veryrestless722

ill try to make this short but im still so mad that ill end up writing a book

basically today i went to my doctor, my blood pressure was up, my doctor is hospital happy and sent me to be admitted to the hospital to be monitered, well i was alone, no way to get in touch with my mom, only my dad but hes over an hour away, he has no way of getting in touch with my mom cause he has the phone, im flipping out crying on the phone with my dad, cause the doc said if my blood pressure doesnt come down then they will take the baby now instead of in a couple weeks, so i give my dad my myspace info and he sends a message to my mom at home, well basically im just scared and upset because im by myself

well as im laying there i get the bright idea to send a text message to my XAH, cause im hurt that im going through all this alone, so i basically just say i hate you for everything youve done to me, he calls and i dont answer, he leaves a message saying he lost my number (bullsh*t) so i sent a message back and said just leave me alone i just wanted you to know how i felt, he writes back and says "godda*nit leann ive been trying to get in touch with you, i love you" (more bullsh*t) so i finally answer the phone and hes like well you havnet let me be there, i said you with another woman and you dont get why i wont let you around me, i said how can you be with another woman and say you love me, hes like oh well i just meant that i care about how you feel (i have a feeling the OW was there) then he keeps asking where i am, im like dont worry about it, i said , why havnet you sent me any money, hes like i havent had any (BULL) i finally just hung up on him

my friend later called him, and he mades excuses saying he wants to be there for the baby i wont let him, that he loves me but im too DIFFUCULT to live with, oh yes im so bad and horrible cause you dont get to drink yourself to death and my son comes first and you cant drink around him when hes here, yes im diffucult that way, she asked him about the OW he said well i dont know whats going on with me and her, i love leann but i cant deal with her, and i told her i needed time (going on 7 months now) and communication and shes diffucult to talk to (yeah i dont want to deal with your crap, man am i so diffucult for that) and he asked her to get me to call him so "we" could talk

so i call him and hes rude, like what do you want, im like i was told to call you, hes like oh, then he tries to find out where i am again, hes like i know your still in florida , i said dont worry about it, hes like what are you doing, i said i spent the day at the hospital i just got home, hes like oh yeah why, i told him i wasnt discussing anything to do with me with him, AND THE IDIOT DROPPED IT, not one single question about the baby, or if something is wrong with the baby, no questions if im doing ok with the pregnancy , NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!!

he starts talking about him gaining weight, i dont care how much he weighs or how much he eats, so then hes like well my jaw hurts, im like really why :chatter hes like i went to a bar last night and this big guy got smart with my buddy and i whipped his a** , im thinking wow i am so proud NOT!, so im like what do u expect to happen with us talking, hes like i dont know, i want to help with the baby (BULL) hes like you dont come see me, now the last time i talked to him , i couldnt come over because of his girlfriends schedule, thats why i cut contact then , but he blamed me saying well you wouldnt come over while she was here UH YEAH WHY SHOULD I COME OVER WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND, he is living in a dream world, and this whole time hes got music blasting, i told him i couldnt hear him, and hes like well its maroon 5, oh well excuse me then (IDIOT) he finally turned it down and got mad cause he had to, i told him i wasnt letting my child be around another woman, and was about to say "or a drunk that cares only about hisself" but he hung up on me, i sent a message and said you just made your own bed, now lie in it

hes not living in reality , everything is my fault, i dont believe he will get a lawyer to get visitation, cause he dont care, his excuse is i wont let him so theres nothing he can do, he dont have any money to send me but hes going out to bars, well i know drinks in a bar are not cheap, but he dont have money for the baby:wtf2 all he wanted to talk about was going to a da*n bar, i heard the word bar a million times

i dont care what someone says about an alcoholic, i dont believe alcohol can make you not want your own child, not every alcoholic leaves their child, i am so tired of alcohol running my life AND I DONT DRINK , first my grandfather my whole life, then my Xah , im sick of it, hurt me but your not gonna hurt my child and thats all he will ever do, i could have already had the baby and he didnt even ask, thats pathetic

