How do I deal?
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: The land of Chicken Wings
Posts: 13
How do I deal?
My dad is an alcoholic, he's a nice guy, and he'd do just about anything for my family. Except for the one thing my mom and I want him to do. Quit drinking. He used to be worse than he is now, he even walked out on us for a few weeks. Then he came back a different man. A good sober man. Then four years ago, he started drinking again, more heavily than he had in the past 13 years he had been sober. Now, I don't think he could ever stop. My sister is the classic enabler. "His best friend died...I mean come on, you have to understand." Yeah, his best friend was the DRUNK DRIVER in an accident. 100mph on a motorcycle...Yet, my dad went away for the weekend and drank probably another year or two off his life, and came back grayer than the I Heart NY sweatshirts. Now he's begining to choose alcohol over family and school events. Its ridiculous. I'm so angry with him...and yet he gets mad every now and then that we don't have a relationship. He's never bothered to try and get to know me in the past four years, and everytime I try, a can of Mic. Ultra stands in our way.
If alcoholism is a disease then why does it have to hurt everyone else. (I know why, its just...) I hate it. I wish things could go back to normal. We've tried to talk it out, and nothing gets resolved, he doesn't want help so he's not going to change, and no matter what, I cant help but say, he's still my dad. Its like there is this honey coloured glass door sitting in bettween us and I can see him, and he can see me, but we can never have a relationship, and that really bothers me. I'm just so hurt by him everyday. And I don't know how to handle it.
If alcoholism is a disease then why does it have to hurt everyone else. (I know why, its just...) I hate it. I wish things could go back to normal. We've tried to talk it out, and nothing gets resolved, he doesn't want help so he's not going to change, and no matter what, I cant help but say, he's still my dad. Its like there is this honey coloured glass door sitting in bettween us and I can see him, and he can see me, but we can never have a relationship, and that really bothers me. I'm just so hurt by him everyday. And I don't know how to handle it.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by Everlong 
My dad is an alcoholic, he's a nice guy, and he'd do just about anything for my family. Except for the one thing my mom and I want him to do. Quit drinking. He used to be worse than he is now, he even walked out on us for a few weeks. Then he came back a different man. A good sober man. Then four years ago, he started drinking again, more heavily than he had in the past 13 years he had been sober. Now, I don't think he could ever stop. My sister is the classic enabler. "His best friend died...I mean come on, you have to understand." Yeah, his best friend was the DRUNK DRIVER in an accident. 100mph on a motorcycle...Yet, my dad went away for the weekend and drank probably another year or two off his life, and came back grayer than the I Heart NY sweatshirts. Now he's begining to choose alcohol over family and school events. Its ridiculous. I'm so angry with him...and yet he gets mad every now and then that we don't have a relationship. He's never bothered to try and get to know me in the past four years, and everytime I try, a can of Mic. Ultra stands in our way.
If alcoholism is a disease then why does it have to hurt everyone else. (I know why, its just...) I hate it. I wish things could go back to normal. We've tried to talk it out, and nothing gets resolved, he doesn't want help so he's not going to change, and no matter what, I cant help but say, he's still my dad. Its like there is this honey coloured glass door sitting in bettween us and I can see him, and he can see me, but we can never have a relationship, and that really bothers me. I'm just so hurt by him everyday. And I don't know how to handle it.
If alcoholism is a disease then why does it have to hurt everyone else. (I know why, its just...) I hate it. I wish things could go back to normal. We've tried to talk it out, and nothing gets resolved, he doesn't want help so he's not going to change, and no matter what, I cant help but say, he's still my dad. Its like there is this honey coloured glass door sitting in bettween us and I can see him, and he can see me, but we can never have a relationship, and that really bothers me. I'm just so hurt by him everyday. And I don't know how to handle it.
There is a lot of support available here and elsewhere, you could start with the stickies at the very top of this page, look up Al-Anon in your area, you can meet with people for face-to-face support.
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
Posts: 351
Welcome
I am so sorry for your pain. Both my father and my husband were alcoholics and the feelings you expressed seem so familiar.
Some of the things I have learned over my lifetime are: An alcoholic's desire to drink overpowers just about everything else in their life. Their thinking is dramatically altered and irrational ...they don't intend to hurt those they care about.. they just can't seem to stop. I prefer to think of it more as a mental illness than a physical one ... because an active alcoholic's thought processes are so disrupted with the craving to drink and the resulting impairment, it is difficult for them to make reasonable and logical decisions ... and their emotions become numbed. We must learn to accept that until an alcoholic finds long term sobriety, that we are not dealing with logical, rational people ... we are dealing with alcohol contained in a body instead of a bottle.
Please keep coming back and reading ... you will learn so much. Nearly everyone one here understands the pain and confusion you feel and have wondered at one time or another .... "if they cared about me, why can't they just stop drinking" .... and we learn ... it is because they are an alcoholic.
I am so sorry for your pain. Both my father and my husband were alcoholics and the feelings you expressed seem so familiar.
Some of the things I have learned over my lifetime are: An alcoholic's desire to drink overpowers just about everything else in their life. Their thinking is dramatically altered and irrational ...they don't intend to hurt those they care about.. they just can't seem to stop. I prefer to think of it more as a mental illness than a physical one ... because an active alcoholic's thought processes are so disrupted with the craving to drink and the resulting impairment, it is difficult for them to make reasonable and logical decisions ... and their emotions become numbed. We must learn to accept that until an alcoholic finds long term sobriety, that we are not dealing with logical, rational people ... we are dealing with alcohol contained in a body instead of a bottle.
Please keep coming back and reading ... you will learn so much. Nearly everyone one here understands the pain and confusion you feel and have wondered at one time or another .... "if they cared about me, why can't they just stop drinking" .... and we learn ... it is because they are an alcoholic.
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