Its gone too far this time
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 37
I am brand new here and this is my very first post. I have been lurking for a few months but never joined until now. Well, if you all can have patience enough to read this, here is my story. I am 36 yrs old with an 18 yr old son whom just graduated high school (yeah!) and a 13 yr old son. I have been with my fiance now going on 5 yrs. He is an alcoholic. (Sorry if I dont use acronyms, I was so eager to post that I don't know all the acronyms used. He is 45 yrs old and been drinking since he was a teenager. Last night I called the police on him. He pushed me in the back when my back was turned. We had a very bad argument thur. night and he became very violent and physical. He even kicked in the door. Last week, he got so angry with me when we were just discussing something on TV, he stood up from the table where we were eating, slammed his hand down so hard, my glass spilled and a plate overturned, he was eating steak and had a steak knife in his hand, and he shouted "I should stick this in your heart!" On thur night he pushed me down several times, shoved me, and called me the most vile, filthiest things, got in my face, he nearly broke my thumb because he was trying to pry his truck keys outta my hand that I got because he was too drunk to drive.
He was saying he was going to go stay at a motel near his work which is 2 cities over and almost 50 miles away. there was no way I could let him drive like that. I mean its one thing if he wants to kill himself but I am not going to let him hurt others. I found a cooler with some beer left in his truck and knew he had been drinking. For the past month or so, whenever we get in arguments, he says very hurtful things to me about how he has found someone else and that he doesnt love me and he hates me so much. I dont think he has been cheating because I don't know when he would have the time, but why would someone say such a terrible thing if they werent doing it. It was so bad thur night, that when he called me on friday, I wouldnt talk to him, and when I finally did, he told me to get out. He tells me constantly to get out. I got home yesterday and he had left a note stating that theres too much hurt already been done and that I hate him and he says he hates me. He stated in the letter that we could not be together this weekend. Through the entire later never once did he apologize or say he loves me. He was more worried about if I would take this home and give him the truck he drives.
The truck is in my name and his name is nowhere on the truck because his license has been revoked for THREE YEARS! and he expects me to be responsible for him if he drives. 2 yrs ago he got his what was about to be his 4th DUI. He actually side-swiped a vehicle and ran from the police in MY truck. He actually got out of that because he ended up paying an attorney almost $10,000. Last year, while working out of town he got another DUI. Mind you, this is AFTER the year he got out of the DUI that could of sent him off for 7 years. He has become very physical and I have had enough. Any love that I had for him is now dead, he killed it and then is still able to say, all of it is not his fault. He just came home right now as I'm typing this and said his dad (who used to be A and would get so violent and beat up on his mom so bad he broke her ribs once) said that he is needs to "whip" both of us and that he needs to evict us both. a few months ago I called the police because he threw a pillow and threw a shoe that hit me and he got so mad he threw a chair down and broke part of it. He just told me that the police should not have been called last night and that I "provoke" him and that I "push and push and push him and that a person can only take so much." Even his family said once again, this is my fault and that the police should of never been called last night. He didnt get arrested because they couldnt really charge him with anything because he didnt really do anything.
His family is never around during his rages but after, they all say "she must of pushed his buttons." His sister came and got him last night and in front of the police she told us "you 2 need to grow up!" Like the violence he is doing is just immature and not serious. I am getting out of this as soon as I find a place. He has physically attacked my son (who was 16-18 yrs old at the time) numerous time and the police had to be called at least twice, but I am the bad guy in all of this. He tells me in his drunken rages how much he hates me and that he doesnt love me, that he hasnt loved me in 4yrs. Its so much for me to bare I begin to get suicidal thoughts. The only thing that keeps me living are my sons. I just thank GOD that I haven't married him yet. I am on a list for an apartment now. The next day after he sobers up it is a different story. He's not even screaming or anything. I can't take it anymore. His family hurts me too because I have no family and they tell me they are my family, but when it all comes down to it, they take up for him and say I cause it all. So really, they are NOT my family because a family cares and loves you unconditionally.
I was abused by my father and brother and my fiancee knows all of this and still treats me like this as does his family. He goes to court this week about the first time I called the police. I didnt press charges or have him arrested. He couldnt keep his mouth shut and the officer arrested him and charged him with 3rd degree harassment. But of course, its my fault he was in jail because "I should of never called the police to start with" is what him and all of his family says. I just can't take the hurt and pain A'S cause. If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I just need someone to talk to because I have noone. I'm very happy I found this site.