i get the whole co-dependancy thing, im working on those problems with my self, but this just aint right, this man is out of his mind, i think hes also on drugs now but i have no proof and i dont really care anymore, there is not even a shadow of the man i married, i dont ever want this man around me or my son EVER , hes not getting away with blaming alcohol for his problems and he sure aint blaming me cause i dont care, if that gets him through the day by blaming me then so be it, i do not care, he will have to get a court order to see my son, but do i think that will happen NO he dont care, if he helped with his son then he wouldnt be able to go to the BAR

this is not an alcoholic this is just a pure a**hole, idiot,dumba**, worthless man
this is the best wake up call for me, i hope he rots in he**

sorry its so long, even my family has told me im snapping, as they say i should, they are glad im finally to this point and mad! i let people hurt me but when you hurt my family i flip out and hes hurting my son and he aint even born yet , and the kicker is something is potentially wrong with my son, something with one of his kidneys, i wont know for sure til after hes born, my X doesnt know nor does he ask, to me thats as low as you can go

im sorry ill ramble all night about this if i dont stop now, i cant believe i was so stupid to have ever married this man all i want now is a divorce

baileyboop

Oh...I'm sooooo sorry you are hurting like this. You have so many changes coming into your life. I hope your Mom or Dad will get to the hospital to be with you..Or do you have any friends in that area? Any at all that could be there with you?

Be careful. With your bloodpressure and all already acting up, you really need to think some calm thoughts as much as possible for the baby. If there is any place you could imagine in your mind that would be calming..close your eyes and go there in your mind. Put some soothing music on...take a bubble bath.....ect..you know where I'm going with this. ; ) You are on the last stretch of this race to have this baby without too much incident, and I believe you can win it. Sending you a warm hug and prayers for you and the baby. Take care...

veryrestless722

My dad is gonna be in the room with me for my c-section , my mom cant stand blood lol, yesterday was a surprise i thought i would just go for my regular doctor and come home, so i told my mom to just stay home, so thats why i didnt have a way to get in touch with her, but she usually goes with me to the doctor but i figured all he would do is check the heartbeat and id be done, should i known it would end up that way

im just tired of dealing with alcohol, i just cant wrap my mind around the fact that "alcohol" can make you act this way, i dont get how you can not want your own child, seriously how can a drink cause you to not want to your own kid, fine you dont want me , whatever i dont give a da*n about that anymore , i mean that makes you sorry for how you did me but to not want your own child is just as low as you can get

i dont understand alcoholism and i probably never will, because it just seems impossible to me that someone would put alcohol before a child that they have always talked about wanting , i simply dont know what to say about it anymore, im just tired of it all, i just want him completely out of my life, i really dont have the energy for his crap anymore or trying to figure him out, i mean he can blame me all he wants , thats just getting old and no one but him believes it and his friends , its just exhausting to deal with an alcoholic and i just cant do it anymore

im calmer today , but i will forever protect my son from him, i thought he might try to be there for my son but yesterday really proved to me the person he is

thanks for your reply i just really need support right now

justaboutus

C-section is no big deal. You're in, you're out, they give great drugs, you don't miss any sleep, and you don't break a sweat. It's the way to go IMHO.

Focus on you and your son. Ignore the dumba*s. He'll only cause you pain. You need people to lean on right now and he's not dependable enough. Really think about it. Do you want to be in the hospital with a smile on your face, focusing on your son, or do you want dumba*s there pissing you off?

Wishing you (both) well...

