Blondie

I have a question for those who have divorced their AH or are in the process. How can I prove that he has a drinking problem to a judge? Should I keep the bank statements like the checking (they put on there where money is taken out of an ATM) and the credit card statements (they put on the statement where he spent the money). Also, I was thinking to start keeping a journal again to keep track of when he comes home drunk or stays out all night to prove the bank statements correct.

Also, my lawyer (when I get one, can't afford it yet) could get copies of the past DUIs.

My AH puts on a good front with his lodge buddies and they think he is a saint, so he probably would call them as character witnesses. The group he drinks with is a whole seperate compartment of his life.

Although, he got in trouble at work when he called into work the night before and was horribly drunk. His boss called him into the office and played the tape for him and my AH was humiliated. His boss told him not to do it again but my AH told me his boss also thought it was funny (lies here, I'm sure). Should I tape his drunkin conversations with me?

I am asking this because I am certain that a seperation and a divorce is coming and I want to be prepared. I'll go crazy if I have to live like this another year and I feel the time is coming to call it a day.

Also, my neighbor now knows our whole story now and is giving me all kinds of unwanted advice (she's never known alcoholics before) like kicking him out of the bedroom, MAKING him go to counseling, etc, etc, etc. How do you politely handle someone like this?

hadenoughnow

Most divorces don't go to trial so I would not worry about witnesses. Keep copies of bank statements, any receipts for alcohol purchases, take pictures of any stashes or empties you find. You should be able to get copies of his DUI convictions from the courthouse for a small fee.

Jazzman

You have children together and worried about visitation?
I think a conversation with a lawyer would be smart to get an idea of what you're facing. I'm no lawyer but I've had a front row seat in traffic court years ago. I was there as a witness and I realized nothing pisses a judge off more than multiple DUIs. You might not need a whole lot more than that.

GiveLove

Blondie,
Many, if not most, lawyers will do an initial consultation with you for free. If they don't where you are, Legal Aid can talk to you (free) about the laws in your state and what you should do. You may not have to worry about anything but pulling the court records for his DUIs and, if things keep going the way they are, his employment record (fired for drinking). I certainly wouldn't hold back on turning him in for an additional DUI and any physical threats he makes toward you either.

Good luck

Taking5

You don't need a lawyer to get DUI copies, this is public information. All you have to do is drive to the court bldg, be prepared to get the run around, and spend a few dollars.

CC receipts are great, especially if it is obviously a bar and not a restaraunt. Take pictures of the inside of the establishment(s) if you have to as visual evidence that this is a drinking place, not Olive Garden.

Check your state laws too on the photos, digital photos are inadmissible in court in criminal proceedings (there is no negative) but I do not know how this works in divorce or civil cases.

LaTeeDa

In most states, it doesn't matter one lick whether he is an alcoholic or not when it comes to divorce/division of property. It can make a difference in child custody/visitation, though. So, I guess the answer to your question is, it depends on what you are hoping to accomplish.

L

LaTeeDa

I would just say, "Thanks for your concern. I'll consider it." And then change the subject.

L

LucyA

I've kept some records of my brothers activities in the last few months, although my siuation is a bit different from yours. I've recorded stuff relevant to his ability to look after a child, so it's mainly saved text messages telling me he isn't going to see his son on such a date, dates and records of when he's let his son down, letters to me from my solicitor saying my brother hasn't responded the her enquiries about his son, letters from social services saying they cant contact my brother regarding his son, etc. If it's relevant I've kept it or recorded it, just in case.
I'm going to court for a residence order for my nephew, so anything I get is saved, any phone calls have some kind of record, every conversation with my brother is recorded, even if I just got grunts in response. I don't know what you need to help you, but my solicitor told me even if I only have a date and notes of a relevant conversation it might just help me. I'm UK though so your laws will be different.

Blondie

Actually I was hoping to get full custody of our two children. I wouldn't really trust him alone with the kids staying a weekend or week. But then again he would rather go out with "friends" then be with us about six days a week anyway, so I doubt he would use much visitation chances anyway, but I need to protect our kids just in case.

I could get a copy of the one DUI but the other he got off of that one due to a technicality so I'll have to look into that one. I'll look into the other suggestions too, thanks. There are a lot of good ideas here, good information. I also have the two letters of apology that he wrote me saying he would never drink again--not one drop because of the pain he caused us all after the DUIs. That would be good to put in the file too.

My wish is that he will willingly seperate and not cause to much trouble. He has never been physical with me, but he can be a verbally nasty and mean person, and of course he'll blame me for it all, but I guess that's all part of the disease. Whatever it is, I expect I'll get blamed, so I'm ready for that.

Thanks LTD, I guess that reponse to my neighbor is straight and to the point without being nasty. It's very appropriate, I'll sure use it next time.

i4getsm

I think it's good to have background info but you need to talk to a lawyer first. Everything really depends on the laws in your state. You can request supervised visits and limited or no overnights in your complaint.

I guess I'll take a different perspective on visitation. If you can find a way to keep the kids safe, I would try to do that rather than keep him away or shut him out. Obviously you know your situation better than anyone, but I always try to remind myself that my kids didn't divorce their dad...we divorced each other. Ya know? Ironically my STBXAH is a "better quality" dad when he isn't with us every day. He does not drink when he comes to my home, and he keeps the boys over night at his parents' house where I know he won't be drinking.

Just wanted to give you a different perspective. Hope that helps.