kingston

Hi everyone, haven't posted for a while but I sure have been reading a lot here. I'd like to share some of my baby steps with you and let you all know how I am doing.

Recap, I told my AH (3 years sober but not working any kind of program) how I felt about him not working, not contributing financially to our relationship and that the only way I can feel better is to let him know that if he doesn't have a job by Sept 1 I will find a apt for me - without him.

Well he's made what I think is a half assed attempt at looking for a job, 5 weeks and nothing. I know in my heart of hearts that he won't get a job because he doesn't want one. I've been hanging in for so long, hoping things will get better and they don't because nothing has changed. I've reached the end of my rope - so I've let go.

So what have I been doing?

Working on myself. I've been reading - lots and lots. I've been looking at apartments and the one I am seeing today sounds just too good to me true - its almost around the corner from where I work, it's on a horse farm, it's the whole house, my boss will sign the lease for me (credit history is down the drain), joined a health club (kick boxing no less), practicing detachment in a big way with AH and just trying to take each day as it comes.

I'm not feeling guilty anymore (well almost) about my plan to leave because guilt makes me think that I have done something wrong/bad. I haven't. I believe what I feel for him is "sorry" or "pity". It's hard living with him, there are no arguments, no fights, no nothing. He still says I love you but I'm looking at his actions and not hearing his words anymore. Huge difference.

I don't think he really believes that I will leave. I haven't told him that I am leaving for sure on the 1st but I believe if he really looked at the situation he would know. All the signs are there. But then again he won't because he's in major denial.

I guess that's where he supposed to be right now, I don't know. I try hard every day not to get sucked into his chaos by not getting involved. I don't engage in conversations and don't ask questions about his work search.

So that's where I am right now. Thank you all for your kind words and sharing - please know that it has helped me tremendously.

bookwyrm

Wow, you sound so strong and together. What you're doing is so hard but you're doing it! Way to go!

kingston

Well I went and saw the farmhouse and fell in love with it. The owner is going to let me know if I can have it - credit and employment check has to be done. So instead of worrying and fretting and dreaming up all kinds of possibilities - I've stopped dead in my tracks.

I've turned it over to my HP. Whatever happens is meant to happen. If she agrees to let me have it, great, if not, I will continue looking, continue with my plan and continue to focus on me and today and what it brings.

I feel so much calmer these days, no where near as much chatter going on in my head and the chaos that AH brings - well, I don't get sucked in. I'm focusing on right now and not thinking things thru instead of reacting emotionally.

Thanks again!

Barbara52

Good for you! I hope all works out the way that is best for you.

kingston

Well I didn't get it. Turns out the owner had someone else who looked at it who is just going thru a messy divorce. He has a son who is the same age as her son and she felt they could be friends. Well, I guess it wasn't mean to be.

She did tell me of another place down the road that her brother in law has and she is going to send me the details on Tuesday - here's hoping.

Thanks for listening.

Mair

Keep strong, your doing great.

Mair

mizztake33

Fantastic for you! You need to work on yourself - detach with love.
Hugs.

JoBloggs

Hi Kingston, You sound as if you are doing great - good for you!!!! Sorry that you didn't get the farmhouse, but I am sure something better will come up for you. Stay strong! XX