Stubborn1

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have three children with my alcholic and no they do not grow up (mine didn't anyway) They don't have the gift of feeling the child inside them and I personally believe you have a special bond right there that ties us to our children.
I always said said I regret who I picked for my childrens father because it is not their fault.
You will have MANY precious memories that he will never have. Sometimes a child can be just fine with one parent and no chaos. If he hasn't stepped up to the plate then he probably never will. I agree that he could have found you if he wanted to.
Stay safe and enjoy this time. It should be a wonderful joyous time. You can not get back these days. They are priceless. (((HUGS)))

veryrestless722

justaboutus-- im not so worried about the c-section its more the needles they will be sticking in me lol, im glad to by pass the contractions, and hes breech so theres no way im pushing out a baby feet first lol and its the unknown as this is my first child, and the few times ive been hurt or upset about things in my life i always ran to my Xah which is why its diffucult but im to the point i dont want him there, i would rather my dad be there for me

stubborn1--- i know what you mean about regretting the father, but on one hand i cant because my son wouldnt be who he is without those "bad genes" , but then i think how stupid could i have been to have a child with this man and bring my child into this world now without a father because i chose to be with him, but i cant regret it because i dont regret my child, regardless of his idiot sperm donor, this is the hand ive been dealt , now that i completely realize what my Xah is im actually more calm about goign through all this alone and im anxious to see what the future holds, i dont want alcohol holding me down anymore, thats his problem not mine

i would choose my child over any kind of "fun" so i dont get him, but my sister is the same way, she looks at her kids as burdens and she cant do what she wants because of them, and i look at my child as a gift that will only add to my life, not take away, and my neices feel that they are burdens to my sister, and i dont want my child to feel that way because of his sperm donor, i know 100% that i cant let my X around my child, blood a father does not make,

it is just completely sad to me, i know what he will be missing and what he can never get back, and it does break my heart because the day will come that he realizes all of it, even if its on his death bed, and it will be too late

it just completely blows my mind, im not in denial but i just cant believe someone would want to miss hearing that first cry, seeing that first smile, coming home and the child running to you like your just the best thing since sliced bread, i would rather kill myself than miss out on those moments, this child means more to me than anything i dont understand how people are so damn stupid:wtf2

i think alcoholism is just about the saddest disease there is, because really theres no cure, very few people get sober and stay that way

thanks for your replies, i feel like ive been on a roller coaster that i just got off of and havent found my balance yet

felicidade

You are an amazing powerful person and will be an incredible mother.

I loved havng my children (also c-sections) and wish I'd been more like you - focusing on my experience - than on him (didn't take us home from hospital, etc.)

veryrestless722

thanks felicidade i appreciate it

i am getting very nervous, but nothing about my X, i just cant imagine laying on that table with them slicing me open, i think im gonna have nightmares before its all over

how long did it take you to recover from your c-sections?

Chrysalis123

I had one c-section and one vaginal birth and the c-section was far easier. as for the needle part, the nurse that gave me the IV numbed up my hand first and when she inserted the IV it felt like a minor pinch...no big deal and i didn't watch. I had an epidural too, and I could not feel much of that either. I do remember not being able to laugh very hard for awhile afterward the C-section, but it really was so much easier on me than the vaginal birth!

FormerDoormat

My life is a reflection of the choices I make. When I chose to interact with my ex boyfriend I was intentionally choosing to invite drama, chaos, and negative energy into my life.

In order to find peace and happiness and restore my sanity, it was important for me to figure out why I intentionally chose misery over happiness. Just as alcoholics invite misery into their lives by choosing to take that first drink, codependents invite misery into their lives by choosing to pick up the phone.

A big part of my recovery was figuring why I sabotaged my happiness and then blamed my boyfriend for my choices.

prodigal

restless, I hope you are feeling calmer today. Allowing this man to get you so upset can't be helping your blood pressure problem. I was very angry at myself for a long time for picking the loser I married. I mean, what the heck was I thinking marrying this clown?

It took a long time, but I finally vented my anger to the point that I didn't care about him. In fact, it isn't worth expending my energy on getting angry at some pathetic drunk.