He was saying he was going to go stay at a motel near his work which is 2 cities over and almost 50 miles away. there was no way I could let him drive like that. I mean its one thing if he wants to kill himself but I am not going to let him hurt others. I found a cooler with some beer left in his truck and knew he had been drinking. For the past month or so, whenever we get in arguments, he says very hurtful things to me about how he has found someone else and that he doesnt love me and he hates me so much. I dont think he has been cheating because I don't know when he would have the time, but why would someone say such a terrible thing if they werent doing it. It was so bad thur night, that when he called me on friday, I wouldnt talk to him, and when I finally did, he told me to get out. He tells me constantly to get out. I got home yesterday and he had left a note stating that theres too much hurt already been done and that I hate him and he says he hates me. He stated in the letter that we could not be together this weekend. Through the entire later never once did he apologize or say he loves me. He was more worried about if I would take this home and give him the truck he drives.
The truck is in my name and his name is nowhere on the truck because his license has been revoked for THREE YEARS! and he expects me to be responsible for him if he drives. 2 yrs ago he got his what was about to be his 4th DUI. He actually side-swiped a vehicle and ran from the police in MY truck. He actually got out of that because he ended up paying an attorney almost $10,000. Last year, while working out of town he got another DUI. Mind you, this is AFTER the year he got out of the DUI that could of sent him off for 7 years. He has become very physical and I have had enough. Any love that I had for him is now dead, he killed it and then is still able to say, all of it is not his fault. He just came home right now as I'm typing this and said his dad (who used to be A and would get so violent and beat up on his mom so bad he broke her ribs once) said that he is needs to "whip" both of us and that he needs to evict us both. a few months ago I called the police because he threw a pillow and threw a shoe that hit me and he got so mad he threw a chair down and broke part of it. He just told me that the police should not have been called last night and that I "provoke" him and that I "push and push and push him and that a person can only take so much." Even his family said once again, this is my fault and that the police should of never been called last night. He didnt get arrested because they couldnt really charge him with anything because he didnt really do anything.
His family is never around during his rages but after, they all say "she must of pushed his buttons." His sister came and got him last night and in front of the police she told us "you 2 need to grow up!" Like the violence he is doing is just immature and not serious. I am getting out of this as soon as I find a place. He has physically attacked my son (who was 16-18 yrs old at the time) numerous time and the police had to be called at least twice, but I am the bad guy in all of this. He tells me in his drunken rages how much he hates me and that he doesnt love me, that he hasnt loved me in 4yrs. Its so much for me to bare I begin to get suicidal thoughts. The only thing that keeps me living are my sons. I just thank GOD that I haven't married him yet. I am on a list for an apartment now. The next day after he sobers up it is a different story. He's not even screaming or anything. I can't take it anymore. His family hurts me too because I have no family and they tell me they are my family, but when it all comes down to it, they take up for him and say I cause it all. So really, they are NOT my family because a family cares and loves you unconditionally.
I was abused by my father and brother and my fiancee knows all of this and still treats me like this as does his family. He goes to court this week about the first time I called the police. I didnt press charges or have him arrested. He couldnt keep his mouth shut and the officer arrested him and charged him with 3rd degree harassment. But of course, its my fault he was in jail because "I should of never called the police to start with" is what him and all of his family says. I just can't take the hurt and pain A'S cause. If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I just need someone to talk to because I have noone. I'm very happy I found this site.
Last edited by Morning Glory; 07-26-2008 at 10:56 PM. Reason: Added breaks For Old Eyes
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: At the top of my mountain.
Posts: 124
Dolphingal, your post broke my heart. My first thought was: To hell with HIM, YOU NEED TO BE SAFE! Not only is this man an alcoholic---something you cannot make better--but he is posing a very real, physical threat to you. The fact that he takes NO responsibility, and has a family that clearly enables his dangerous behaviour, and in fact holds YOU responsible for his actions, really set off the alarm bells. You are totally alone here, trying to battle his demons. You can't. And you are so emotionally exhausted and beat down right now. I know you are suffering. AND YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE.
Can you stay somewhere else for now? What about a woman's shelter? He sounds as if he has extremely poor impulse control, and very well could end up killing you.
You feel very alone, and you are, really. Perhaps truly BEING alone, away from him and with a group of folks who have your best interests at heart, could trigger the healing you so badly need right now. He needs healing too--but you won't be the one to make that happen. Only he can choose, and by the sounds of it, he is a long way off from that happening.
He is a danger to you. AND THAT IS NOT OKAY. Please do what you need to do to stay safe--for you and your kids.
Can you stay somewhere else for now? What about a woman's shelter? He sounds as if he has extremely poor impulse control, and very well could end up killing you.
You feel very alone, and you are, really. Perhaps truly BEING alone, away from him and with a group of folks who have your best interests at heart, could trigger the healing you so badly need right now. He needs healing too--but you won't be the one to make that happen. Only he can choose, and by the sounds of it, he is a long way off from that happening.
He is a danger to you. AND THAT IS NOT OKAY. Please do what you need to do to stay safe--for you and your kids.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,915
Dolphingal...I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this nightmare. I'm sorry to say that it sounds to me like it went too far a LONG time ago. You really, really need to get out of there. Not only is he a danger to you, but also to your children. No one deserves to live like that. He's a bully and an alcoholic and unfortunately, there is absolutely NOTHING you can do for him. Your sole aim should be to get yourself out of that situation NOW! Don't wait until he tries to kill you! Get out now! Go to a women's shelter if you have to, but please...Get out NOW!
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Wow dolphingal. I am so sorry for you, but even more sorry for your minor son. He is not choosing to stay and does not deserve this either. Please please get out and get safe. Keep reading here, there are so many folks here that have been where you are. Have you heard of Al-Anon? I would suggest you get to a meeting and reach out. There are so many wonderful, loving people in this world. You do not deserve ANY of this!!! :ghug
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 494
Wow, I agree that Al anon or a Womens shelter would be a good call. You need to protect yourself. Additionally there you will hopefully find some people to talk with. People who can relate, and give you hope. I am looking at leaving someone right now and I have fears, feel lonely and hurt. It usually helps to have people to talk too and just kill the time. Being alone with our thoughts can be overwhelming sometimes. This place, the threads, and the stickys have given me a lot to think about and a lot of strength. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
alcoholism = insanity, plain and simple. Imagine an alcoholic airline passenger trying to open the cabin door at 32000 feet and jeopardize everyones life?
================================================== ===
BERLIN - Two drunken British women went on a rampage on a charter plane, hitting one flight attendant with a bottle of vodka and trying to open a cabin door as the aircraft was cruising over Austria at 10,000 meters (32,800 feet), police said Saturday.
Drunken passengers force flight to land in Germany - *****! News
================================================== ===
BERLIN - Two drunken British women went on a rampage on a charter plane, hitting one flight attendant with a bottle of vodka and trying to open a cabin door as the aircraft was cruising over Austria at 10,000 meters (32,800 feet), police said Saturday.
Drunken passengers force flight to land in Germany - *****! News
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
This is not about his family siding with him. This is about YOUR SAFETY and the SAFETY of your children.
You may be on he waiting list for housing, however, CALL THE NEAREST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CENTER IMMEDIATELY. They will give you temporary lodging. Acoholism progressies and the violence that goes with it also progresses. CALL TODAY. This is your LIFE and your CHILDREN'S LIVES you are talking about.
J M H O
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing, we dp care very much! BE SAFE.
Love and hugs,
You may be on he waiting list for housing, however, CALL THE NEAREST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CENTER IMMEDIATELY. They will give you temporary lodging. Acoholism progressies and the violence that goes with it also progresses. CALL TODAY. This is your LIFE and your CHILDREN'S LIVES you are talking about.
J M H O
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing, we dp care very much! BE SAFE.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: England
Posts: 741
For a start, none of his actions are YOUR fault...they're all his responsibility.
He tells you that it's your fault so that he doesn't have to look at his own behaviour because if he did, he wouldn't like what he saw. It's easier to blame your own faults on someone else because then you don't have to deal with them.
This man is a huge threat to your physical, mental and emotional well being and the same goes for your kids.
Forget about his family, forget about him and think about you and the kids for a minute.
Do you deserve this treatment? NO, of course you don't....
