Lilyflower

Hi everyone,

This time last year, I was sooo lost within myself. I had still yet to find SR. Still living with my abf, in court fighting a repossession order on my house, trying to find help to manage what seemed like an endlessly increasing pile of debts I couldn't keep up with. My home life was in turmoil; facing daily tirades of verbal and emotional abuse from the abf, never knowing what was coming next, whether I was coming or going, lots of sleepless nights, time off work, crying etc etc.

It's great to have come so far.

The difference in how I am living easily now compared to how I was practically going hungry from no food in the house and getting a bag of bits from my mum to tide me over, walking to work, having no electricity for a few days until I got my weekly money through... it brings it all home to me just how much abf would squander my money on his alcohol (I say MY money because he did not work for the last 6 months we were together and that was when things were so bad).

I always believed him when he would say his friends had brought him his beer, or that he had 'lost' money, I was so gullible and willing to stay stuck in denial, it amazes me looking back.

I have had the best summer in years! Without my abf around, this year I have had money - wow, and thus been able to treat my daughter and I to some good days out.

I have really tried to focus on giving my daughter some good quality fun time this summer, she commented just the other day that she usually gets bored toward the middle of the break, but not this year.

Jennie, my daughter, and I have been to two different fun fairs, the beach, the Dr Who? museum, the Sea life Centre, the water park, the zoo and the cinema. I even managed to take her out shopping for clothes and accessories on top of getting her new uniform for school. It is amazing how I now feel I have so much spare cash. I am even managing to save from week to week.

I feel so much more free and fun. I have my motivation back too, on a healthier diet and I've took up roller blades, Jennie and I went to the park yesterday with out dog and had a skate around. My leg muscles were tender but it was so much fun!

I don't for one second regret telling him to go now, I should've done it sooner!!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mair

So so happy for you Lily. My life too has changed for the better, ive just come home from Italy with my kids and had a fantastic time all my attention was on them and me and not my ex A , we had so much fun, last year I found SR and from there on I made the changes for ME and my children.

I know what you mean about "doing it sooner" but "better late than never" is my moto.

Happy Days

Mair xxx

BBD

Hi Lily, I'm glad you had such a fantastic summer with your daughter. Thats what lifes about. And believe me~~they grow up so fast. Last year at this time my son had just gotten out of rehab. He lived with us for a while and is now in his own apartment with a good job and hopefully taking care of himself. He's not that close that we can keep an eye on him~~but thats a good thing. This is his recovery and the only way we'll be standing by him is if he stays healthy and takes care of himself. We all deserve to enjoy life. Smiles, Bonnie

peaceteach

Lily,

It's wonderful to hear that you are enjoying life with your daughter. Life is truly what you make of it, and it sounds like you are on the right path. Good for you!

NeedHappiness

Lilly, I am so happy for you!!! I am looking forward to next summer when I will be able to say the same thing about my own finances. I totally understand what you are saying about the X squandering money away. I went through the same thing.
I'll bet your daughter has found a new outlook on her summer's now and I applaud you for doing all the special outings with her!! You have been like a role model to me and I hope my recovery continues down the same path that has successfully worked for you!!
Hugs

Lilyflower

Thank you so much, that is very sweet of you to say! I am glad I have been able to give support and share my experience with everyone here!

I have been lucky in some ways, like the fact that my abf decided to take off to another city miles and miles away so he hasn't always been in my face! I have tried to keep it simple. I have spent the last 6 months focusing on handling life day to day, things I found difficult to do like taking care of the house, paying bills on time, organising my finances, and looking after myself. I had neglected these things for a long time.

I still struggle with these things from time to time, but it's great to know that that's ok, I don't have to be perfect, I can accept it and move on and grow. This site has been a God send to me, and it is wonderful to know that my cyber friends are always there for me should I need some help or a kick up the jackass!

I try to use my recovery tools everyday. I sometimes hit a wall, but it is not insurmountable!

I am discovering that my life can be full of fun and enjoyment, even if I'm stuck in the house on a cold rainy day, with no money, no place to go; I now know that it is up to me, its all a perspective, I just need to get my positivity going, and keep affirming myself and my life. I will be ok, who I am and how I am is great and tomorrow is a fresh page in my life story!

Blessings and hugs
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx