, no! #2, I'M the one paying for them. He's not working. He's using my own money to send me flowers!! #3, this is a SHAM OF A MARRIAGE, I've been unhappy for TWO YEARS, and he knows it.

And yet still, I want to see this as the beginning of him changing. I want to say "oh look! He's trying!" When I really think about it, I realize... he's still drinking, he still has his online girlfriend, he still doesn't have a job, he still is a complete a$$, etc, etc. He's not CHANGING, he's just playing me.

Everyone at work is wondering why I'm so pissed off because I got flowers.

Barbara52

So he's not changing. What do you want to do? What are you going to change?

denny57

I finally realized I'd have to change myself. Why expect it of someone else if I wasn't willing to do it? No one can play me if I take myself out of the game.

Sorry you're going through this.

justaboutus

Oh, I'm taking myself out of the game... it just takes SO LONG to get the paperwork through. I got married in 15 min and it takes 6 months to get a divorce. Geez.

I ripped him a new one, just because I wanted to vent, and now I'm getting the "I can change" speech. I told him I'd believe it when I see it. Until then... steady as she goes. It just helps to write the facts out when I'm doubting myself. For some reason seeing it in print snaps me out of it.

FormerDoormat

The smartest move I ever made: NOT getting married.

prodigal

Justabout, it sounds as if you are getting your head in the right place to walk away from this trainwreck.

I gotta be honest with ya ... an online girlfriend would be a deal-breaker for me in a New York minute. I can ignore a lot, but THAT is a boundary line that would have me packing my bags, or kicking his butt out the door.

blessed4x

((((justaboutus)))).....If I remember correctly you are enduring all of this at your attorney's advice and to protect your kid(s) in the long run? Someday soon you will see the benefits of patience. Until then keep on keepin' on!

justaboutus

Yes, Blessed, that's the deal. AH took care of our daughter for the first year of her life (before I realized the drinking). So, I've been documenting me as the better parent for the past 3 months. Now, I'm working on getting AH to want a divorce, right now he would contest the divorce, and that would be expensive. We're living in different homes now, so that's at least better.

Last night the SOB said he was going to bed early (after I had asked if he was drinking, he denied it). This morning I logged on and found where he had sent drunk emails to his girlfriend. LIAR!!! I'm SO going to kick his A$$ in court!!