SereneRose

Hi, I joined a few days ago and have just been going through the posts to see if this is for me. I have been going to Al-Anon since Apr 10 of this year. It has had a tremendous affect on me. Of all the times I have gone to meetings, I have never told me story. I just want to tell a small portion, here it is: My story is probably similar to you all. I had a fairly normal childhood but struggled with self-worth and wanted acceptance; which I felt I never got from the people I wanted it from. I wanted to see the world and joined the Air Force when I was 20. I married (eloped) and had a baby with the first boyfriend I had ever had in my life. I think I did it because I really didn’t think anyone would really want me. Therein lies the deep root of most co-dependents. Anyways, we went on with our lives and I really tried to find the deep love I was looking for. He started drinking heavy when our second son we had together died at 5 months. It got worse and worse over the years. I got worse and worse over the years; to the point that I really thought I had some serious emotional problems. Life was hell the last 10 years of our marriage and our oldest boy who was a junior in high school was suffering the most of our sham of a marriage. I needed out (I found out later I ran away from things instead of facing them). After 17 years of marriage, I moved my youngest boy out with me to a small apartment.
Within a few weeks I met a man (why I was looking I will never know) and I feel for him like a ton of bricks. He was handsome, funny and gave me the attention I had always needed and wanted. I never felt those HUGE red flags hit me over the head. We moved in together one and half years later. The three years we were together he drank drank and drank again. I thought I could control the drinking by drinking with him. Boy, was I wrong; wrong about a lot of things. As time went on I became afraid, angry and fed up with his possessiveness, jealousy, alcoholism, sloppiness and “always right” attitude. I was afraid to leave because of threats and so forth or should I say I became “submissive” to his behavior. Four years ago around his birthday, he was drinking a lot one evening and getting very aggressive with me. I was frightened for my life, but did not leave. Over the next two days I watched this man I once loved turn into a monster. He choked, kicked, belittled me and finally chased my son and I down the street with his gun shooting at us. The police came and it took 8 hours to take him away. That was my out! Not good way to end a love affair but that was enough of that. The next few years were on and off boyfriends who couldn’t do anything right (in my eyes anyway).
I went into therapy to see if I could function in the world with self-esteem and not let anyone step on me again. I was doing well and definitely needed the help. Well now, I have met a man who is a recovering alcoholic. I don’t know why I pick these men. (I don’t seem to have an attraction to anyone unless they have some kind of addiction or something.) I fell in love with him and started feeling all those co-dependent ways come flooding back. But this time, I was aware that there was something missing from my life. I went to al-anon and it is the best thing that has happened in quite some time. I am still dealing with all my relationships in my life and how I handled them. Every day is a struggle but every day is a blessing. Even though I work my program, I still have those days when I drop down to Step One and my life become totally unmanageable.
I am glad I found Al-Anon and this forum when I can’t go to meetings or read my books. Recovery is slow and neverending. I long for enriching and loving relationships for the best years of my life. BTY, my son goes to Alateen and LOVES it!!!

dolphingal1971

Welcome! I can relate all too well to your post. This is a wonderful place here! I am fairly new but it is inspiring. Keep posting! Glad you found us!!! :ghug3

Bernadette

Hiya SereneRose!
Welcome! And thank you so much for sharing your story. You sound like you're really working on and making progress!

And thanks esp for sharing this: my son goes to Alateen and LOVES it!!!

I hope other parents will read that and get inspired to introduce their teens to AlAnon.

Peace,
B.

Spiritual Seeker

Welcome,
Recovery is an interesting thing. We learn to stop taking other's inventories and we start taking our own. We learn just what it is that we have control over... and that is our own growth and recovery. We learn that when we become healthy we make healthy choices.

How wonderful that you are including your son in the recovery process now.

CatsPajamas

HI and welcome! I'm glad you are able to go to Al Anon meetings and find them helpful. I come from a background and history very similar to yours. My sons have not gone to Alateen or Al anon now that they are older, but they have seen the remarkable changes and growth in ME as I have been going to Al Anon over the years. At least they will know where to go when their lives become unmanageable.

I've learned in recovery that just because someone feels familiar or comfortable does NOT necessarily make them a healthy match for me. It simply means I recognize certain characteristics in them - now I can say WOOPS I've been here before and I don't want to go there again!