drinking and driving
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 129
drinking and driving
I had a friend at lunch today ask me why I wont drive even if I just have a couple of beers.
I told him that I wont drive even if I have one beer. I think that I am so strong on this subject because I am married to an A.
I very seldom have a beer and I also think that is because of my situation. I enjoy having a beer once in awhile on the weekend, when friends come over.
I use to feel really guilty about drinking, because my husband drank enough for the both of us and the neighbors.
I stopped thinking that way, I had to say to myself I am not the one with the problem, I can live with or without having a beer. If I want to have one it is okay.
Did anyone else stop themselves from having a beer because of their situation. Does anyone else hate beer, or hate bars.
I told him that I wont drive even if I have one beer. I think that I am so strong on this subject because I am married to an A.
I very seldom have a beer and I also think that is because of my situation. I enjoy having a beer once in awhile on the weekend, when friends come over.
I use to feel really guilty about drinking, because my husband drank enough for the both of us and the neighbors.
I stopped thinking that way, I had to say to myself I am not the one with the problem, I can live with or without having a beer. If I want to have one it is okay.
Did anyone else stop themselves from having a beer because of their situation. Does anyone else hate beer, or hate bars.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
I don't care for bars, although I used to frequent them. I guess it's because people who hang out in bars like to drink and a good many of them are A's. My exAH practically lived in bars. His social life centered around his bar buddies. Sure, they'd go play a round of golf, but after the game they would all go hang out at the club's bar until they were drunk.
I found the more I was exposed to an A, and the amount of alcohol around the house, the less I wanted to drink. I'll go for months without drinking, however if I feel like having a glass of wine I'll do so.
I found the more I was exposed to an A, and the amount of alcohol around the house, the less I wanted to drink. I'll go for months without drinking, however if I feel like having a glass of wine I'll do so.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 55
Yes, I am the same way. I'm sure it has something to do with being married to an A. I spent so many years not having a beer because I always knew I'd be the one to drive and also I never wanted to even remotely be like him or smell like him. I hate bars but I don't hate beer. I would still like to have one every now and then and probably will someday when this isn't all new and fresh in my mind. Also, since my A is a RA, it's not worth it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Great Lake Country
Posts: 333
Wow.... Its nice to know I'm not the only one. I've always liked microbrews, and live in an area with all sorts of good ones. However, over the last few months, I have had little or no desire to drink. The only time I drink is when I think things are safe, i.e. the A is nowhere around. The other problem is that when you do drink with the A around, they use that as validation that their drinking is okay, or at least mine does.
Redd
Redd
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Chicago IL
Posts: 184
I have children, so I need to be sober in case of anything....rides, emergencies, decision making, etc. I think I also choose not to drink because I have come to resent what it represents in my life. Just recently, I caught myself cringing at the sound of a can tab opening. Got to get over that one...all in due time. Other people's drinking never really gave me a second thought before. I guess it also comes from all those years of appointing myself designated driver.
:atv
:atv
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
I like to drink on occasion. The unfortunate part is, I can't drink in my own house without thinking about my AH, and if I'm going to tempt him, or if he's watching me. Call it whatever, but it just seems to kill any enjoyment I would get out a drink.
I like to have a drink with friends, when the fact that I'm actually drinking something with alcohol in it isn't the headline. After being married to an A for 16 years, I feel like I'm doing something terribly sneaky and wrong when I buy booze.
I miss the fun part that booze was in my life. It was an occasional night out with friends, and a few beers that tasted good, along with some chicken wings and some games of pool. It was laughing, chatting, flirting, dancing, and smiling. Most of all smiling and laughing. Alcoholism squashed all of that for many years. I viewed alcohol as the other woman in my marriage. The source of evil that was bringing me such misery.
I still have fun when I'm with friends and we have a few glasses of wine. Doesn't happen very often though. I read something here I think once that made so much sense. A women had not had a drink in such a long time, because she didn't want to tempt her AH. But he drank constantly whether she did or not. So she joined him. She wasn't an alcoholic, but realized her not having a drink didn't matter at all to him.
I did buy a few drinks after that but never did enjoy them still. I think if I'm within 100 ft. of my AH, it's just not possible.
I like to have a drink with friends, when the fact that I'm actually drinking something with alcohol in it isn't the headline. After being married to an A for 16 years, I feel like I'm doing something terribly sneaky and wrong when I buy booze.
I miss the fun part that booze was in my life. It was an occasional night out with friends, and a few beers that tasted good, along with some chicken wings and some games of pool. It was laughing, chatting, flirting, dancing, and smiling. Most of all smiling and laughing. Alcoholism squashed all of that for many years. I viewed alcohol as the other woman in my marriage. The source of evil that was bringing me such misery.
