hleffel

My father was just released from the hospital for seizures caused by DT. He is a binge drinker and apparently a couple of weeks ago went on a binge and then ended up having three seizures that we are aware of. I talked to his dr's while he was in the hospital (via phone as I am far away) and they of course said what I knew. If he drinks like that again he may not be as lucky to survive it. In the testing process they also found out that he had suffered a small stroke at some point probably earlier in his life that no one knew about. When he got home and I talked to him he was acting like none of this is a big deal and that it is normal for people to have a couple of beers after work. Now I'm not dumb, first he didn't just drink a couple of beers and he doesn't work, he just sits around drinking. We were out of each other's lives for 15 years and just a year ago he contacted me, at this point in time my main concern is my two young children. I don't want them to even talk to him if he is going to be drunk and I also don't want to explain to them that he drank himself to death.

Is it okay to lay down the law so to speak. I truly believe that he needs in patient recovery. He is a very good liar and will tell people what he knows they want to hear. Prior to this he told me that he was going to AA and not drinking anymore and since I don't live near him I had no way of checking if this was true or not. I want him to go get help or I don't want him around us. I can not keep getting drunk phone calls or calls that he is in the hospital because he was drinking but I'm afraid that will send him over the edge if I do. Why did he bother to find me again if he was just going to kill himself with alcohol? Was it for me to take care of him because that isn't going to happen? I'm very angry and very confused and just plain tired and frustrated!

Thanks for letting me vent!

Janitw

Hello and welcome ... like you I had an alcoholic parent and they are very difficult to deal with because as children we feel such a strong sense of loyalty. But we also have loyalties to our own children and spouses. I had to distance myself from my mother because of all the chaos and crisis that she caused. I had a phone call with her shortly before her death and she knew that I loved her because I told her so. I would have NEVER in a million years have let her into my home unless she was sober which I knew would never happen and unfortunately she died due to this disease. Stand strong and remember the 3 c's okay.

Hugs to you and yours hun....
Janitw

Bernadette

Hi hleffl--

I want him to go get help or I don't want him around us. I can not keep getting drunk phone calls or calls that he is in the hospital because he was drinking but I'm afraid that will send him over the edge if I do.

These sound like your bottom line- and yes it is fair and sane and correct for you to know where you draw the line, it is imperative in fact for your mental health and for your children's health like you said.

Does that make it easy emotionally, or less painful? No. It is very very painful sometimes to keep our boundaries in place.

Just remember
You didn't Cause it.
You can't Control it.
You can't Cure it.

If he "goes over the edge" because you refuse to live in denial with him that is not your fault - it is a common side-effect of this disease for them to blame everyone and evrything else for their drinking. That's just one way the disease of addiction keeps itself going. Like a tumor reroutes a blood supply to feed itself and grow- so alcohol alters the addicts neurons and changes their ability to think clearly and have good judgement.

It sounds like your father is in rough shape. Remember your #1 priority is keeping yourself healthy for yourself and your children. Stay focused on that!
Have you ever tried AlAnon? It gave me the biggest relief in dealing w/ my father's and my brothers' alcoholism.
Peace-
B.