havinghope719

I have been dating a guy for several months. During this time he has always been honest with me and told me everything. This past weekend, I saw a side of him that scared me. He got drunk and became what I would consider just verbally mean. He did not remember the events of the evening stating that he had blacked out.... he asked me to tell me all the details and he apologized profusely and had the genuine remorse. I told him that he needed to get help and that we could not date until he did so. I didn't expect him to do anything really... but I found out that he checked himself into a crisis center and is taking the steps to get himself better. He told his family that he hopes in the end that he will restore my trust and get me back.

I am confused. Do people really come out of these programs and really change their life? Am I just being stupid and setting myself up for more pain?

FormerDoormat

Some people come out of rehab and find life-long recovery, but they are the exception. MOST relapse and fall right back into their old patterns. While your boyfriend is in rehab, this would be the perfect time to educate yourself on alcoholism and what would be in store for your life if you choose to continue a relationship with an alcoholic.

Stick around a while, read the stickies at the top of the forum, read as many threads as you can, do some internet research on alcohlism, attend Alanon, and post as often as you need on this forum.

That way, when your boyfriend comes out of rehab you can make an informed decision about your future.

Welcome to the forum.

All About Love

aw sweet...yep people sure do get well an stay that way although the journey can be a long one an can still be painfull for the loved ones involved.
itsa good start though that he sought out help so quickly
but he must have the desire to do so for himself as i know that doin it for others in the past has seen me fail in it
its good that you have placed the distance between you
keeps you safe an alloews him to focus on himself
just allow him to know you care is all.
sometimes tough love so to speak is the best thing for addicts
although its hard to put into place an hard for the receiver to comprehend at the time
it was the best thing for me i sware.
i wish you well in this journey
love yourself an be gentle to you.
xxxxxxxxx

havinghope719

I am trying to keep my distance and I believe he is doing it for himself as well. His mom said that he has had a few isolated incidences before and he has never wanted to get help. The most he ever did was attend AA meetings for a period of time. I know that people say that sometimes "it takes losing something you love to change" - and I did the tough love thing yesterday - I don't think it was "losing me" so much as the realization that he had hit bottom that made him take the steps. I plan to be there for him as a support system but right now probably just friends to give him the space and time to focus on himself.