I still have fun when I'm with friends and we have a few glasses of wine. Doesn't happen very often though. I read something here I think once that made so much sense. A women had not had a drink in such a long time, because she didn't want to tempt her AH. But he drank constantly whether she did or not. So she joined him. She wasn't an alcoholic, but realized her not having a drink didn't matter at all to him.
I did buy a few drinks after that but never did enjoy them still. I think if I'm within 100 ft. of my AH, it's just not possible.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
Redd, I love microbrews too! Seattle had some great ones. All that ended for me as well. I get paranoid even telling anyone that I like booze of any kind because I'm so used to booze equaling addiction. It never has for me. I may have a total of 12 beers a year max, but they are usually stouts and I love the taste. The last time I went out of town, I came home to find my AH drunk out of his skull. There was a huge nearly empty plastic jug of off-brand vodka right next to him. I came upstairs and found one bottle of the type of beer (Oatmeal Stout) that was my favorite from many years ago in the fridge. Apparently he had prepared himself for a nice party while I was gone and decided to drink something that actually had some flavor to it. But the call of the vodka was too strong and the beer never was drank........ until I opened it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Great Lake Country
Posts: 333
Its amazing and frustrating how someone else's addiction and behavior can suck the enjoyment right out of your life. There are so many things that I can't do, because the aggravation after you do it is so much greater than the pleasure you get from an activity. No microbrews, no naps, no movies, no beach time with your family, no socializing with friends. Your life, especially in a small town, becomes this grey ghost of what it once was. I know this sounds co-dependent, but its true... I don't go to the library because my A might destroy what I bring home. I don't get movies, because she'll pass out before we're done watching it, and won't remember even if she does stay up to the end. We don't go to movies, because it cuts into her drinking time.
Oh well, it won't change until something changes..
Redd
Oh well, it won't change until something changes..
Redd
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
it strickly depends on my mental state of mind - some times I can be around alcohol with no issues - sometimes a commercial can tigger a feeling in me that is total chaos.
It seems like I have been affected by alcohol since before I was born - it is all about me and how I am doing mentally - I'm 44 yrs old & never been drunk in my life. Why? Because that substance has had too much power over my life unwillingly to give it my power willingly
I have had an occasional drink now & then but it does nothing for me.
I'm not saying it's good or bad for anyone else - just saying for me - the substance, smell of the substance or a picture of the substance can be a trigger of a lot of unwanted memories for me.
I usually avoid it as much as possible for my own safety.
As far as drinking & driving - I have a lot of loved ones out on the roads and I really wish that no one would drink & drive - my belief is one is too many - after all why take the chance - there are so many resources available for you to get a ride home - please take the safe route for you and the world around you.
Just my e, s, & h,
Please take what you like & leave the rest,
Rita
It seems like I have been affected by alcohol since before I was born - it is all about me and how I am doing mentally - I'm 44 yrs old & never been drunk in my life. Why? Because that substance has had too much power over my life unwillingly to give it my power willingly
I have had an occasional drink now & then but it does nothing for me.
I'm not saying it's good or bad for anyone else - just saying for me - the substance, smell of the substance or a picture of the substance can be a trigger of a lot of unwanted memories for me.
I usually avoid it as much as possible for my own safety.
As far as drinking & driving - I have a lot of loved ones out on the roads and I really wish that no one would drink & drive - my belief is one is too many - after all why take the chance - there are so many resources available for you to get a ride home - please take the safe route for you and the world around you.
Just my e, s, & h,
Please take what you like & leave the rest,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Hertfordshire, UK
Posts: 111
About half-way through my relationship with my XAGF I pretty much gave up drinking entirely. On special occasions like birthdays I'd have some drinks but I'd go without for months at a stretch in-between. The initial trigger for me to stop was that I was seriously depressed at the time (hey, I'd been living with an emotionally abusive alcoholic for five years...) and the anti-depressants I had been prescribed were marked as not to be taken with alcohol. So I stopped drinking. Once I'd got over the depression I went back to drinking two or three times a year on special occasions like birthdays etc, but that was it. At the time, I thought it was easier to "deal with" her drunkenness if I was sober plus I just didn't feel any desire to drink more than that. This was way before I found out that the best way is to walk away, of course...
Since she's moved out, I've "progressed" to drinking once, maybe twice, a week. I'll have between one and three beers each time, either a cold lager in the summer or a proper, English real ale in the winter. I'm happy with that.
Mr B.
Since she's moved out, I've "progressed" to drinking once, maybe twice, a week. I'll have between one and three beers each time, either a cold lager in the summer or a proper, English real ale in the winter. I'm happy with that.
Mr B.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,061
Interesting topic. In the 70's & 80's my father would head off to work with a cooler full of Coors. As soon as work was over he'd crack the first one open and drive home. That was before the days of strict DUI laws, he worked for the city and had plenty of friends on the police force.
Mom and Dad would drink and drive when we went on family trips together. Seemed like they always had a beer between their knees, come to think of it I can't remember too many times when they weren't drinking a beer.
I started drinking beer at 14 and didn't stop for 27 years. For the last 9 years I drank I'd start at 4:00 and have a few at work before I headed home, then I'd continue there and usually finish myself off with a big glass of vodka or scotch every night. I drove my kids around drunk often, now I thank God for keeping them safe.
My ex said she never cared much for beer, only a Bud Light once in awhile. Funny, in the year before we divorced she'd ride her bike to a bar and drink microbrews with the guy she had an affair with and married. Guess she liked beer enough to drink it with her next alcoholic!
Nowadays the smell of it makes me nauseous. I can't believe the years I wasted away drinking beer every night until I passed out. That makes me really grateful for my recovery!
Mom and Dad would drink and drive when we went on family trips together. Seemed like they always had a beer between their knees, come to think of it I can't remember too many times when they weren't drinking a beer.
I started drinking beer at 14 and didn't stop for 27 years. For the last 9 years I drank I'd start at 4:00 and have a few at work before I headed home, then I'd continue there and usually finish myself off with a big glass of vodka or scotch every night. I drove my kids around drunk often, now I thank God for keeping them safe.
My ex said she never cared much for beer, only a Bud Light once in awhile. Funny, in the year before we divorced she'd ride her bike to a bar and drink microbrews with the guy she had an affair with and married. Guess she liked beer enough to drink it with her next alcoholic!
Nowadays the smell of it makes me nauseous. I can't believe the years I wasted away drinking beer every night until I passed out. That makes me really grateful for my recovery!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: pa
Posts: 260
I did my fair share of drinkin when I was in my early 20's.
Then the kids came and I needed to be available for them at all times.
I think I grew up but my husband continued the lifestyle of a person with no responsibilties.
This is why we are not together anymore.
Some people seem weirded out when I tell them I don't drink.
It just brought too much pain into my life.
Then the kids came and I needed to be available for them at all times.
I think I grew up but my husband continued the lifestyle of a person with no responsibilties.
This is why we are not together anymore.
Some people seem weirded out when I tell them I don't drink.
It just brought too much pain into my life.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: London, England
Posts: 21
Ironically (?!?) my job is in a wine selling company. I have always enjoyed drinking, not always in moderation, but never ever with any degree of compulsion or addiction.
Like many of you, any pleasure in drinking at home just does not exist any more. Even though my AP says to me to go ahead whenever I want to, I don't, generally because the experience does not relax me, and I am worrying about whether I am tempting him, whether I will cause him to relapse etc etc. Even if he is not in, somehow the experience is not the same.
I do have a drink at work sometimes (it really is part of the job!), and sometimes out with friends, and that is fun and relaxing. It really is all about the company you're with.
He is sober currently, but when he was drinking the sound of a can opening would send fear into my heart, and turn me into a suspicious madwoman. The fact that he was drinking so much put me right off it!
Like many of you, any pleasure in drinking at home just does not exist any more. Even though my AP says to me to go ahead whenever I want to, I don't, generally because the experience does not relax me, and I am worrying about whether I am tempting him, whether I will cause him to relapse etc etc. Even if he is not in, somehow the experience is not the same.
I do have a drink at work sometimes (it really is part of the job!), and sometimes out with friends, and that is fun and relaxing. It really is all about the company you're with.
He is sober currently, but when he was drinking the sound of a can opening would send fear into my heart, and turn me into a suspicious madwoman. The fact that he was drinking so much put me right off it!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 633
I do go out and drink occasionally but I always pace myself so I am sober when I leave if I am driving (don't have more than one serving per hour and wait an hour after the last one).
It is nice to be able to buy a bottle of wine or booze for the house and not have it disappear!
It is nice to be able to buy a bottle of wine or booze for the house and not have it disappear!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 163
Oh wow. Can i tell y'all something? I am having a Cosmopolitan right now. Know why? Because I can! It's a premix so it's not as strong as it would be in a bar or if someone made it for me but I can have it in the house without fear of what will happen later tonight. I know what will happen, I will order me and the kiddo a pizza and I will finish unpacking. Woo Hoo, big party! 
