Lilyflower

What is the point of having parents? I guess some people find them to be a great source of love, acceptance, and strength. It must be wonderful to know that there will always be someone in your life who can offer these things.

For me, I am always waiting for them to haul sh*t at me. I feel like they act like big children, who throw temper tantrums when they get upset and can’t get their way and resort to name calling, humiliating, degrading and bullying. I am quite close to hating them. I am quite close to telling them that I don’t want them to call me and I don’t want to see them. They are toxic. Despite how much I love them both, every time I get close to them I feel like they smack me down. It is abuse plain and simple.

Barbara52

I have to agree. Having parents sometimes is truly toxic. I had no real relationship with my parents once I reached adulthood. I couldn't. The effects of growing up in that alcoholic household did too much damage. I am now finally at 53 working through it all.

I'm sorry you are having such difficulties and pain. {hugs}

LaTeeDa

Societal mores dictate that we have to love our parents, we have to allow them to be a part of our lives, we have to take their crap.

It's hard to go against all that conditioning. But, the truth is, you can decide not to allow toxic people into your life--even if they are your parents.

I know how you feel.

L

BBD

Hi lilyflower~~You really do need to speak up to them. Your an adult now and not their child any longer. Speak whats on your mind and let them absorb it. The abuse has to stop or the relationship is going to. Plain and simple!!!! Big hugs hon, Bonnie

bookwyrm

(((lilyflower)))
Nothing to say really, just want to give you some hugs and good wishes.:ghug

hadenoughnow

Oh Boy, I could write a book on this subject. I have "put the smackdown" on both of my parents at diffferent times in my life. My dad and I did not speak at all for 5 years at one point in my 20's (I guess he realized I mean business because he treats me like gold now!). My mom is VERY codependent (between her and my codie AH I was ready for the looney bin at one point) and I had to throw her out of my home and give her the tough love treatment (she used to think I was the Bank of America just like my ex did). The good news is that I get along with both of them now because they recognize my boundaries.

Lilyflower

Hello!

Thanks everyone for replying to my somewhat brief and bitter post! I was feeling very frustrated when I wrote that yesterday and I just had to get it out, so thank you for allowing me the space and acceptance to do that.

I am one hundred percent better today! I had a mix up in communication due to the fact that Dad had been communicating through my daughter about an arrangement I had made with him, needless to say, she didn’t know the whole story because she is only 10 and not the person who was in the arrangement, who was me. So Dad ends up cancelling on me due to something daughter had said, and no one bothered to tell me. I found out through daughter day before.

I was cheesed off and told Dad he should never have been discussing this with daughter anyway etc, the whole thing blew up and Dad ended up crying and storming off the phone, passed it to mum, who not knowing what had been said by either of us, and just seeing Dad upset, then started giving me the ‘I make problems for everyone’ speech. I hung up on her.

I was sooo upset I just had to vent some. All my buttons had been pushed. I went on dinner and had a think about it, I knew I had done nothing, so I kept telling myself that, I went home soon after for a dentist appointment and called them back, I kept calm and explained things out AGAIN to mum, who understood and now the whole thing is sorted. I thank goodness that I have Melody Beattie in my life! I tried to use her points in the conflict section of her Beyond Codependancy book. It is invaluable, and helped me to gain perspective, keep to my point and get the issue resolved for the good of the relationship, both sides still with their dignity!

It would be nice if they would just have the calmness and understanding initially, but I guess that is not them, they need the drama first.

Woah, I am doing a lot of conflict handling recently, learning how to go through the process, it is a big eye opener and sooo empowering!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx