really_fed_up

It's been a long time since I've been here. The good news: Alcoholic Sis is in recovery; she's living in a facility and goes to AA everyday. She's come a long way, and we're all taking it "one day at a time". I"m really REALLY proud of her. I've been absent from this forum because I've been focusing on my own recovery. I've been seeing a therapist who is great and I'm starting to work on a LOT of things...it's really hard, but I think I'm glad that I'm doing it. SO here's my rant. The husband is having a hard time helping me out financially to see my new doctor. My new doctor wants me to see him weekly, which I can't afford out of pocket, so I called the husband at work and asked in a roundabout way if he could afford to help me out. I know that financially he CAN afford it; I just don't know if he really wants to and that has me doubting and questioning our entire relationship. He's always been a bit of a cheapskate. It embarrasses me and we've made changes, but I think it might be engrained in him by now. I don't know if that can change. So...the following is a rant that I wrote a few minutes ago--trying to follow my therapist's suggestion that I write down my feelings as a way to begin acknowledging them...so thanks for listening.


MY RANT:

I'm really angry today at the husband. What about again, well money for a f*ing change. We've been together for six years and not even married for a year, by the way. I sometimes feel like I'm playing a part--the married wife--when I feel like part of me is not suited for marriage at all. I'm angry at my husband because once again, his money issues are coming into play in our relationship. We are married; we are a couple, but his thrifty, cheapskate habits are so deeply engrained in him; he is all about "his money / her money". He barely ever treats me when we go out; he NEVER picks up the tab when we go out with friends, even if in past outings the same friends have picked up the tab. I pick it up to save myself the embarrassment, and the friends give each other knowing looks, like 'ahh, the cheapskate husband strikes again". It's embarrassing that people consider him to be so cheap and that I always make excuses for him. I'm not sure if I want to deal with it anymore. I'm angry about it.

So now it seems he doesn't want to help me pay for my treatment / therapist; that to me says he doesn't care about ME at all. What kind of ******* jerk will not pay for his wife to go see a doctor when she needs it? It's always about him, him, him, him, him when it comes to money. His bills /her bills. Maybe it's superficial, but he hardly ever buys me little things because he wants to. He has trouble even giving me money when I'm poor and need it to live by. Over summer I was poor from not working, and I told him I needed help. He told me he'd be glad to help me out but then goes and rations his money out to me $10 a day at a time. Can ANYONE live on $10 a day? And forget the bills; I feel like I have to make ends meet no matter what. I'm so angry at him. He gets pissed and angry when I try to talk to him about money. Why the hell did I marry this guy? And do I want to stay married? I don't know...it would all be so hard to get out of ...it's all so complicated. I just can't really say how I feel right now other than I want to rant and RANT and RANT.

LaTeeDa

From your description, it could easily be said that part of him is not suited for marriage at all.

But, really, it seems that maybe the two of you have different ideas and expectations about what marriage means. Was money a topic of conversation before you got married? Did you both agree on how the money/bills/accounts would be handled prior to marriage?

Maybe couples counseling would help?

L