Yesterday's danger...near codie relapse.
Looking for the silver lining
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: South Florida
Posts: 243
Yesterday's danger...near codie relapse.
Well, starting on Friday, the AH started questioning whether I was REALLY serious about him moving out in Sept. I have been pretty good at holding my ground and telling him yes. We go through this every few days now...However, he called his father's yesterday and spoke to his stepmother about coming up there for a while. She said that she didn't think it would be a good idea. AH's father is also an A, and this is his fifth wife. Besides, his father had some major surgery recently, and is in weak health.
AH started panicing....no where to go...no one to care...abandoned again...rejected by all...all the typical things you hear. This time though his desperation was seriously getting to me. I was danger close to hugging him and telling him that he could stay. I had to leave the house.
I needed support major quick, so I called around to friends and my therapist. All of whom were not available. Then I made a mistake and called my mother. My mother is also a major codie. She starts panicing telling me that I need to call his father and maybe even drive over there and talk to him. This increases my anxiety. I hang up the phone and without careful thought, I call his dad's house, and spoke to his step mother. She hadn't told his father yet about AH moving out, but still didn't think it was a good idea for him to move up there. I then proceed to leave a message on the house phone and his cell phone (which is turned off) saying that his father didn't abandon him, just didn't know. All those wild emotions were swimming in my head.
Thankfully, my therapist called back right after that and we had a long discussion about his choices and his ability to get recovery. He still hasn't so much as mentioned it. She also reminded me that the recovery community is a great support system, like a family...he merely needs to reach for it. If he can find the people to get drunk with, then he can find the people to recover with to. After that, I chilled out and reassessed my behavior...only minor damage done. Thankfully, I stuck to my guns because later when I got home, he left a message that he would AGAIN be out all night. He must have somewhere to sleep....thanks for listening..:codiepolice
AH started panicing....no where to go...no one to care...abandoned again...rejected by all...all the typical things you hear. This time though his desperation was seriously getting to me. I was danger close to hugging him and telling him that he could stay. I had to leave the house.
I needed support major quick, so I called around to friends and my therapist. All of whom were not available. Then I made a mistake and called my mother. My mother is also a major codie. She starts panicing telling me that I need to call his father and maybe even drive over there and talk to him. This increases my anxiety. I hang up the phone and without careful thought, I call his dad's house, and spoke to his step mother. She hadn't told his father yet about AH moving out, but still didn't think it was a good idea for him to move up there. I then proceed to leave a message on the house phone and his cell phone (which is turned off) saying that his father didn't abandon him, just didn't know. All those wild emotions were swimming in my head.
Thankfully, my therapist called back right after that and we had a long discussion about his choices and his ability to get recovery. He still hasn't so much as mentioned it. She also reminded me that the recovery community is a great support system, like a family...he merely needs to reach for it. If he can find the people to get drunk with, then he can find the people to recover with to. After that, I chilled out and reassessed my behavior...only minor damage done. Thankfully, I stuck to my guns because later when I got home, he left a message that he would AGAIN be out all night. He must have somewhere to sleep....thanks for listening..:codiepolice
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 84
Good for you for reaching out to your support system though! Isn't it amazing how quickly things can get so crazy and anxious. You did a good job though! Your therapist sounds amazing, and I am printing this sentence out to help me through my frequent times of hearing and seeing the crying and the "you don't love me, everyone is abandoning me blues". Usually tears me apart every time. I love this:
"If he can find the people to get drunk with, then he can find the people to recover with too."
"If he can find the people to get drunk with, then he can find the people to recover with too."
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Fort Wayne IN
Posts: 284
Awsome strength you have! Congratulations on holding your ground.. Your therapist gave great advice.
Alcoholics should be given PhD for manipulation. We are great at it. Stay strong and you will have a better life.
Best of what life has to offer you!
Alcoholics should be given PhD for manipulation. We are great at it. Stay strong and you will have a better life.
Best of what life has to offer you!
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