Yet? Hopefully you never will!
It always is, different bloke, same story....
I really hope you stay strong on finding your own place, in my opinion it's the BEST course of action for you and the kids...you don't need to put up with that crap, I would take heed on what everyone else has said, domestic violence is no joke and normally only esculates, please seek some help and advice for yourself.
*hugs*
He tells you that it's your fault so that he doesn't have to look at his own behaviour because if he did, he wouldn't like what he saw. It's easier to blame your own faults on someone else because then you don't have to deal with them.
This man is a huge threat to your physical, mental and emotional well being and the same goes for your kids.
Forget about his family, forget about him and think about you and the kids for a minute.
Do you deserve this treatment? NO, of course you don't....
Originally Posted by dolphingal1971 
I just thank GOD that I haven't married him yet.
Originally Posted by dolphingal1971
The next day after he sobers up it is a different story.
I really hope you stay strong on finding your own place, in my opinion it's the BEST course of action for you and the kids...you don't need to put up with that crap, I would take heed on what everyone else has said, domestic violence is no joke and normally only esculates, please seek some help and advice for yourself.
*hugs*
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 209
I would leave as soon as possible. There's no telling what he could do next.
It is not your fault that he chooses to do these things. He blames you because he doesn't want to look at his own actions. He doesn't want to take responsibility for what he's done.
You need to find a safe place for you and your children. You can stop the cycle of abuse you've suffered your entire life if you leave NOW!
I really hope you don't plan on marrying this man. It will only get worse.
Sue
It is not your fault that he chooses to do these things. He blames you because he doesn't want to look at his own actions. He doesn't want to take responsibility for what he's done.
You need to find a safe place for you and your children. You can stop the cycle of abuse you've suffered your entire life if you leave NOW!
I really hope you don't plan on marrying this man. It will only get worse.
Sue
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Fort Wayne IN
Posts: 284
Get out now while the gettin is good! I recommend you not spend another second over him. He is not worth it. Go as fast as you can. The only thing I would feel is important in this situation is me and my children. Material things can be replaced. Go!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 369
No matter how many buttons get pushed, no matter how many words get said...you are NOT responsible in any way for him behaving this way. Getting physical with you is NOT acceptable. Please keep you and your children safe. You can do this. You can start over right here, right now. He's given you a gift by letting you know the type of person he is before you make a life-long commitment to this man.
Please protect yourself and your kids. (((HUGS)))
Please protect yourself and your kids. (((HUGS)))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 212
I am so so so so very sorry for what you are going through.
Please seek safety for you and your children. The behaviour is unnaceptable, I used to think I t was my fault when my ex got violent, I thought it was my fault when he smashed my door through. I can't believe how brainwashed I felt.
This is your life - please choose to give yourself the life you and your children deserve. You deserve to live in peace, without the crazy.
Please let us know how you are. x x
Please seek safety for you and your children. The behaviour is unnaceptable, I used to think I t was my fault when my ex got violent, I thought it was my fault when he smashed my door through. I can't believe how brainwashed I felt.
This is your life - please choose to give yourself the life you and your children deserve. You deserve to live in peace, without the crazy.
Please let us know how you are. x x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 169
Your story reminds me of the song:
Melissa Etheridge | Enough Of Me lyrics
It's a heart-wrenching song. Here is the chorus:
"Aint that enough
I turned your dreams into lightning
Aint that enough
I held the world back for you
Aint that enough
I loved you past the point of dying
Aint that enough of me for you"
Isn't that what we all do? We give everything, expecting so little in return. And, that's what we get. So little.
Melissa Etheridge | Enough Of Me lyrics
It's a heart-wrenching song. Here is the chorus:
"Aint that enough
I turned your dreams into lightning
Aint that enough
I held the world back for you
Aint that enough
I loved you past the point of dying
Aint that enough of me for you"
Isn't that what we all do? We give everything, expecting so little in return. And, that's what we get. So little.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by starflier
Isn't that what we all do? We give everything, expecting so little in return. And, that's what we get. So little.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Mpls. Mn
Posts: 3
Gather your son and go now! Nothing else should matter but you and your son's safety. Please listen to everyone's advice on this thread, they have all walked in your shoes. Don't let self doubt confuse you any longer, listen to these wise people and go now. Please!
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