AH calls, but Silverberry weekend continues!
Looking for the silver lining
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: South Florida
Posts: 243
AH calls, but Silverberry weekend continues!
Just a little update....
After several days of silence,the AH called today.
When I saw his name pop up on the caller id of my cell phone, I immediately felt anxiety and was about to answer. I stopped myself...saying "no, you are going to wait, collect yourself, prepare, and then call back."
I called him back since I wanted to let him know his ex-wife called and his aunt was looking for him. He sounded sober, but wanted to know if I was going to give him some money "although that is not the only reason I called." I told him I gave him money two weeks ago, and no he wasn't getting more. He said that he hadn't eaten and he wouldn't specify on where he was living...however, his mounting paranoia about me trying to "screw" him was building. Also, I got a full dose how life was terrible for him and he was trying not to commit suicide. I didn't reply to these sentiments. I portrayed an air of loving detachment (I felt like my silence was gentle and not frosty).
The conversation remained civil, which I knew it would (he isn't nasty...he usually takes the path of guilt infliction). I hung up...of course, sad, but vowed to continue my Silverberry weekend. I reasoned that I knew he was going to call and I would have to deal with it sooner or later. I also used it as an opportunity to reflect what parts of my behavior in this conversation were positive and strong for me and where I was still codependently inclined. I decided that the pain I was feeling was normal and reminded myself that this was part of my weekend retreat (to celebrate the joy and lament the sadness). The sooner I face the pain, the quicker I will heal.
So...the bottom line is Silverberry weekend continues!
After several days of silence,the AH called today.
When I saw his name pop up on the caller id of my cell phone, I immediately felt anxiety and was about to answer. I stopped myself...saying "no, you are going to wait, collect yourself, prepare, and then call back."
I called him back since I wanted to let him know his ex-wife called and his aunt was looking for him. He sounded sober, but wanted to know if I was going to give him some money "although that is not the only reason I called." I told him I gave him money two weeks ago, and no he wasn't getting more. He said that he hadn't eaten and he wouldn't specify on where he was living...however, his mounting paranoia about me trying to "screw" him was building. Also, I got a full dose how life was terrible for him and he was trying not to commit suicide. I didn't reply to these sentiments. I portrayed an air of loving detachment (I felt like my silence was gentle and not frosty).
The conversation remained civil, which I knew it would (he isn't nasty...he usually takes the path of guilt infliction). I hung up...of course, sad, but vowed to continue my Silverberry weekend. I reasoned that I knew he was going to call and I would have to deal with it sooner or later. I also used it as an opportunity to reflect what parts of my behavior in this conversation were positive and strong for me and where I was still codependently inclined. I decided that the pain I was feeling was normal and reminded myself that this was part of my weekend retreat (to celebrate the joy and lament the sadness). The sooner I face the pain, the quicker I will heal.
So...the bottom line is Silverberry weekend continues!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Good for you!!!!!!!
Since you are in South Florida, he can't be that hungry, there are numerous 'soup kitchens' and a big Salvation Army that he could actually be living at if he chooses to.
You did good, not feeding into the guilt, or the 'suicide talk.' Sounds like he's still QUACKING and you didn't fall for it.
Enjoy your weekend to the max!!!!!!
Love and hugs,
Since you are in South Florida, he can't be that hungry, there are numerous 'soup kitchens' and a big Salvation Army that he could actually be living at if he chooses to.
You did good, not feeding into the guilt, or the 'suicide talk.' Sounds like he's still QUACKING and you didn't fall for it.
Enjoy your weekend to the max!!!!!!
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Sil - ver - ber - ry!
Sil - ver - ber - ry!
Sil - ver - ber - ry!
He will find a way to eat - they always do. He will also find a way to drink. And if he wants to, he'll find a way to get help.
You are his easy way out. Congratulations for giving up that job.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 73
Great job Silverberry! You are an inspiration!! 
I think I need to change my name now - having a "Tormented" weekend doesn't sound too great!
I plan on having a weekend devoted to "ME" also...
I truly hope you enjoy yours. Way to stay strong!! Good Job!
I think I need to change my name now - having a "Tormented" weekend doesn't sound too great!
I plan on having a weekend devoted to "ME" also...
I truly hope you enjoy yours. Way to stay strong!! Good Job!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 65
Way to go Silverberry - good for you. My stbxAH regularaly complains about not haivng anything to eat. Always manages to find a bar or a bottle though - funny that! Just ignore the quacking and enjoy the time for yourself! You rock!
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