Japic05 this really spoke to me "that substance has had too much power over my life unwillingly to give it my power willingly" WOW. I love that, words to live by.
Cassey I lost everything I knew because my soon to be xAH chose to drink and drive. I am the same way and have been since before I met him. I won't get behind the wheel if I have had a drink, it is that simple. I won't put myself or anyone else at risk. I have too much to lose. Nothing wrong with having a good head on your shoulders if you ask me.
Japic05 this really spoke to me "that substance has had too much power over my life unwillingly to give it my power willingly" WOW. I love that, words to live by.
Cassey I lost everything I knew because my soon to be xAH chose to drink and drive. I am the same way and have been since before I met him. I won't get behind the wheel if I have had a drink, it is that simple. I won't put myself or anyone else at risk. I have too much to lose. Nothing wrong with having a good head on your shoulders if you ask me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
I drink when I go out to dinner ( a couple of glasses of wine usually). I'm sitting here sipping a beer this evening. I don't drink to excess so I don't worry about driving drunk. I don't get drunk. I can't remember the last time I got drunk.
But then I'm not an alcoholic.
I can understand those who react to living with an alcoholic by not drinking or never driving after even one beer. I certainly understand that reaction in someone who has lost someone due to drunk driving. And if that works for you, go for it. Its also ok to know that a couple of beers or whatever doesn't make one drunk necessarily and doesn't have to prevent one from driving.
But then I'm not an alcoholic.
I can understand those who react to living with an alcoholic by not drinking or never driving after even one beer. I certainly understand that reaction in someone who has lost someone due to drunk driving. And if that works for you, go for it. Its also ok to know that a couple of beers or whatever doesn't make one drunk necessarily and doesn't have to prevent one from driving.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 1,340
As an alcoholic in early recovery I feel extremely guilty that I have soured my SO's ability to have alcohol in the house... at least for now. 
I hope he's not out there thinking he'd be better off without me so that at least he could have a beer at home if he felt like it. It seemed like a small thing to ask for but now I'm reading this and thinking maybe it was too much.
Or maybe I should stop reading the "friends and family of alcoholics" threads
I do because I'm one of them too... But also an alcoholic myself.
I hope he's not out there thinking he'd be better off without me so that at least he could have a beer at home if he felt like it. It seemed like a small thing to ask for but now I'm reading this and thinking maybe it was too much.Or maybe I should stop reading the "friends and family of alcoholics" threads
I do because I'm one of them too... But also an alcoholic myself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by SelfSeeking 
As an alcoholic in early recovery I feel extremely guilty that I have soured my SO's ability to have alcohol in the house... at least for now. I hope he's not out there thinking he'd be better off without me so that at least he could have a beer at home if he felt like it. It seemed like a small thing to ask for but now I'm reading this and thinking maybe it was too much.
I hope he's not out there thinking he'd be better off without me so that at least he could have a beer at home if he felt like it. It seemed like a small thing to ask for but now I'm reading this and thinking maybe it was too much.I would have gladly never had another drink if my xAH would have gotten into recovery.
Black and Yellow
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,359
Originally Posted by Cassey
Did anyone else stop themselves from having a beer because of their situation.
I stopped drinking because I am an addict. I did not want to trade one addiction for another.
I am very happy to hear that you won't drive even after only one!! Good for you!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: OKLAHOMA CITY OKLA
Posts: 43
I like to drink every once in a while. But I will not drive even when I was young and my friends and I would go to the dance clubs and drink and have a girls night out we always had a driver who that night would not drink. I have always been to scared and the thought of getting into a wreck and killing someone well it would be to horrible to even think about. So if I drink a couple of bers I stay home. I do not go clubbing anymore.
I feel old now you go to a club now and everyone is 21 young pretty slim What I used to be. Now I would feel like a mataron or a old mom!!!!!
It is not wrouth taking a chance and ruining your likfe or some innocent family orperson.
I am very much against drinking and driving even being young I was.
How my ex b/f has not killed someone is beyond me I guess God is looking out for the other people on the road he has wrecked 2 cars and just left them onthe street and then would go back and get them he did not hit anyone but hit a tree and never got caught to bad he didnt.+
Kelli...
I feel old now you go to a club now and everyone is 21 young pretty slim What I used to be. Now I would feel like a mataron or a old mom!!!!!
It is not wrouth taking a chance and ruining your likfe or some innocent family orperson.
I am very much against drinking and driving even being young I was.
How my ex b/f has not killed someone is beyond me I guess God is looking out for the other people on the road he has wrecked 2 cars and just left them onthe street and then would go back and get them he did not hit anyone but hit a tree and never got caught to bad he didnt.+
Kelli...
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