Jadmack25

Veryrestless22, you are wonderful and going to be the most important person to your child.
Your comment;
"i think alcoholism is just about the saddest disease there is, because really theres no cure, very few people get sober and stay that way"

Is spot on. People think drugs, eg heroin are hard, but I believe alcohol addiction is so much worse. There are bars and pubs on almost every street corner, you can buy it legally at bottle shops and even when shopping at supermarkets and almost every party or get together has it in gallons. Avoiding it is impossible. I am surprised more of us aren't stuck on the stuff as it is in our faces day and night.
God Bless you and your baby.

veryrestless722

yes i am calmer today, i think i was just in shock at finally realizing that it wasnt only me he didnt care about but the baby, ive seen deadbeat fathers, ive seen my own sister not want her child, but i never realized that someone could truly be that way until my own husband turned out that way, ive read on alcohol and what it causes but i didnt fully grasp it until i realized that the alcohol was more important to him than his child

i now get that this is who he is and has always been, i always looked at it differently, thinking of the times he was good and acted right, but it was just that an act, he was hiding his real personality, this cruel person he is now is that real personality, and ive had signs from the very begining and just ignored them all until they slapped me in the face

im still hurt, but its nothing like it was before, now im figuring out how to truly move on, i no longer think of him as far as needing him, i dont want him around me at all anymore, i have no more desire to text message him or anything because i know ill never get what i needed from him, i dont sit around waiting on phone calls or text messages from him, i simply just want to be totally free of him now, i want to start living my life now not his

ive never had a vaginal birth as, this is my first full term baby, i had a miscarriage before and i didnt have a d/c and i had contractions with that, and they hurt like h*ll , the doc didnt give me any pain pills, he said to take tylenol, which does nothing for me, and i know those contractions couldnt have been as bad as giving birth and pushing a baby out, but i didnt like them so im kinda glad i will have a c-section and bypass the contractions, i just want the pain of the IV and epidural over with , and i hope i dont hurt too bad from the incision, ill just be so glad to have it all over with

YellowRed

Sorry you are haivng a hard time. Please fcus on you and your health right now - its in your and the baby's best interests and this is an important time for both of you. Whatever your AH is up to, it's his loss, and getting yourself worked up over it (I know it's darned hard to ignore!) isn't going to benefit anyone. Watch the blood pressure sweetie.
I had three children with my STBXAH but it often felt like four since he was just as childish as they are! I don't have any regrets about having those children - I love them with all my heart. It's a shame he can't see what he's missing but that's his choice and his loss. I'm just happy I managed to remove them from the craziness of living with an alcoholic father.
I had both c-section and natural birth - I think it's very personal. C-section was very quick and easy but I found the recovery harder than the vaginal birth but that's just me and I think every case is different. Ultimately you are so completely blown away by the precious bundle in your arms that the pain/recovery is really the least of your worries! It's an amazing time and I hope you get the support you need from calm people around you to really enjoy the magic of bonding with your new baby. Best of luck to you!

felicidade

The first c-section was actually a very easy recovery. I did an epidural, which was nothing, then my DS was born shortly after. They gave me Percocet, but it didn't do anything. Four advil was amazing. The only thing that was freaky came after the baby. The first time you go to the bathroom is a little nerve racking because you have to push, and that's a strange feeling when your still healing at the site of incision (they will give you laxative or stool softener to make it easier). Just have a nurse or your mom there. Just try to take it easy and follow the post-op instructions.
The second was even faster! But I did a spinal block instead, because they sold it as a faster procedure and recovery. Seemed the same to me.

You will be great!! You'll see. It's so true that you'll be so enamored of your baby, that any pain won't be very bothersome.

blessed4x

I never had a c-section, but my youngest (adopted) child was a c-section baby and I have to tell you they have the most beautiful little round heads.....nothing at all like the cone-heads I gave birth to!

Best of luck, keep us posted, and hoping you have a quick recovery!