kermit

That he got a job, not sure when he is going to start but hopefully soon so he can stuff for school, and that he was saving money so he can get back to California. UGH! This EX is something else! Why in the world would he do this? Now My son thinks this is true!
Any suggestions on how to handle this one? Right now I want to screem at his father and I'm not to sure what to say to my son, I know that being honest is the best, but how do I go about it with out making his Dad lood like $hit and me the bad guy?

:wtf2 I just want to ring his neck!

OverItNow

How old is your son? My AH does this constantly and mine is only 4 and it's hard. He doesn't understand why daddy isn't doing whatever he said he'd do with him. I can't be honest at that age so I try to make up for it by doing things with him myself--and AH lives in our home. But, in your situation, since nothing has happened yet and your ExAH just told the lie, I'd say nothing. Ex told your son that he doesn't know when he's going to start his "new job" so if son asks you about school stuff or him moving, I'd probably say--he must not have started his job yet. But again, I don't know how old your son is or what he knows of Ex's history.

I hate when they do that. I don't understand how A's don't understand how everything they say to their children is gospel to them. Perhaps because they are so used to lying to everyone it has just become second nature?

kermit

I have three children, my daughter 18, son #1 is 9, and son # 2 is 6, he was talking to my opps "OUR" 9 yr old. any way I do believe that in the Alcholics head they don't think they are lying. But it doesn't make it right.
Oh, and my kids all of them know why Daddy left, to live with another woman, her kids and because he drank to much.
This was over 2 yrs ago when he left.

lizw

I don't think you have to do anything. If your x wants to fed BS to his kids, it's not your problem. Kids are pretty smart and when the x doesn't live up to his stories, your kid, in time, will learn not too listen to them.

Trying to 'manage' their relationship will just drive you bonkers.

One of the best Al Anon tapes I have ever heard contained a lady who said that once she started going to Al Anon one of the hardest things she had to do was stop acting as the 'go between' with her kids and her husband.

When she first began to step aside, whenever her husband and kids use to communicate it all turned into a yelling match because they had never had to communicate. She use to leave the house when they started, but in time the husband and kids learnt to sort out their difference and communicate without her being refree or judge/jury.

A few weeks ago my 13 year old daughter annouced to me, while we were in the car, that her father informed her that he taught me to drive and that I was a awful driver. I felt my whole body tense and while I wanted to say, most people who get taught to drive via having abuse screamed at them, would be bad drives too, I bit my lip and said "Is that right?" And changed the subject. While I think he is a very sick man, it isn't my job to interfer in their relationship. It would be a different story though if he was acting abusively towards her and endangering her saftey.

CatsPajamas

I was just talking with a friend about this yesterday. I told her about my Big Five:

Oh
Wow
Really
Huh

and

Ya don't say!

Those 5 words/phrases have really truly changed my life. I can be engaged in a conversation with my sons without anyone needing to become defensive etc. I started doing that back when many of our conversations started with "Dad said ....."

Today I can just smile about it. Back then? Not so much.

Hugs

Cats